


The Past Never Really Stays That Way

by charlotteicewolf77



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: Abomination, Aliens, Angst, Blackmail, Boss - Freeform, Break down, Crack, Danger, Death, Deathfic, Electrocution, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, Episode: s01e04 Cyberwoman, Episode: s02e04 Meat, Episode: s03e11 Utopia, Episode: s03e12 The Sound of Drums, Episode: s03e13 Last of the Time Lords, Exhaustion, Fear, Freak, Guards, Hate, Help, Hurt/Comfort, Leader, Love, M/M, Miscarriage, Nightmares, OMC - Freeform, Paperwork, Politicians, Post Episode: s03e13 Last of the Time Lords, Rape, Romance, Sad, Season/Series 02, Season/Series 03, Semi-Alternate Universe, Sex, Sickfic, Spoilers, Stabbling, Starvation, Starving, Stress, Suffering, TARDIS - Freeform, The Valiant, Torchwood - Freeform, Torture, Work, Wrong, YTNW, Year That Never Was, collapse, doctor who - Freeform, knife, mind-rape, relationship, threat, upset, weevils
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-12
Updated: 2013-07-07
Packaged: 2017-11-29 01:34:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 30
Words: 62,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/681192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlotteicewolf77/pseuds/charlotteicewolf77
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One of the guards that was on the Valiant during the year that never was is now forcing Jack into having a relationship with him or he'll hurt the team, their families and expose the events of what happeend on the Valiant to the entire world. Between running torchwood, dealing with the guard, dealing with UNIt, dealing with politicians and keeping Ianto happy and in the dark about his current predicament, Jack is getting ever closer to breaking point. Will Ianto leave him or help him? mpreg, gwen bashing, the doctor and john hart<br/>updated every Sunday or thereabouts</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Torchwood or Doctor Who or any other trademarked stuff I might mention in any chapters of this story.

CHAPTER ONE=  
Jack looked up at the bleak grey sky as he left the house of torment behind and started to walk back towards the hub. He managed to get to a deserted, piss stained alley 50 yards away before he broke down crying. He thought it was quite a good way actually. He leant against the rough brick wall behind him and sagged down to the floor as more tears just kept coming faster and faster until eventually he couldn’t even see the wet stone he was sitting on. God, he had just been raped! He thought back to the Valiant and the year that never was and cried, if at all possible, even harder. The immortal man drew his knees up to his chest and rested his forehead against them as he tried to get his traitorous body back under control. Jack rubbed his wrists anxiously in an attempt to make the fresh bruises marring the skin there to go away before he got back to the hub because Ianto would see, the Welshman noticed everything. His head was pounding over and over in what seemed to be either the Doctor’s voice ‘wrong, wrong, it’s not even easy to even look at you Jack because you’re wrong.’ Over 100 years of waiting for the Doctor to come back and it turned out that the time lord could not even look at him and his heart tightened as he remembered just how much he hated him now. ‘Your precious Doctor can barely even stand to hear your name Freak, you’re so wrong if I put you in a room with some kiddie time lords they’d all be on their knees puking in a matter of seconds. That’s how wrong you are, you’re a fucking abomination, and if the time lords still lived you would never have been born freak!’ And Goddamnit he was not going to break down any more than he already was because he had a date with Ianto in just less than two hours and he couldn’t turn up with his eyes all red and stinking of a back alley.

Jack felt a light spatter of rain falling on him and hoped it’d fall quicker so no one would be able to tell that he was crying. He mentally shoved all the events of the previous hours into the little box for such incidents he had in the back of his mind and pushed himself upright and out of the alley before he was able to change his mind.

~0~

The warm water cascading over him from the showerhead did little to soothe the ever-increasing tension in his muscles and he rubbed futilely at his eyes as the memories threatened to overwhelm him again. Damnit he had a date in a little over an hour and he just couldn’t do this! He remembered the feel of the guards’ hands all over him and the Master’s and those poor teenage boys who were given a choice of rape or die. The Master had killed them anyway. As much as Jack knew Ianto wanted it, he wasn’t sure he would be able to handle anymore sex for a while, even the flirting that he used to do before Abbadon seemed scary. But the Welshman would want sex, probably need sex, Jack realised, after two months Ianto would need to claim him, to be sure that Jack really was back for good. He could do sex, he decided, he could do anything Ianto wanted because he really did not want the younger man knowing what had happened to him while he had been gone. Even the people on the Valiant had not known everything that was done to him, that privilege was for the Master alone. And, Blake Anderson, he shuddered at the memory of those hands on his body, on his cock, calloused fingers up his arse, stroking him in a way that only Ianto should and then forcing his eyes to stay open and watch the CCTV footage that was somehow not reversed when the paradox machine was destroyed. He realised that at some point during his reminiscing he had sank down to the floor and curled up into a tight ball whimpering occasional broken sounds and that he now had only 40 minuites until his and Ianto’s first date. 

Jack picked himself up unsteadily off the cool slick tiles and cleaned up any evidence of his little breakdown and stood before the wardrobe trying to determine what to wear. He had told Ianto ‘smart looking but comfortable and on the edge of casual’ although it was now he realised that that was a totally inadequate way of describing the sort of outfit he should wear. He picked out black trousers and his boots then dithered over the shirt. He had an abundance of his usual blue button downs but he wanted to look like he had made an effort, in desperation he rifled towards the back of the wardrobe and almost laughed out loud when he snagged the perfect shirt. The immortal man held it up to the light to check for any marks and discovered that it was immaculate, the material was still blue but a darker shade to what he usually wore around the hub, and hopefully Ianto would like it. 

It was at that moment that Tosh chose to pop her head down from the office. “Ready for your date yet?” she asked him teasingly, and then spied the clothes tossed all over his small room. “It seems not.” She added dryly, “Want some help?”

“Yes!” Jack told her. The Japanese woman slid gracefully down the ladder and looked him up and down. 

“Your shirt’s good,” She conceded, “and those trousers will have to do seeing as they’re the only sort you own; now what about braces and hair?”

“I don't know, Tosh help me!” Jack begged her. 

The techie gave an exaggerated sigh “You really are hopeless at this dating stuff aren’t you?” she said fondly. 

“It’s been almost 40 years since I last dated someone serious, of course I’m hopeless!”

“Calm down, now what different braces have you got? And actually why do you even need braces?”

“Tosh!” the elder man shot her look as if to say ‘you can’t really be that stupid’ “The only coat I have is currently hanging in my office and it won’t look right if I’m not wearing braces!” he held up an array of braces dangling loosely from his arm from where he’d fished them out of the drawer. The choice between cream, black, red, blue and green had never seemed so daunting. 

“It’ll be ok;” Tosh soothed him gently, “Ianto would still think you’re handsome even if you only dressed in ordinary clothes like the rest of us mere mortals. Put the red ones on- they go great with that shirt, then do your hair and go take that sexy Welshman of yours on a date.”

“You’ll think he’ll like the red ones?” Jack fretted. 

“Yes,” Tosh told him firmly, “now hurry up or you’ll be late.”

“Oh crap!” Jack swore as he saw the time and ran into the tiny bathroom to fix his hair. Smiling at her friend and boss’ behaviour the young woman clambered back up the rickety old ladder to the office and left for the night.

~0~

Ianto paused in the open doorway to his flat and gave Jack a coy smirk, “So, do you want to stay for a coffee?” he asked, Jack grinned in return.

“I thought you wanted to take things slowly?”

Ianto fixed him with a pointed look, “Well, I’ve never been very… conventional.”

“Well when you put it like that…”

~0~

Jack and Ianto were curled up beneath the duvet in a happy state of post coital bliss when the beeping of Jack’s wristband cut through their peaceful silence and the immortal ex con-man blearily lifted his head to check on it. 

“Weevil alert,” he groaned, slumping back down beside the Welshman, “I’ll go.”

“You sure?” Ianto asked him, “We could just get one of the other’s to handle it.”

“No, Owen has the day off, Gwen’s visiting her mom and I’d rather not send Tosh in case it turns out there’s more than one of them. You stay here, hopefully I won’t be kept too long and I’ll come back here.”

“Be careful.” Ianto warned him, “I don't want the strongest memory of our first date to be me cleaning the blood off your coat.”

“Don't worry; it’ll be fine,” Jack promised his lover, bending down and placing a kiss on his soft lips, “I’ll be back soon OK?” 

“Mmmm.” Ianto murmured, already drifting back to sleep. Jack shot him one last look before quietly sneaking out the door.

~0~

Jack paused at the entrance to a dank alleyway and looked around for the weevil, feeling a sense of déjà vu as he realised it was almost identical to the one he had had an emotional breakdown in earlier. Shaking his head he realised that the rain had probably driven the lone weevil back into the sewers and he had wasted what could have been a very good night with Ianto. 

“Bloody Torchwood,” Jack cursed under his breath as he started back in the direction of Ianto’s flat, “I knew I should have out it on silent.” His thoughts turned to the sexy Welshman that was currently in bed waiting for him and he sped up then slowed down just as quickly, what if he woke Ianto up? Maybe he should just go back to the hub, but then Ianto might think the worst and never agree to go on a date with him again! Ever since he had gotten back from running after the Doctor his emotions had been not much better off than the aftermath of a train wreck, one minuite happy and the next ready to make him jump off a roof or get run over by a very big lorry. The immortal man suspected that it had something to do with the fact that he had just come back from an entire year of torture, rape, mind-rape, dying and being belittled like there was no tomorrow with no reprieve between the year that never was and coming back to his team except for a shower to get the worst of the grime off and a couple of hours of helping get all the people on the Valiant sorted out and fixing the Tardis.

Jack blinked and realised that while he had been lost in his thoughts his feet had automatically guided him to the door of Ianto’s flat and his hand was halfway to his pocket to retrieve the key that Ianto had given him. 

 

Padding cautiously into the bedroom that he had left no more than two hours earlier, Jack slipped back under the covers and wrapped his arms round the washman, who in return gave an inaudible murmur and blinked open his bright blue eyes still clouded with sleep. “Did you take care of the weevil then?” he yawned curiously.

“Nah, the rain must have convinced it to go back into the sewers so really we woke up for nothing.”

“Bloody torchwood.” Ianto cursed lightly, snuggling further into the warmth that elder man provided him with.

He felt Ianto doze off again curled up in his arms under the thick fluffy duvet that smelled faintly of lavender. Jack nuzzled the back of his Welshman’s neck and felt a few stray tears roll down his cheeks as he remembered how much he was betraying the beautiful young man who for some reason believed he was worth it. The immortal thought of how readily he had let Blake do those things only that morning and felt sick at the thought of being without Ianto again. Jack choked back a despairing sob as he remembered how Blake had pulled him into a side alley one day and forced him to go back to his house or he’d track down Ianto and kill him slowly; all through that terrible two hour ordeal he tried to tell himself that this was for Ianto and he had no reason to be scared if he did what Blake wanted him to. Then the misery-inducing bastard had ordered him to be outside the take-away shop at noon the following day or he’d put the CCTV from the Valiant all over the internet and then ‘that stupid prick of a Welshman’ definitely wouldn’t want him and Jack had- much to his uttermost shame- had readily agreed, anything to keep Ianto safe. Jack felt more sobs and tear threatening to boil over and hastily focused all of his attentions onto the sleeping tea boy nestled securely beneath him and felt the iron grip feeling in his chest loosen a little. 

He couldn’t let himself sleep, in fear that the memories of the year that never existed would overtake his mind while his body rested and he’d wake Ianto again and he was determined to keep everything and anything relating to his time away so out of reach of the Welshman he would never even hear the smallest of rumours- the younger man didn’t need to know, it’d give him nightmares as well.  
And so Jack snuggled down next to his lover now boyfriend and inhaled his smell of coffee and something totally Ianto as the cold light of the morning slowly filled the room.


	2. Chapter 2

"I've got to go meet someone." Jack told Ianto as he gave the younger man a quick peck on his cheek and pulled on his coat.

"Anyone important?" Ianto asked as he sorted through the masses of papers on the immortal's desk, looking for any form he had filled in that was actually completed.

"Just an old friend that I haven't seen for a while, I'll be back before two; if there's a rift alert then call me ok? Remember, you shouldn't have to risk your lives if you have an immortal to do it for you."

"How many times," Ianto chided him, "Just because you have an infinite amount of lives does not make you expendable."

"Uh-huh," Jack replied distantly, thoughts already preoccupied with what was going to happen to him next, "See you later."

"Bye." The tea boy answered as he discovered a pile of papers that were previously hidden and turned out to be stuck together with months old coffee dregs. Jack really would do anything to get out of paperwork.

~0~

Jack closed his eyes tightly shut as the third different person that hour forced him down none too gently onto the cold hard floorboards and touched all over him, impatient hands already starting to stroke him as teeth bit down onto his left shoulder hard enough to draw blood.

He had waited outside the take away shop for five minuites, glad that the team had all agreed on having pizza for lunch today when Blake had shown up and roughly ordered him into the car, at least it was just the fag-smelling back seat and not the boot, he had reasoned to himself. Blake hadn't said a word to him until they had gotten back to his house and he had dragged Jack into the living room and ordered him to strip and then kneel like the stupid worthless whore that he was. There had been about a dozen other men in the room, some of which he recognised as having been guards for the Master on the Valiant, clearly their true natures as willing accomplices to the crazy time lord's sick games had been missed by the UNIT soldiers.

So here he is currently getting fucked fast and hard into the floor and he can't help but compare these brutes to Ianto and how gentle the Welshman is and how, despite some of their more risqué antics, they would never ever have sex so brutally and unloving and cold with no emotions or tenderness; he keeps those thoughts in mind because they kept him going through the year that never was so surely they can keep him going for just a couple more hours? Except now he wasn't so sure about anything, he hadn't slept since he had gotten back and everything seemed fuzzy around the edges and he often wondered if this was all just another trick that the Master was playing on him.

Jack felt another couple of men 'have their turn with him' before Blake's voice sliced through the fog that seemed as though it had taken up a permanent residence inside of his head ordering him to get up, he did so without even really realising it and only opened his eyes fully when he heard the sound of heavy metal chains clinking across the floor. He saw the iron manacles opened and then Blake was approaching him, closer and closer. Jack blinked and all of a sudden he was back on the Valiant and the Master was towering over him, knife in hand and about to skin him alive. He struggled in his chains and then his knees landed painfully on the floor with a dull thud sound and it was Blake, not the Master, about to inflict some pain on him. He tried to scramble away, backwards, sideways, it didn't matter anymore, calloused hands held his arms tight behind his back, when did they get there? Jack wondered distantly as he squirmed then the manacle was being secured on his wrist, when had he gotten so close?

Blake smirked at the pitiful sight that Jack made as he hung naked in chains fastened to a metal loop high up on the wall. He moved over to a chest in the opposite corner and brought out a chockfull of knives, beckoning the others over to come and take their pick. "Go ahead; it isn't as though it will kill him!" The man told them gleefully. Those of the men who had been on the Valiant during The Year That Never Was didn't hesitate and those that were still a little unsure soon took courage from their example.

The sick-minded former guard looked on as his associates maimed the immortal leader of torchwood. (But made sure that he always bled onto the plastic mat that he had put down on the floor because he couldn't entertain whichever pretty girl it was that he had brought back for the night with a huge bloodstain on the boards.) He felt strangely happy that if the stupid freak did spill some of his scummy blood anywhere but the mat then his actions as a result of that would be proof that he really was a brilliant, always in control guy. Of course there was the added bonus that he would have to punish the freak too… a pained groan cut through his thoughts and he stepped forward with a long, slender knife held loosely in his grasp. Jack gave him a weary look and seemed to resign himself to his face, well that was good, he had been getting bored. Blake could by now easily pick out exactly the spot on the ex time agent's chest where his heart was beating idly underneath the thin layer of skin that on any other normal human being would have not an inch of skin that was not in some way marked. He positioned the tip of the knife directly above where the man's heart lay and plunged the long blade all the way through and then out the other side, dead.

~0~

When Jack revived from that particular death he found himself no longer in chains but tossed unceremoniously onto the floor. In some ways he was grateful, dying meant that all of the marks of torture previously on his body would have been completely eradicated. He spotted his clothes and hastily pulled them on- feeling particularly vulnerable just in this house let alone naked- ignoring the pain that was leftover from dying. He spotted a smear of blood on his left cuff and bit his lip in worry, how on earth was he meant to explain that to Ianto? His mind drew a blank and he decided that he would probably think better when he was out of the house and away from Blake and all of his cronies. He couldn't help but risk a peek through the door of the spare bedroom as he left just to see what they were all laughing and jeering at. He very nearly threw up right there as he saw the grainy footage of the CCTV cameras in the boiler room of the Valiant and he hastily distracted himself by checking the time. Just after one, that gave him just under an hour to get his arse back to the hub without arousing anybody's suspicions, he was sure no one would really notice if he as slightly later than he said he would be but he wasn't prepared to take that risk. The picture on the screen flickered and then switched jerkily to another video, seven bulky men in UNIT uniform all circling around a limp figure on the floor who was totally naked. Jack made a shaky run for the door.

~0~

Jack lay staring up idly at the ceiling of the bunker under his office and Ianto leaned over to capture his lips in a chaste but emotional kiss as he slid under the cold bed sheets beside him. "You ok?" the young Welshman asked from his comfortable position on Jack's shoulder a few minuites later, "You've been sort of…distant all day, especially after you came back from that meeting with your friend."

"Yeah I just had a load of paperwork and UNIT to deal with,"

"Mmmm, what paperwork was that then? The remains I discovered in the bottom of the shredder, the papers that were disgustingly stuck together with coffee that was over a month old or the ones that Owen used to throw at Mfwany?"

"All of the above," Jack smirked guiltily; it hadn't just been Owen who had been having some fun with torchwood's resident guard dog.

"One day," Ianto murmured, "you will do your paperwork for once and I'll faint in shock."

"Just make sure that you don't drop my coffee in the process." Jack smiled.

"Mmmm, yes sir." Came Ianto's dozy reply before eventually nodding off. Jack looked on lovingly as the younger man slept the whole night through.

~0~

"You free at lunchtime?" Jack asked Ianto that morning as he was making the coffee, no one else had arrived yet.

"Why?" The Welshman asked him, "Do you have to go out again?"

"No, I was going to take you on another date."

"To the fish and chip shop?" Ianto replied with a pointed look and a face full of scepticism.

"It's a good option!" the immortal man protested, holding his hands up in defence, "If there's an alert then we can get back here quickly and there isn't any CCTV so Tosh can't spy on us with Gwen."

"Fine," Ianto conceded, "but you're paying."

"Don't I always?"

~0~

They were waiting for their order to be served when he came in. Jack heard the door open and just out of pure curiosity he turned around to look. And turned right back around and gripped the counter so tight that his knuckles went white as he tried to stay upright on shaky legs. A litany of thoughts ran like a bullet-train through his head, "Freak, wrong, 's not easy even looking at you Jack, 'cuz you're wrong. Abomination, pervert, bastard, even your mom hates you, you did hate your brother didn't you Freak?" it seemed an age until their order came and he was able to hurry out the door into the cold air. All the time very aware of the fact that he was standing practically next to his tormentor, who's only reason for not wanting to have anything to do with him that day was because he was getting his leg over some other poor, hapless girl who had no idea who her new man really was.

They made their way to a nearby park and found a secluded corner in which to eat. Whilst Ianto devoured his chips but still somehow managed to carry on being dignified and clean, Jack simply sat staring off into space and only eating when it seemed he remembered the parcel of rapidly cooling food sitting in his lap. Ianto was done and dusted when Jack had yet to go through even half of what was barely even a small portion. Ianto noticed all of this and put his hand on the immortal man's shoulder that only now he realised that, along with the rest of his body, it was thin and scarce of much of anything besides bone and a thin layer of skin. "Jack?" the Welshman asked softly, jerking the elder man out of his reverie, "Are you alright?"

"'Course I am." Jack answered with a cheerful smile.

"You've hardly eaten any of your chips." Ianto told him sternly.

"Oh," he said as he glanced down at the food, "I guess I wasn't as hungry as I thought." He shrugged, and it was true, as soon as he had seen Blake and his girl come into the chip shop his appetite had mysteriously vanished. Not that it was entirely up to scratch after spending a year in chains, the few mouthfuls of food that he had eaten were churning dangerously in his stomach. "You can have them if you want." He added, offering the crumpled up newspapers to his lover.

"You sure?" Ianto asked him worriedly as he curled up into Jack's side and popped a chip in his mouth, "You're not just suddenly going to puke everywhere are you?"

"Don't be silly," Jack chided him, "now hurry up, we're due back at the hub soon."

"Take the rest of the day off with me Jack." Ianto pleaded and wrapped his arms around his too slim waist. Jack hesitated, he wanted to, God knows the young tea boy deserved one day off, but did he, himself, deserve it? Wrong people didn't get nice things, which was something he now knew was a fact. But looking into Ianto's bright blue eyes, Jack knew that in spite of all his doubts he would agree.

"So what do you want to do?" the former ex time agent asked happily and listened intently as Ianto rambled on in those beautiful welsh vows.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm back! And not dead, just put this story on hiatus so I could finish off my other one so now hopefully I'll be updating this every Wednesday as I have planned out all the chapters and everything and yes, there is going to be mpreg in later chapters so be warned now. I'm not sure if after this story I'm going to carry on with it as a series as I have several prequels and a sequel as a possibility but we'll deal with that when we come to it, enjoy

3 days later=

"OI!" Owen's yell echoed around the hub, thankfully only deafening Tosh as Ianto and Gwen were out on a rift alert; Jack just remained indifferent, "Harkness I don't have a fucking clue as to why you are in the medical bay looting through all of my things seeing as you refuse to ever have a check-up but touch anything else and you won't be a man for much longer!"

"I hope you're a bit politer to your dates Owen," Jack told him, "I've seen you drunk; it's a wonder you can have as many conquests under your belt as you claim."

"That's fucking irrelevant, why the fuck where you going through the cabinets?!"

"Looking for something," Jack shrugged, already heading back up the stairs.

"Looking for what?!" the grumpy medic demanded.

"That's for me to know and for you to never find out!" the immortal man called before shutting himself in his office.

"I really hate that bloke sometimes." Owen muttered darkly as he cast a look at the cabinets and instantly gave up on finding out whatever it was that his boss had been searching for.

"Oh, leave him be Owen," Tosh said, "He's been in such a good mood lately, don't spoil it now."

"That's just it!" he told her, "Nobody should be that for happy for this long! It is just not humanly possible!"

"Says you,"

"Oi, I'll have you know tha- hey do you think he's on drugs?!" Owen's eyes grew big and round.

"Now I know that you're stupid," the Japanese woman told him bluntly, "of course Jack isn't on drugs Owen! But… have you noticed that he seems… different now?"

"Like how?" Owen asked, because as much as he often thought that he was the only sane adult amongst a bunch of crazy five year olds, he was still a doctor and it was his job to look after the team.

"I don't know exactly," the techie replied, "just, he seems so much thinner and he barely eats anything nowadays unless he's sure that it's just him and Ianto and even then it isn't that much. And also he seems pale and tired all the time, he's more involved in the team stuff but he barely touches anyone any more, even Ianto."

"Mmmm," Owen countered before wandering back to the medical bay.

~0~

Jack padded quietly into the medical bay, he had checked the CCTV to make sure that everybody had gone home but he still expected Ianto to materialise out of nowhere or hear Owen's footsteps behind him. He shook his head to clear it of the stupid thoughts and sifted carefully through the many pill bottles, making note of where each one was placed so Owen wouldn't suspect anything in the morning.

It took a while but eventually he determined which contained the strongest sleeping medication and calculated how many of the tablets he would need to (hopefully) give him a dreamless slumber. Let's see, one pill would put a normal human to sleep for about 4 hours so he would need… three and a half just because of his 51st century biology then add in his immortality and it came up to four pills. Jack made sure that he left everything exactly as had found it then hurried back to his bunker, downing the pills dry on the way.

~0~

There was no natural light down in the boiler room of the Valiant. The dim amount of light there was came from the scant cheap bulbs in the ceiling which were mostly on the blink anyway and the red blinking of the clock set in the wall next to the door. Jack had currently been on the airship for 31 days and so far he had died 217 times in those 31 days which averaged out at 7 deaths per day. Or so the Master said, he wasn't exactly what Jack would call a 'man of his word'.

Ianto was dead, his beautiful, smart, witty, perfect Ianto had been tortured by the guards, the Master having given them free reign and his only instructions to be to make sure he didn't escape and he'd be the one to finally kill him. The Welshman had lasted four days before finally cracking and begged to die; the Master had taken another two days before he finally honoured that wish. Jack really hated that bastard. He didn't care if it would make the Doctor the only time lord left in existence, if he ever got his hands on him he would do exactly the same to him as he had done to his poor Ianto.

The guards stationed at the door straightened slightly and Jack realised that the Master was coming down to play with his favourite toy. The insane Gallifreyan sauntered in wearing a new suit and dragging Lucy along behind him by the wrist. Poor girl, the immortal mused sadly, forced to watch as her husband tortured and raped people daily then have sex with him or he'd kill her too, or even worse, give her the same treatment as the freak in the basement. Jack met Lucy's gaze above the Master's head and she nodded slightly and mouthed a sincere, 'I'm sorry' to which he shook his head. If the Master was taking his anger out on him it meant that everyone else on this Goddamn place was safe. It meant that the Doctor was left pretty much alone to work at whatever plan he had come up with to save them all. He just hoped that the end would come soon, be it by dying permanently or Martha saving them or the Doctor saving them or one of the poor, hapless workers shooting the bastard's brains out, he was past caring.

A scream of pain and fear pulled him out from his hiding place inside of his thoughts and memories and he realised that it came from him. Jack blinked tears of sweat and blood from his eyes in an effort to see and discovered that the chains around his wrists had been tightened and his hands were slowly turning black from the circulation being cut off. At some point the Master had chained his ankles to the floor so he was pulled taunt like a sheet of cloth and was now carving something onto his back, ah, so he was a canvas again. A sharp jab of pain cut through him as Lucy's scream cut through the air and the world went black…

~0~

Jack jerked awake with a shout and suddenly fingers were scrambling to get a hold on his shoulders and he was pulled up close to someone's chest whilst they reached up to rub his back as he trembled and smelled coffee. Coffee… Ianto! "Missin' me already?" Jack asked, voice still muffled by the Welshman's suit.

"I always fall asleep faster when I'm not alone," a slight pause and then, "you were screaming."

"Yes, I imagine only something serious would tempt you down here without bringing any coffee for me." The immortal smirked. Ianto was stroking his hair and he resisted the urge to purr a little at the pleasure that it brought him.

"What was the nightmare about?" The younger asked. Damn! Would nothing distract him?! Although it did make Jack happy to know that his lover cared about him so much, even if he was an undeserving freak who brought death to everyone that he loved. But shit, think of something quick…

"Paperwork," he replied, face utterly serious. Ianto arched an eyebrow.

"Paperwork?"

"Paperwork," he confirmed with a nod then also added, "UNIT paperwork."

"Coffee?" Ianto asked as he removed himself from the bed and started to climb up the ladder.

"Yes please," because Ianto's coffee fixed everything.

~0~

That next night, Ianto let out a moan and Jack writhed and squirmed in longing beneath him as he pushed his hips up against the younger man and moaned so much that the Welshman almost lost his resolve and finish it there and then. But that would defeat the whole point of what he was trying to achieve so instead he claimed Jack's mouth and their tongues battled as they rode a wave of euphoria in each other's arms.

~0~

Later that night, but not that much later, Jack and Ianto lay on the narrow bed together, both trembling slightly from their exertions. Jack was exhausted, Ianto was the sixth person he had had sex with that day and he was just completely run down both physically and emotionally and ready to go to sleep right then and there. But no, if he slept that meant the nightmares would start again and he couldn't risk it, couldn't risk just a few meaningless hours of interrupted rest time in exchange for the vivid and horrifying memories of Blake and the Master and the Doctor and wrong and satellite five and all of the others that weighed down on his soul like several tonnes of bricks.

A slight jostling jerked him out of his musings and Ianto's voice cut through the fog that lurked constantly at the edge of his mind, waiting impatiently for his defences to lower and they could surge in and take him over, "Jack, are you ok? You kind of zoned out there." Came the Welshman's worried voice.

"Yeah, I was just thinking you know?" the elder smiled, pulling his younger lover close and he snuggled down in the warmth that the immortal provided him with.

"Mmmm, yeah, I know." He murmured, already half asleep, "Jack?" he asked a second time.

"Yeah?"

"What would you choose as your final way to die? Presuming of course that one of these days you would stay dad permanently."

"Why do you want to know that? Granted it is a legitimate question but it's a bloody weird one."

"Just curious," he shrugged with an air of genuine nonchalance, "personally I would like to die painlessly and quick although I suppose as a hero saving a poor damsel in distress, bit messy though. And if I was wearing my favourite suit I wouldn't want to get it all covered in blood."

"Prioritize your tie," Jack told him, "so many things that you can do with a tie. Nah, I'd like to die from drowning in a tub full of beer. Or stabbed in the back by a jealous spouse at an extremely old age. Which one do you think?"

"Stabbed, then if it was in your back your coat could hide the stains."

"Ever practical is my Ianto but wouldn't you then fall flat in the mud face first?"

Ianto considered it for a moment then, "Not if you fell sideways and mud's much easier to remove than blood."

"This is a very strange conversation to be having after sex." The immortal noted suddenly.

"To be fair sir, most people would consider this to be an odd conversation any time."

"Mmmm, and you should be asleep right about now so goodnight."

"G'night cariad." Ianto murmured softly, his bright blue eyes slipping closed.

"Good night Ianto Jones." Jack dropped a kiss on to the Welshman's forehead and rocked back and forth and hummed a soft little song until he was sure that his lover really was truly asleep before making his way up the rickety old metal ladder to his office and the offending pile of paperwork sitting on his desk. Although it probably wouldn't be such a big pile of paperwork if he didn't try to get out of it so often but it wasn't his fault, he just wasn't a paperwork sort of guy. Not like Ianto, Ianto with his perfect eyes and nice arse and handsome looks and accentuating suits that made him look almost as good as those super tight jeans he had hidden in the back of his wardrobe.

Actually, if he did all of his paperwork now then that would give him a lot more time to stare at Ianto the next day and tempt the young tea boy into his office to see what was on the agenda for the next week and maybe he would have to come in to look for some paper clips and have to bend over again.. Jack picked up his pen and hastily began to write.


	4. Chapter 4

"You absolute fucking bastard Jack Harkness!" Ianto shouted angrily at the elder man, "How the hell could you let Gwen get away with that?! The rules clearly state that any non-team member who is in possession of information about torchwood is to be immediately retconned and moved to a monitored and secure location! Is it that you're shagging Gwen behind my back so you're giving her special favours? Because if that is the case then I'm going to complain about favouritism!"

Jack felt a pang of sadness that Ianto could think that he was a whore with so little provocation but immediately dismissed it, freaky wrong things did not deserve a good, respectable reputation after all, the blame was all his, again.

"Ianto it wasn't like that," the immortal began, "and I'm certainly not cheating on you with Gwen, I would never do that."

"Yeah? Well apparently trust and having no secrets and all of that shit don't mean much wherever you come from, how am I meant to trust you when every day I wake up scared that you will have left me for Gwen?! How is that a proper relationship, Jack, how?!"

"I've trusted you with more of my secrets than I have done with anyone for over 150 years, compared to you Gwen knows as much about me as Tosh, Owen and all of UNIT put together."

"But no secrets that actually matter," Ianto replied, "you know everything about me, literally everything and I told you that willingly! With you the tiny bits of information that you do occasionally let slip I have to spend ages puzzling over and even then the picture is all blurry, that isn't a proper relationship Jack! You told me after Lisa no more secrets and so far I've honoured that but you haven't!"

And Jack hated himself for the upset and angry look on the younger man's face and felt sick because he knew that it had been him who had put it there. Or maybe he felt sick because that poor creature in the warehouse had suffered the exact same torture as him, definitely an extreme situation for one to be able to empathise with. Ianto's expression softened just a tad and a look of sad understanding entered into his blue eyes.

"There were personal reasons," he said, "for everything that you've done today. Reasons that would explain why you acted the way you did, am I right?" the immortal man could only nod, praying to whoever was maybe out there that Ianto didn't realise much more than that. "Something happened whilst you were away; you were with the Doctor weren't you? The same Doctor that was torchwood one's main enemy." Again, he could do no more than nod in confirmation. "Did you and he…?"Ianto trailed off; unsure as to if he really wanted an answer.

"No," Jack told him, "no, we didn't."

"Good," the Welshman said, "so… what did happen?" Jack silently swore as his exhausted brain failed to come up with a suitable answer, think, Jack, think!

"It wasn't a very nice trip," the immortal explained to his lover, carefully choosing his words as he fought back a torrent of salty tears, "not very nice at all."

"I'm sorry," Ianto replied with the uttermost sincerity in his tone that Jack knew was completely genuine and he knew that there were lots more questions lurking in his mind but sensed that now wasn't really the right time to be asking them, "do you… want to maybe come back to my place?" the young tea boy asked the elder hesitantly, unsure of the answer that his partner would give.

"That would be good." Jack smiled and Ianto gave him a shy grin in return before going to collect both of their coats.

When he came back down the stairs, he caught Jack staring blankly off into space with a troubled look in his eyes and an almost imperceptible shiver to his whole stiff body. The Welshman had long since gotten used the the former time agent's occasional period of melancholic remembering and so had never paid it much heed until he had noticed that ever since he had come back from wherever he had gone gallivanting off to with the Doctor the times of sadly staring off into nothing with blank eyes had increased dramatically to at least once or twice a week and were more noticeable than ever when Jack came back from his solitary walks at lunchtime. Very suspicious, Ianto thought silently to himself, pulling his lover back from where he had retreated with a tap on his shoulder and waiting for him to pull on his coat before they headed for the car.

~0~

Ianto let out an inaudible sigh as he poured coffee into two mugs and pulled the tin of biscuits down from where they lay in the top cupboard. He didn't really think that drinking coffee was all that appropriate just before the drinker was about to go to bed but by the time they had arrived at his flat, Jack had been shaking too much for him to try and hide it and neither of them were particularly fond of tea so coffee had been the only option left to them. Ianto realised that he had been staring blankly at the coffee swirling in the mugs for several minuites and hurried back into the living room before the beverages started to go cold and found Jack lying on his front with his chin resting on his hands staring avidly at the TV screen as some action film full of guns and fighting played out. The Welshman smiled slightly at the sight of his lover acting so childishly and sat down on the sofa, placing the cups and biscuit tine down on the coffee table. Ianto barely held in his laughter as Jack moved slightly to the side and his arm reached up and he grabbed a custard cream without his eyes ever once leaving the action playing on the screen.

The movie eventually ended and Jack shifted himself into an upright position, slowly finishing off the fifth custard cream he had eaten since Ianto had brought out the biscuit tin, "Hungry?" the young tea boy grinned with a fond shake of his head and Jack immediately felt bad because Ianto had probably wanted to have a biscuit too and he knew that the custard creams were one of his favourites and Ianto wouldn't like him anymore if he was fat., the Master had taught him that very well.

The Welshman noticed the sudden change in his lover's mood and hastened to take his mind off it, "So," the younger purred in a seductive manner, "now that you have quite finished for the movie, what are you planning to do with me?"

A smirk banished the exhausted look that seemed to have taken up an almost permanent residence around the immortal and Ianto felt an excited tingling sensation making its way down his spine.

"Only if you want to do anything," Jack replied seriously and Ianto realised with a shock that all he really wanted to do right now was cuddle up under the duvet that smelled faintly of lavender and Jack's 51st century pheromones whilst the elder spooned him and whispered sweet little nothings in his ear and made him forget about why he had even been angry in the first place.

"I want to cuddle." The Welshman told him definitely and Jack just kissed him very gently on the lips and shooed him into the bedroom whilst he tidied up the coffee mugs and biscuits and washed them all very neatly without making a mess and even got them completely dry because he knew how much Ianto hated drinking out of a wet mug before climbing into bed next to his young lover. The pair simply lay there happily in the silence, occasionally breaking it to murmur some nonsensical endearment in the other's ear until, eventually, with the pale silver light of the moon shining down on them and illuminating the room through the flimsy netting because Ianto could simply not be bothered that night to close the curtains, they fell asleep.

~0~

Jack woke up with a frightened gasp this time instead of the yelling that he usually did when he had a nightmare and Ianto woke up a few moments later because of the restless squirming he had been doing ever since they had fallen asleep. Jack felt his stomach roll then settle into a heavy lump and then Ianto groaned sleepily and grasped his wrist tighter than he normally would. Bile rose fast in his throat and he scrambled awkwardly away as fast as he could in the direction of the bathroom, "Mmmm, Jack?" the young tea boy asked, now confused as well as sleepy, keeping a firm hold on his wrist and Jack struggled harder, guilt adding to the sick feeling in his stomach as he accidentally struck his lover on the shoulder but he ignored it in favour of kneeling over the waste paper bin that was always next to the bedside table and retching more violently than he had ever done in his long and eventful life.

The biscuits that he had eaten no more than a couple of hours earlier as he watched the film were brought back up as a thick, gooey, cream-coloured lump of slag and landed in the bottom of the bin and were then quickly followed by the coffee as a viscous brown liquid that burned his throat even more than the bile seemed to do. After that he had nothing left in his stomach to regurgitate and yet he still dry-heaved painfully because his body just couldn't accept it.

Somewhere along the way, Ianto had wrapped a warm arm around his waist and started to rub soothing circles on his back with the other in an effort to get his frantic gagging to calm down. Jack continued to retch for a while longer until he sat back panting, both throat and stomach aching fiercely as he gasped for the air; gratefully melting into Ianto's warmth as the young Welshman pulled him close and started to rub gentle hands over his abdomen whilst all the time he shook unsteadily.

The former con man noticed the rapidly purpling bruise on the Welshman's shoulder and felt tears spring to his eyes and buried his face in Ianto's neck and let out a sob that sounded more like a groan, "Sshh," Ianto soothed him gently, "are you alright now or do you still feel sick?"

In all honesty, Jack didn't even know what he was feeling, guilt over hitting his lover no matter how accidental, sick from the aftertaste of bile and in pain from the memories of Blake forcing him to his knees with a swift punch to his stomach.

Blake… the Valiant… the Master…

Jack felt his stomach cramp up and he lunged for the bin again and gave several more dry heaves and Ianto held him in strong arms until he had finished before placing a hand on his forehead to check for any sign of fever.

"I don't think you have a stomach bug," the young torchwood employee said, "so maybe you just ate something bad? Although quite often food poisoning is very similar to a stomach bug and most people wouldn't be able to tell the difference…"

Jack let it all wash over his head and went back to trying to hide in Ianto's side again as he struggled to hold back his sobs.

"Sshh," the younger told him again, "let's get you back into the bed hmmm? Maybe you'll feel a bit better then and I'll call Owen in the morning and tell him that we're both taking the day off. How does that sound?"

The immortal shrugged and let out a sound that could only be described as a whimper as the Welshman gently pulled him onto his feet and guided him back to bed and pulled the duvet over him so that he didn't get cold and then started to stroke his hair. "You're still quite pale," Ianto observed, "Do you want me to call Owen? Or maybe get you a hot water bottle?"

Jack shook his head, pulling his lover down next to him and placing a kiss on the bruise on his shoulder in an attempt at an apology, "'M sorry Yan," he whispered eventually, already half asleep, "never mean to hurt you, honest."

"I know," Ianto assured him, "just sleep now cariad, it'll be better in the morning."

Jack knew that that wasn't the least bit true but he didn't think it would hurt to believe it for a while.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter is going to take a while longer to update because I originally had the next 2 chapters planned but I'm going to combine them into one and make an extra large one of about 4000 words

Tosh entered the hub on the day before Christmas Eve with snow in her hair, a bright rosy colour to her cheeks and hands loaded down with shopping bags, "Need some help?" Jack offered innocently and when the young Japanese woman handed him the bags he peered in with the hopes of finding something interesting before she slapped him away.

"Oi you, no looking or you won't get any presents at all tomorrow!"

"I was actually only looking for some wrapping paper and a roll of tape," Jack protested with a pout, "I haven't had a chance to wrap the presents that I've got you all yet." that wasn't actually a lie, he had been procrastinating since the start of December.

"Go and ask Ianto for some then," Tosh replied, "every year you try to find out what your present is and every year you fail, why do you even bother anymore?!"

"Hey you have to give me some credit for trying at least." The immortal shrugged, finally giving up on discovering what gifts Tosh had gotten for them all and heading off to ask Ianto where he kept the rolls of sticky tape with Santa faces on; the techie watched him go with a fond smile then turned around and gave Owen a clap over the head with one precise and fluid turn.

"Stay out of those bags Owen!" she warned, "Or no presents for you tomorrow!"

"How many times have you actually followed that through?" he asked with a smirk, "Face it Tosh, you just can't resist us!"

"I can get Ianto to serve you up de-caff." She remarked and Owen shook his head and immediately held up his hands in a begging gesture as an apology.

"No, no, no! Anything but the de-caff, please, Tosh, I beg you not to get me put on de-caff! That is the ultimate form of torture that is!"

"Then go and make yourself useful and stop being so damn nosy!" she reprimanded him, "Honestly, haven't you got some poor dead alien to dissect in that medical bay of yours?"

"You know, as a matter of fact, I have indeed!" the medic grinned and Tosh wondered if he was happier than one should have been at the thought of cutting up a dead alien. She watched him walk away and then turned and started to wrap up the presents.

~0~

Christmas Eve=

Gwen, Tosh, Owen and Ianto were all sitting quite happily around the Christmas tree that Gwen and Jack had persuaded Ianto to let them have in the hub exchanging and opening presents. Said immortal had gone out on a rift alert earlier and told the others to start without him in spite of Tosh and Ianto's protests, "Hurry up tea boy!" Owen berated the youngest member of their group, "It'll be next Christmas by the time we get our presents!" Tosh gave him a smack on the arm and Ianto shot him a look that clearly said 'how immature can you get?' before bypassing the medic's grasping hands and handed Gwen a present wrapped with shiny blue paper and a wonky red bow.

"All the presents with shiny blue paper are the ones from Jack," he informed them, "and he refused to let me help with the sticky tape so you might get glued to your presents."

"Oooh," Gwen said, pulling off the paper and discovering one of the best pair of earrings she had ever seen, "oh my God! Ianto you absolutely have got to give him a thank you snog from me!"

"He'll give the captain a bit more than just a snog." Owen sneered and Ianto gave him a 'how stupid can you get look?' before passing a pile of presents to Tosh and sorting out his own.

"So these are for Jack," the Welshman said, indicating a pile of gaudily wrapped gifts, "these are for me and hands up if you think that Owen doesn't deserve his presents?" both of the women raised their hands but Owen did his best 'puppy dog eyes' at them and Tosh reluctantly lowered her hand with Gwen sighing in defeat and following suit a moment later; Ianto rolled his eyes and very reluctantly handed the other man his presents.

"Oh!" Tosh exclaimed in delight as she unwrapped a money voucher each from Gwen and Owen, several special blends of coffee from Ianto and a ticket to the theatre from Jack to see a play that she had been longing to watch for ages, "Ianto, snog Jack from em and get him to do the same toy you! Thank you!" she said happily, pulling the two welsh people into a bone-crushing hug and giving Owen a peck on the cheek.

Owen gave both women a groping embrace and muttered a 'cheers mate' to Ianto after the four all clubbed together to buy him a new leather jacket after his old one had been torn by weevils.

"Open your Ianto!" Tosh berated him and Gwen joined in, eager to see what their captain had brought him, the Welshman carefully pried open the paper and almost burst into tears at what the box contained. A silver stopwatch cover with their names entwined and a heart next to them, Ianto knew exactly what message Jack was trying to get across.

"What did he get you?" Gwen demanded excitedly, peering over his shoulder, "Oh my God that is so sweet!" she gushed upon spotting the small silver object in the younger's hands.

"Yes, it is just a bit isn't it?" he smiled, pulling the stopwatch out of his pocket and putting the cover on, a perfect fit.

~0~

"Are you sure that you don't want to come and spend Christmas with me Jack?" Ianto asked his lover that evening, the others having already gone home, "Honestly, my mam wouldn't mind, she always makes far too much food and she's been wanting to meet you for ages."

"Somebody has to feed the residents," Jack reminded him, "and if I stay behind and you want to escape I'm in a perfect position to help you out."

"Or I could just not go at all?" Ianto suggested, he really wasn't looking forward to having to spend the day with a bunch of nieces and nephews and cousins all running around screaming their heads off.

"Nah, go spend Christmas with your family. I promise to call you if you want to escape, unless you just want to straight out kill them?"

The Welshman burst out laughing before pulling the elder into a hug, "So what presents did the others give you? And Gwen and Tosh say I have to give you a snog each from them and for you to give me one too."

"Owen brought me a book called 'The idiot's guide to Wales and its people', Tosh made me a sort of digital memory box so I have another version of my tin but it's got almost unlimited memory and is virtually indestructible and Gwen got me another pair of red braces, fluffy blue socks and an absolutely adorable jumper. I like your present most of all though, very practical- especially since you have been complaining about my bed since the first night you spent in it."

"Well if you do insist on staying in that stupid bunker of yours when you could very easily move in with me then I don't want to freeze my arse off every time that I sleep over." Ianto murmured, attention wondering as Jack did something to his ear that made him want to howl with absolute pleasure.

"Mmmm, I could warm it up for you so easily," the immortal man offered longingly, "but I know for a fact that you haven't wrapped up your family's presents yet so off you go, home time."

"Please come with me tomorrow?" the young tea boy tried one last time.

"You've already heard my answer to that and it hasn't changed in the past five minutes."

"I just hate the idea of you spending Christmas down in that stupid hole in the ground all by yourself, doing paperwork and not even with any television to entertain you," Ianto sighed, "please cariad, you could do with a good meal inside of you and I've missed you these past few days."

No I couldn't, otherwise you wouldn't like me anymore, Jack thought to himself, and freaky wrong things don't deserve as much food as normal people. He placed a kiss on Ianto's mouth, "Go on, you need all the sleep you can get if you have to deal with so many of your relatives all at once tomorrow."

"If you leave me to the mercies of my cousins then I swear you will never see me wearing my jeans again."

"You look better in your suits anyway," Jack shrugged, "now go on home before I decide you look better out of that suit than in it and I never let you leave."

"So tempting." The Welshman gave him one last kiss which was eagerly returned.

"Yan?" came Jack's voice just before he went out the door, "You do know what the message on your present was, don't you?"

"Of course I do," he smiled, "merry Christmas cariad."

~0~

This had to be the best Christmas day he had had in a long time, no, seriously. It was constant sex with no reprieve, what could have been better than that? Oh yeah, instead of shagging this guy willingly he was being raped. Surprising how easy it was to forget that little fact when there was constant pain coursing through your entire body. Although he did deserve it, he was a freaky wrong thing who brought bad luck to everyone he cared about and was lucky Ianto had even considered taking him back he was just that wrong. Man, he really had to stop drifting off like that, some day it would get somebody killed.

"Enjoying yourself freak?" Blake sneered down at him, "Consider this your Christmas present for getting that stupid Welshman of yours out the way, but he would make such a good fuck toy wouldn't he?"

"Stay away from him!" Jack begged him fearfully, "You promised that you wouldn't go anywhere near him, you promised!"

"Then promise me something."

"Anything." He agreed readily.

"The next time that you and that cunt have sex, I want you to do it all whilst thinking of me, I want only me to make you hard, understand that freak?"

By this time, Blake was pressing on his windpipe and he gave a nod of confirmation.

"Good freak, now kneel!"

The immortal man gingerly moved his exhausted and aching frame onto its knees and sighed as the younger man almost instantly got hard again. All for Ianto, this was all for Ianto, he tried to tell himself desperately, Ianto was worth the entire universe and then some and certainly enduring something that wasn't even half as much as he deserved was the least that he could do to keep his welsh tea boy safe.

~0~

Not your usual Christmas helping of Rudolph the reindeer, Jack thought to himself as he sat tied to a chair and struggled to find a position where his body didn't feel like it was on fire or even where it felt like only one half of him was on fire, that wasn't all that much to ask for was it? Apparently so.

A superannuated television set had been placed in front of him and there was something in either side of his neck so he had no choice but to stare ahead at the screen where grainy black and white footage played on. The picture changed to a pair of guards both raping a limp on the freezing cold floor at once whilst a man in a suit looked on in laughter and Jack wasn't sure the words he could hear where on the television or from his own memory.

"Enjoying the show freak?" Came Blake's voice, "Oh, so you're bored are you?" he went on without waiting of ran answer, "Well, lucky for you I came up with some ideas for games we can play? But my favourite requires some extra things to help us, they're in the kitchen, don't go anywhere freak."

He left and Jack took the opportunity to close his eyes and let a lone tear roll down, merry Christmas indeed.


	6. Chapter 6

10 days later=

Jack stumbled out of Blake's house and out onto the street, wincing at the pain that it caused him. It was cold and icy but thankfully not snowing again and there had been no rain to turn the streets to slush. He wondered if maybe Blake had injected him with something but then quickly dismissed the idea; he had only died once today so he knew that that wasn't the cause. He fumbled with the latch on the front gate as he struggled not to let himself collapse on the low brick wall and barely noticed the freezing cold touch of metal on his fingers.

The immortal dragged himself out onto the street and staggered off in the direction that was the least populated, as he went he had a fuzzy flashback of him and Ianto the previous day.

*FLASHBACK*

"Jack, are you ok?" Ianto asked hesitantly as they lay on the sofa together.

"Yeah, why d'you ask?" the elder replied, not completely taking his eyes off the documentary on the television.

"Well it's just that lately you've been looking more than a bit ill."

"Way to destroy my self-image as the most handsome man in Cardiff Ianto." He replied sarcastically, still not really listening in favour of absorbing facts about antelopes.

"Sorry, but I am worried about you Jack, I mean, when is the last time that you slept? Or even ate?"

"I ate something this morning didn't I? And, see, I'm eating now."

"I mean a proper meal Jack, not just a few nibbles once every other day or something. The last time that I saw you eat something even akin to a full meal is on our first date and don't think that I didn't notice you pushing most of your food around your plate."

"I'm fine." Jack said automatically.

"You're turning yourself into a skeleton!" Ianto argued, he grabbed the elder's wrists- not noticing the minute flinch it caused- and embraced it with his first finger and thumb until they touched, "See?" he added ad his hand clattered loosely around Jack's wrist like a bangle, "What's going on cariad? Tell me, I want to help you."

"I'm fine," the immortal repeated, the credits rolled and he pushed himself upright, "let's go to bed, it's late and we have to be in the hub early tomorrow to feed that new alien."

Jack stood up to grab the remote from where it had somehow ended up on the floor then suddenly the room was spinning and he had a weird sensation that he was falling but then strong warm hands were anchoring him down and pulling him backwards so he was sitting on the sofa again. The hands were still gripping onto his shoulders tight and Ianto's voice reached through the fog and pulled him back and he discovered himself to be looking into bright blue eyes that were the mirror of his own.

"Jack?!" the Welshman asked, "Jesus Christ, Jack, you had me so scared for a moment there. What's wrong with you?"

Everything, he wanted to answer but bit his tongue and mumbled, "Dizzy," Into Ianto's neck instead, "sorry."

"Oh Jack," the younger sighed, "that's because you've hardly eaten or drunk anything besides coffee these last few days, it's ok, just breathe, it'll stop in a minute or so. And then I'm going to put you to bed and tuck you in and stay there until you go to sleep and I'll come back in here and tidy up then go to sleep myself. Ok now? Come on then, up you get."

Jack waited a while before pretending to fall asleep and listened for Ianto coming to bed himself then sneaked up again, padded out to the kitchen and dumping a plate and his mug and a fork in the sink so in the morning he could pretend he had already eaten.

*END OF FLASHBACK*

At some point, Jack realised that he had managed to get all the way to some deserted street. It wasn't like any of the ones that he had broken down in before after a 'session' with Blake and his feet were hurting for some reason or other then the torture that he had just endured so he was pretty sure he had walked quite a long way away from Blake's house of horrors.

Suddenly his legs gave way and he fell against a wall with a cry of pain. A bead of sweat trickled down his forehead even though it was about minus a billion out in the chilly winter air. The alleyway was quite posh, posher and a lot cleaner than the ones near Blake's house, more like the alleyways in that posh estate thing nearby, shit! If he really was in that part of the city then that meant that he was over two miles away from Blake's house!

In his state, it was going to take him ages to get back to the hub and what if something happened back there in the mean time? What if there was a rift alert and some really dangerous aliens came through that only had to look at a person to strike them stone dead? Jack felt his breath quicken as his heart pounded harder and he tried to stand up only to tumble right back down again on to the hard cobbles. Ianto, he had to get back to Ianto, the Welshman always made everything alright again.

He became aware that the fog that was constantly nudging at the edge of his mind had pushed through his barriers was quickly over-taking everything in its path and plunging him into the darkness. With hands that were shaky from cold and exhaustion, he grabbed for the mobile in his coat pocket and tried to find Ianto's name to call him and ask for just a little bit of help. The phone fell out of his grasp and he looked but a brown fog had descended over his eyes and he realised that he was falling towards the abyss that was just darkness and he struggled to pull himself away from the ever-nearing edge but it reached out to him with welcoming arms and a tempting offer of rest and in spite of all his reservations, he let himself slip under.

~0~

Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart was now of a firm belief that his wife had a sixth sense for when to be called away for the next day or so because one of her friends 'needed her so desperately at a time of great emotional turmoil and struggling'. And this time she had managed to avoid accompanying him to visit his aunt who had only been a year or so younger than his mother so, really, shouldn't she have died by now? But no, the old woman was now in her mid-nineties and still fighting as fit as ever. The Brigadier had particularly liked how one of his old UNIT friends had described it in a conversation that went much like this=

Grandaughter= can I have some money to go shopping?

Mother= only if you go and visit your great aunt on the way.

Grandaughter= no way!

Brigadier= go on, it'll only take a few minutes and it'll kill two birds with one stone.

Friend= it'll take more than a stone to kill that woman.

So that was how he had come to spend a good three hours of this day listening to his aunt drone on and on about all manner of pointless things before finally being allowed to escape her taloned clutches.

Just as he opened the door to his car, he thought he heard a noise down the nearby alleyway and thought it sounded much like an injured cat. Well, he had never been one to be able to turn down a cat in need so he relocked the car and went off in the direction that the sound had come from. What he got at the end of the alley was quite a lot different from what he had expected but he'd seen weirder, definitely seen a lot weirder things than the immortal and occasionally arrogant leader of torchwood three collapsed in an alleyway mumbling to himself like a madman. It was definitely up there though. And though some other UNIT personnel might have been tempted to just leave the man for some other person to bother with, in truth, whenever the Brigadier had spoken to Captain Jack Harkness the American had always been very respectful- a little more flamboyant and flirty than who he usually encountered but nice enough- and a welcome change from the tedious officials who he usually dealt with.

The man on the floor gave a moan and Alistair moved forward partly out of worry, partly out of curiosity, "Captain?" he asked but got no reply, "Captain!" he barked and was shocked that not even the elder's military training kicked in. was he drunk? The Brigadier wondered then dismissed the thought; there was not one whiff of alcohol for at least a mile. Was he sick? Quite possibly, even under the many layers of clothing and RAF coat it was quite easy to see just how thin Jack now was and he was shaking violently, sick was a very likely possibility then. As he got closer, the younger realised that the constant stream of muttering coming from the immortal ex time agent was in fact one word being repeated over and over like a mantra, "Ianto, Ianto, Ianto," over and over again.

The name rang a bell in the old soldier's head and he recalled a polite welsh voice on the end of the phone and a picture in Jack's wallet of a man in a suit. Oh, so that Ianto. Alistair noted the sweat-soaked fringe and grey pallor and dark circles underneath now dull blue eyes like bruises, sick it was then. "Captain?" he tried, then, "Jack?" even that got him no response. The Brigadier wondered if maybe he should call an ambulance or something because he had absolutely no idea how to contact any of the torchwood people and if he called UNIT most likely the information that the immortal leader of torchwood three was in a bad state would get into the wrong hands and the poor sod would be imprisoned and tortured. Not many options left to him then.

A clattering noise on the cobbles brought him out of his musings and he watched with old yet still sharp eyes as Jack's hand moved clumsily over a small, oblong black object and tried and failed to pick it up, still muttering "Ianto," over and over all the while. "Ianto," Jack said again, clearer this time, more plaintive and with more than just a hint of desperation in his voice, "Ianto, please, I'm sorry." Over and over again he repeated it before being interrupted by a violent coughing fit. The object skittered away from under his hand and Alistair bent down to pick it up and discovered that it was in fact the ex con man's mobile phone. He turned it over in his hands and discovered the contacts book with the name Ianto right at the very top.

The Brigadier couldn't resist scrolling through the rest of the list and was surprised at how short it was, Ianto, Owen, Tosh, Gwen, someone called Francine, someone called Tish, a couple of UNIT people that Jack actually got along well with and that was about it, not even the Doctor which was quite surprising. He looked down at Jack who was still mumbling incoherently and selected the top name and pressed the phone to his ear. "Hello?" came a voice with a welsh accent.

"Ianto Jones?"

"Yes."

"I'm Alistair Lethbridge-Stewart, we've talked before."

"I remember, sometimes you call on behalf of UNIT, is everything ok? Only you've never called my mobile before sir."

"How quickly do you think you can get to Penbrooke Drive? Because I have your captain here and he isn't in the best of states."

"What do you mean, has he, you know, died again?" Ianto asked worriedly.

"I'm not too sure, I think he's sick actually, he's asking after you."

"Sick?!" the Welshman repeated frantically, "How sick?!"

"I'm not too sure; looks like he's running quite the fever though, might be delusional too."

A silence, then, "I'll be there as soon as possible." And the line went dead.

~0~

When Ianto Jones pulled up at the entrance to an alleyway that was deserted but for a retired soldier and his immortal boss, it was in his own car instead of the torchwood SUV because he was fairly sure that Tosh had yet to put a tracking device in his own vehicle that he hadn't already torn out and tossed in a garbage can or disabled. He had a good idea of what was going on from what the Brigadier had said to him over the phone but he was still more than just a bit shocked when he pulled up and saw Jack slumped on the dirty floor looking as sick as a half-dead dog.

"Thank you for calling." The Welshman said to the Brigadier who just shook his head and stepped back to give the two lovers some space. "Jack?" Ianto asked the elder gently as he knelt down.

The immortal's eyes flickered slightly but he remained unresponsive and limp, muttering "Ianto," over and over again. The Welshman frowned slightly then gingerly placed his hand on Jack's shoulder and shook him slightly.

"Jack, cariad?" the ex time agent looked up with dull blue eyes and finally seemed to see him.

"Ianto!" he cried happily before falling into a violent coughing fit.

"Christ Jack," Ianto said, pulling him close and rubbing his back, "it's ok, just breathe, breathe, it'll stop in a minute."

"I'm ok, Ianto don't leave, please don't leave me." Jack gasped after it had all ended.

"Oh, cariad, why would I leave you hmmm, come on, do you think you can stand? Let's get you into the car, you're sick."

"Am not," Jack protested weakly. He stood then blinked as he looked around, "Yan, I feel weird."

"I know Jack, it's called being sick, now into the car you get." He pulled the elder to his feet and grabbed his shoulders as he swayed unsteadily before helping him into the front passenger seat, noticing absently on the way that the Brigadier had left.

"Look at the state you're in!" Ianto chided as he pulled Jack's great coat off and threw it haphazardly onto the back seat, "Bloody starving yourself you are and for what hmmm?" he didn't seem like he expected an answer so Jack stayed silent and let him ramble on, "Oh, cariad, what happened?" and his breath caught when he realised that the younger had discovered the fairly large bruise on his left side where Blake had shoved him into the wall with more force than usual.

"I fell," he mumbled in reply to Ianto's question, "I hit a wall, it doesn't hurt." He wanted to say 'can we go home now?' but he didn't know precisely where home really was any more. Ianto had already moved on to his next point of concern.

"Oh, Jack, you're so thin! I'm guessing that's partly why you're feeling so bad at the moment, probably exhausted and hungry and got quite the headache too." No, that couldn't be right, he didn't feel bad, he felt happy. Yes, it was painful, but he deserved it and he was keeping Ianto and the others and their families safe, he was happy. "Clumsy idiot," the young tea boy said fondly, "do you want to go back to the hub or shall we go back to my flat?"

Ok, now that question was harder to answer. Not least because his head was pounding and he wasn't sure if it was in time with his heart or the four beat drum the Master had used to control everyone with and he just felt sick, sicker than he had done in over 150 years. And if they went back to the flat then Blake would know precisely where Ianto lived but if they went to the hub then he would see how to get in and he would be able to hack into the database and discover where everyone and all their families lived. But if he broke into the Welshman's flat he would simply find the man's phonebook and track down all the numbers he found and the entire flat and a life's worth of memories would be gone just like that and Ianto would never forgive him. And yet that would still happen even if he broke into the hub and either way all the team's houses and their families' lives would be in chaos and Blake would probably be able to find a way into the hub without even following them there. It was all so confusing and making his head hurt and he felt dizzy and weak, weak… what if Ianto would leave him now that he saw how weak and helpless he was?

No more Ianto, no more gorgeous blue eyes and brilliant smile and perfect laugh and witty comments and sarcastic remarks. An end to their playful banter on scribbled post-it notes on each other's desks and sex and gentle kisses and sweet little touches all through the day that served to remind them both that they weren't just each other's 'part time shag'. That thought hurt him even more than his head was doing.

An anxious, slightly angry voice cut through his reverie and jerked him back into real-time, "What is it with you and zoning out on me lately?" Ianto asked in an exasperated tone and he almost sounded hurt and most definitely scared and worried and that made Jack feel just a little bit more than slightly guilty.

"Sorry," he mumbled, ashamed. There was a sigh and Jack just knew that the Welshman would be rolling his eyes at him.

"Come on," he said, "shift over so I can plug your seat belt in, are we going back to the hub or my flat?" A sudden bolt of pain lanced through and cut off his answer with a cry as he grasped a hold of Ianto's shoulder tightly, "Jack? What is it, what's wrong?"

"Hurts," he bit out before letting loose a strangled sob "hurts so much."

"You need Owen," Ianto told him worriedly, "this isn't normal Jack, something's wrong with you."

"Thanks for stating the obvious." Jack gasped as the pain bent him double with his arms wrapped tight around his stomach. a cool hand on his face and he leaned into it because he was boiling hot.

"Right, we are going back to the hub. You're fever's risen and when you do finally relent and let me call Owen- which will most likely be when you are half-dead- he can get over there much quicker than he can my flat." At that point, Jack really couldn't bring himself to care.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> got this written earlier than I expected, have to do some research for the next chapter and i'm back at school on Monday although if I skip my homework and really push myself I might get the next chapter uploaded on sunday, also the bitch teacher is on holiday so no homework which means hopefully more work done. 
> 
> basically if you don't get a chapter by next sunday, that's when you should start panicking

The first half of their journey back to the hub was in silence, occasionally broken by a tiny whimper of pain from Jack or a quiet curse as Ianto navigated through the busy throng of traffic on the roads. As they pulled up for the fourth time behind an extraordinarily long line of cars at a set of traffic lights, Ianto glanced across at his lover and frowned in concern. Said immortal was leaning heavily on the window with his knees drawn up tightly to his chest with his spindly arms wrapped around his emaciated body as his frame occasionally shook with painful cramps. Five minutes later and they were still stuck in the damn traffic and Ianto was seriously considering the morals of using his stun gun on the idiot who kept beeping his horn behind them when Jack gave a slightly louder than average whimper and curled up into an even tighter ball. The Welshman reached across and squeezed the elder's hand tightly and he gave him a weak smile in response.

The lights finally changed to green and Ianto almost banged his head on the steering wheel when after crawling along at a snail's pace, they had to stop again. Trying to remind himself that things could be worse, he took the opportunity to further examine the former time agent and he didn't like what he saw. The elder man was so thin that he didn't even look skeletal; his eyes were dull and sunk deep into his face, skin almost grey. Ianto shivered slightly, how and why had it gotten to this? When had his lover started to starve himself and why hadn't he noticed? Maybe it was something that he'd done, although Jack probably wouldn't tell him if it was. Could it be because of the Doctor? Ok, that was possible, after all, Jack hadn't been like this before he had left, or had he? He didn't know anymore; Ianto wondered if he would have even noticed how badly the situation was getting if Jack hadn't collapsed.

Another louder than average whimper and Ianto spotted a tear leak out and down the immortal's face, distraction time. "So what actually happened?" He asked, trying for a cheerful tone, discreetly cranking the heater up to full blast at the same time.

"Dunno," Jack maundered, eyes screwed shut, "I was walking then it was all fuzzy and I fell over and hit my head on the wall and I tried to call you but then it just all went dark."

"But all the way to the posh area?" Ianto remarked incredulously, "Quite a journey that you went on."

Jack just shrugged, "I'll walk about thinking then eventually snap out of it and walk back to the hub, one time I somehow ended up in Splott."

"We should get you a collar with owner's details," The Welshman deadpanned, "I'll ask Owen to chip in, I'm sure he would love to take a photo."

Jack gave a non-committal grunt, "What are you going to tell the others?" he queried, keeping his eyes downcast, "Because brilliant as you are, even you couldn't make up a believable excuse for their immortal leader staggering in looking worse than he does when he's dead."

Ianto shot him a look that was somehow both puzzled and concerned, "Jack, the other three have all gone home, it's 7:30, we've all been worried sick about you- even Owen."

"It is? Oh, the last time that I looked at my watch, it was almost 2."

The younger eyed him warily and wondered if maybe he should call Owen back in because if the situation got any worse the medic would be angrier if he didn't call and hadn't the Brigadier said on the phone that the elder seemed delirious?

Jack knew that Ianto was watching him but was too tired to care. His head was killing him, pounding in time with his heart beat and words bounced around his skull, 'freak, abomination, pervert, stupid, idiot, whore, wrong, wrong; 's not easy even looking at you Jack, 'cuz you're wrong, freak, wrong, thing it…' in addition to that, his stomach kept cramping and it felt a bit like that time when he had been poisoned with Regalious venom by the Master. The Master… maybe it was all still a dream, maybe he was still on the Valiant slowly but surely going insane. Maybe if he fell asleep he would wake up still in chains in the boiler room on the airship being tortured and raped and mind-raped by the Master and all the guards, the freak hidden in the basement so as not to disturb the guest of honour with his wrongness. With the broken bodies of his team scattered all around him and with Tish forced to make her way through the mini graveyard every Sunday to give him a meagre sip of water that was probably fished out a toilet bowl but greatly welcomed all the same, dying more than twice a day really took it out of a man. And so did watching your entire family die horribly after they had been tortured and raped and God knows what else.

Jack let loose a pained sob and then another and he felt all of the emotions that he had been locking away since getting back from the Valiant all rising to the surface and overwhelming him and he just let it carry on because he was just too tired to try and remain the immortal, strong, unbreakable person that everyone knew and expected him to be. Someone sat down on the seat next to him and yet he just carried on crying, he was so tired and everything hurt so fucking much. "Jack? Are you ok, what's the matter?"

Shit, Ianto! But he didn't sound very angry, more perturbed and worried, "Hurts," he mumbled, turning as best he could in his seat and practically throwing himself into Ianto's lap, "hurts so much, so tired, so tired Yan."

"Sshh," the younger quietened him, carding his long fingers through Jack's silky brown hair, "It's going to be alright cariad, I promise, we're home now."

"Home?" He repeated decrepitly.

"Home," Ianto confirmed, brushing a kiss to his forehead.

~0~

Ianto got Jack settled in his narrow camp bed and the instant that his head hit the pillow, he let out a pained groan and curled up on his side with his knees pulled up tightly to his chest. Ianto sat down next to the pillow and started to stroke his hair as the only means that he could think of to provide him with some comfort, "Try to lie on your back, it won't hurt as much then." The Welshman suggested gently. Jack merely shook his head and curled up even smaller. Ianto sighed and then had a brainwave, "Do you think you could maybe do with that hot water bottle now hmmm?" the immortal moaned before giving a slight nod. The younger mumbled something that sounded like 'be right back' and gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze before heading back up the rickety ladder to the kitchen.

The ex time agent groaned again as yet another bout of agony went through him. What he didn't understand was why this was happening to him, he sure as hell couldn't have gotten food poisoning or some sort of stomach bug due to the fact that he had hardly eaten at all these past few days and yet it wasn't hunger pangs, he would know them at once and this wasn't it. So fucking what was wrong with him?! Apart from the obvious of course. Ooh, hold on, that thought floating around in his subconscious looked like it had the answer, wait for it, wait for it… there!

Oh yeah, Jack thought to himself as the memory unfolded in his mind's eye, that was it. Blake had said something about a brand new game they would play and he had agreed to it because otherwise 'that fucking team of yours is going to fucking suffer'. When the deranged lunatic had ordered him to simply shut his eyes and look asleep, it had been surprising- after previous experiences he had been expecting to have to castrate himself- but he didn't dare argue. He had waited and listened whilst the younger had gone to the kitchen and fished something out of the very back of the cupboard where all the pots and pans where kept before sauntering back in, "Open your eyes freak!" he did and then spontaneously recoiled from the massive syringe in his tormentor's hand. Blake laughed before randomly stabbing the tip into his arm and injecting some watery purple liquid. "Ya know freak, that stuff was actually quite a good thing that I invented."

"You invented? You mean someone else did and then you killed them and took all of the credit."

"Well, it's the same ending; don't you want to know what that ending is?"

"Go ahead; I could do with a good laugh."

"Well, when you walk- or rather stagger- out of the front door, it's going to be a lot harder for you to keep our situation a secret from that stupid tea boy of yours." Then there was sire burning through his veins and he tried to scream out of pain but something was blocking his throat and stopping him from speaking and a brown fog was descending over his eyes and slowly putting him to sleep.

"Jack!" a shout snapped him out of his memories and he raised dull, tired eyes to meat Ianto's, when had he come back? Hadn't he only just left to get a hot water bottle? A wave of pain washed over him and he grimaced, yeah, hot water bottle would be much appreciated at this point in time.

Ianto must have noticed his distress because he gently started to tug at his arms and got them to loosen slightly before slipping a hot, fluffy object next to him, Jesus, but if that didn't feel good! He gave a small sound of content and attempted to melt himself into it, oh, how good it would feel to have that hot water bottle glues to his stomach right now. The Welshman shook his head in a show of fond exasperation and gently started to remove his over shirt and the thick blue jumper with stars and snowflakes on Gwen had gotten him for Christmas; for some reason he was freezing cold all the time now, even when in the oven that was Ianto's flat.

"Oh Jack!" the younger exclaimed in equal parts shock and horror as he finally succeeded in removing the jumper. The immortal's usually tight-fitting shirt hung loose on a frame so skinny that every bone underneath the almost translucent skin showed through perfectly. Dark, marring purple bruises spanned one wrist and disappeared under his sleeve, one big long greenish mark lay in all its glory on his side and Ianto wondered absently if maybe he was going to throw up, he was so horrified.

"Oh cariad," he said, softer this time, "What's happened to you?"

Jack assumed that he was talking about the bruises so shrugged slightly and murmured, "I fell over when I was in that alleyway, probably, it doesn't hurt, honestly."

"And you're so thin!"

"Am not." Came the weak protest, Ianto put a hand on his forehead and felt the overheated skin there and got up to go to the tiny ensuite bathroom and came back a few moments later with a wet towel; getting a happy sigh when he started to use it to wipe his lover's face.

"Jack," Ianto started, hesitating slightly as the immortal man snuggled deeper into his side, "are you… I mean... are you deliberately starving yourself so that you can be thin?"

"What, no!" Jack reared up in shock, staring at the young tea boy as if he had just turned into an alien with purple skin and six tentacles. Another bolt of pain ripped through him and he fell back down onto the pillow with a cry, scrabbling to pull the hot water bottle back into position from where it had been dislodged when he moved.

"Sshh," Ianto soothed him softly, readjusting the pillow and pulling the duvet up, "do you want me to get own? He could give you something to help you get better." It didn't surprise him when Jack shook his head.

"Just, hold me, please?" he mumbled and felt relieved when the Welshman slipped under the covers beside him because although he would never say it, just being held in Ianto's strong arms made him feel much better.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry :s , life got in the way  
> also the 2 extracts about eating disorders are from these sites  
> . /health/emotional_health/mental_health/mind_
> 
> /teen/your_mind/mental_health/eat_ #

Ianto stared blankly at the screen of his computer, absently tapping out a tune on the desktop whilst the Google home page waited patiently for him to come to a decision. Stop procrastinating! He mentally berated himself and slowly started to type, not really sure what it actually was that he was hoping to find.

The Welshman first typed in 'anorexia' then backspaced, too specific, there might be another reason. So he wrote 'eating disorders' and saw that there was 52,800,000 results so again deleted and after some careful consideration typed 'causes of eating disorders' and clicked on the first link that seemed the most reliable and began to read.

~0~

While there is evidence that eating disorders can run in families, it isn't yet clear how much risk for developing anorexia or bulimia is carried by genes. 

The social and psychological factors have been better identified, but they are complicated. 

Socially, it doesn't help that we are sometimes pulled in two directions by the media. 

The first way is with images of physical perfection - the man with the perfect six-pack on the cover of a magazine, or a young woman in a bikini. A review of research in 2002 found that women who viewed images of thin models were significantly more dissatisfied with their body images afterwards than women who viewed images of average-size models. This dissatisfaction was higher among younger women and women who already had issues with their body image. 

The second way is the encouragement to eat foods packed with calories made up of saturated fat and simple carbohydrates, the two food types most likely to make you put on weight. Another research review in 2009 took international data on children's television viewing, food advertising and childhood obesity. They found exposure to food advertising was related to childhood obesity, although the strength of the relationship varied from country to country. 

Psychologically, at the root of an eating disorder may be a combination of a number of issues, including:

Distorted body image

Low self-esteem

Anxiety for some control 

An expression of deep emotions such as depression or trauma that can't be put into words

Each person affected by an eating disorder brings their own unique experiences to the problem. For each, the meaning of anorexia or bulimia has aspects that are personal to them. 

~0~

Ianto frowned and then went back and clicked on another link and read that one too.

~0~

No one is really sure what causes eating disorders, although there are many theories about it. Many people who develop an eating disorder are between 13 and 17 years old. This is a time of emotional and physical changes, academic pressures, and a greater degree of peer pressure.

Although there is a sense of greater independence during the teen years, teens might feel that they are not in control of their personal freedom and, sometimes, of their bodies. This can be especially true during puberty.

For girls, even though it's completely normal (and necessary) to gain some additional body fat during puberty, some respond to this change by becoming very fearful of their new weight. They might mistakenly feel compelled to get rid of it any way they can.

When you combine the pressure to be like celebrity role models with the fact that bodies grow and change during puberty, it's not hard to see why some teens develop a negative view of themselves. Celebrity teens and athletes conform to the "Hollywood ideal" — girls are petite and skinny, and guys are athletic and muscular, and these body types are popular not only in Hollywood but also in high school.

Many people with eating disorders also can be depressed or anxious, or have other mental health problems such as obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). There is also evidence that eating disorders may run in families. Although part of this may be genetics, it's also because we learn our values and behaviors from our families.

~0~

Ianto leaned back in his chair and thought hard. The stuff about low self-esteem and sense of self-worth would certainly make sense considering all the time that he had told Jack off because he had called himself expendable. But why was it only surfacing now? Yes, Jack had always put their safety above his but never really with as much desperation or thoughtlessness before he went away. And there had never been any indication from Jack that he believed that Ianto thought him ugly. But all the things that he had ever read always strongly reminded the reader that every person had their own, personal reasons. More questions than answers, damn this was frustrating!

Ok, calm down Ianto, and breath, calm, look at it logically.

Was Jack thin? Definite yes,

Was he too thin? Definite yes again,

Why was he like that? Because he wasn't eating enough,

Ok, why wasn't he eating enough? Right, answer not yet known,

Why is it not yet known? Too many possibilities,

What are the main possibilities? He could have an eating disorder or he could just be sick or he could just be on a health kick.

Which of those seemed the most likely? Eating disorder,

Why? Because Jack has never been sick and why would he go on a heal kick when it would mean that he would have to cut down his caffeine intact and meant less coffee?

Why would Jack develop an eating disorder? One, because he didn't want Ianto to leave him because he thought he was fat. Two, he thought he was fat. Three, some other reason, because who knew what went on in Jack's head? Four, he had somehow got it into his head that Ianto was going to leave him and was trying to not let that happen.

At that moment, said immortal being came clattering down the stairs and Ianto hurriedly switched off the monitor and turned to look at him, "Ianto, something just came through the rift and Tosh managed to get it on CCTV and it looks a lot like something that I'm familiar with and if I'm right then it's this really great syrup-like stuff and can we keep it, please? It tastes great with pancakes and I'll even cook and I absolutely promise not to mess up the kitchen, honest!"

"Just don't tell Owen or he'll start whining about why he can't use that bottle of pheromones to pick up women." He deadpanned. Jack grinned and happily ran off back up the stairs, leaving Ianto to his computer and ever-growing worries.

~0~

Tosh was the only one left in the hub, her fingers going click, click, click on the keyboard as she hummed and occasionally took a sip from the rapidly cooling coffee on her desk. Owen had left… a long time ago, determined to make up for lost drinking time, Ianto and Jack had gone on another date and Gwen was with Rhys. So it was just her, all by herself, well, and Mfwany. So she was doing all the little, not so important things that usually fell by the wayside, like deleting the CCTV footage and checking through everyone's internet history to make sure that they weren't doing anything dodgy.

She had already deleted the history on hers, Jack's and Owen's computers. Owen's contained a lot of porn websites, the odd medical search and more solitaire games; Jack's had emails, searching eBay for alien junk and stalking UNIT personnel on Facebook. Gwen's would no doubt contain shopping websites and wedding plans and other woman stuff. Everything was as normal so it came as a great surprise when she scrolled through Ianto's history and discovered he had been searching about eating disorders. The techie frowned slightly and went deeper, frown growing as she clicked on every new link. Tosh glanced at the clock and saw that Owen probably wasn't do drunk that he wouldn't answer his phone and hurriedly dialed his number, instinct telling her it was more than just innocent curiosity that had driven Ianto to look at those sites.

"This had better be good Tosh," came the medic's irate voice, "thanks to a traffic jam I am not even halfway to the pub and that's put me in a fucking pissy mood."

"Pleasure speaking to you too Owen," Tosh replied curtly, "Listen, I was searching through Ianto's internet history-"

"So Tea Boy has finally discovered the joys of porn, so what?"

"Owen!" she scolded, "And he hasn't been watching porn, he's… crap, Owen, he's been researching eating disorders."

"Oh, he thinks that Jack has…"

"Precisely, now what are you going to so Owen?"

"Whoa, hold on, me!? You're a girl, you're much better at this stuff! You talk to them about it!"

"I can't do it, Ianto will know I searched his internet history and besides, you're a doctor!"

"So?!" Owen asked her, baffled.

"So it's your responsibility Owen!"

"It won't kill him!"

"That's not the point! Owen, you've seen Jack every day since he got back and whether this is all down to an eating disorder or not, he is still sick! Can't you, I don't know, sneak protein powder into his coffee or something?"

"Protein powder?" Owen repeated, "Tosh, you've seen the state of him! It's going to take a bit more than that!"

"Owen!" the young Japanese woman snapped, seriously considering if you could actually slap sense into someone, "First you're denying all responsibility and now you're scoffing at me for trying to do your job for you! Make up your bloody mind or we might lose Jack forever!"

He sighed, "Look Tosh, you know what Jack does when he's cornered. I'll think on it ok? Have to go, the traffic's moving." And with that, he cut the call.

~0~

Ianto was getting increasingly worried about his partner. It had been just over a week since he had collapsed in the alleyway and he only seemed to be getting thinner each day. Has he actually got an eating disorder or is he actually sick? Ianto pondered as he waited for the kettle to boil then filling up the hot water bottle. It was a particularly cold night that night and he also knew that, in spite of the immortal's protests, the stomach pains were still there, even though thankfully the intensity had greatly subsided from what it had been eight days ago.

The Welshman headed back into the bedroom and had to stop himself from squeeing at the adorable sight that was Jack fast asleep and drooling on his pillow. The elder suddenly gave a moan of pain and twisted away from whatever monsters he was dreaming about, getting tangled in the duvet.

"Sshh," Ianto comforted him, untangling the duvet and pulling it back up to cover the elder before placing the hot water bottle in his arms, "see what I got for you? Nice isn't it? Course, you could have spent the whole of the last week with this if you weren't such a stubborn git and took a day off." He wasn't quite sure why he expected to get a reply. Shaking his head at his own foolishness, the young tea boy changed into his pajamas and climbed into bed besides Jack, grateful for the heat that the hot water bottle gave out.

It was a very discomforting feeling, he decided, to be snuggling up with your partner in a warm bed on a cold night and feel as though you were being used as a pincushion. Slowly, so as not to wake the sleeping immortal, Ianto eased him onto his side and pushed up the thick jumper to see his torso. It was almost like running your hands over corrugated iron, or a radiator, the Welshman mused, his fingers slotting into the gaps between ribs like a jigsaw puzzle.

How can I love you when you can't even love yourself Jack? He wondered, just why won't you let me help you for once? What changed in those two months that you were gone with the Doctor, what happened that was so bad that you can't bear to talk about it? Another groan and Ianto snuggled closer, threading an arm over bony shoulders and reaching down to trace every single bone in the ex time agent's spine. Maybe he should talk to Owen; after all, he was a doctor.

"I don't know what's wrong with you cariad," he murmured, "but for my sakes, get better soon."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for graphic descriptions of desk  
> spoilers for coe

Jack wondered in reincarnation and karma applied to him as he was slammed against the floor and then brutally fucked so hard he would probably get carpet burn, "So you missed out on a few of your appointments you bastard," Blake sneered down at him, "now, why was that?" He stayed silent then winced as Blake slammed his head against the floor, glad that this time he didn't electrocute him for disobedience, "Tell me freak, or do you want me to pay a visit to your daughter and her brat?" The immortal man's breath caught as he stared up at his tormentor in a panic, how had he found out? The younger sneered, "I have my ways, now, answer the damn question!"

"Because Ianto didn't want me to go out the hub because I was sick," he explained, refusing to meet those cold grey eyes in that impassive face that never failed to scare the shit out of him.

"Did it have anything to do with my special medicine?" He gloated and Jack nodded, hating that this guy was able to render him speechless from fear with just his presence. Blake cackled and Jack had a random memory of going to see a film with Estelle and the evil villain plotting to destroy a village, "Well freak, do you want to try that all again, or do you want me to torture you a bit more? Your choice,"

Except that it wasn't, not really, Blake knew that he was only doing it to keep Ianto and the team safe. The only way to do that was to go for the torture, Ianto would get suspicious if he was sick again and he wouldn't be able to hide it from the others as well next time. Of course, torture had the risk of spilling blood on his clothes but… he could just say that he had found an injured deer by the roadside, couldn't he? After all, it had said on some TV programme that more and more seer each year were moving to the cities so it wasn't that far-fetched an idea.

"I'll take the torture." The ex time agent decided, hoping that he was indeed making the right choice and not going to get the torchwood team and their families killed.

"I was hoping you would pick that!" The former UNIT member told him gleefully, "I've thought up loads of new games but you haven't been here!" He actually had the nerve to pout, "So that means, my freaky friend, that we're going to have to work twice as fast ok?" For one bizarre moment, he sounded like a kindly school teacher cajoling a petulant child to hurry up and start their work. Before he was able to give even a nod in confirmation, Blake had already pulled away from him and retrieved the iron manacles from the drawer and was advancing on him like a hunter approaching injured prey. The younger secured the cuffs round his wrists then gave him a very pointed look and he wearily pulled himself and the heavy chains up off the floor and attached himself to the hooks set in the ceiling with a practised ease, closing his eyes against the inevitable pain to come.

~0~

An immeasurable amount of time later and Jack found himself tied to a chair and watching tapes of both what happened on the Valiant and numerous times of him and Blake. Fortunately, the chair wasn't the same one as last time that had the weird spike things that dug into his neck that stopped him from looking anywhere else. But it was still quite a bad experience for one to go through though. The screen flickered and in spite of the poor quality footage, Jack could see everything playing out in perfect, crisp detail as memory upon horrible memory swam through his mind.

Three terrified teenagers all no older than 17 brought in by a terrified guard called Heaney at gunpoint and the Master ordered the men to rape him or they all died; he even let the freak out of his chains for the occasion. The youngest, who whispered to Jack that his name was Lloyd and he was so sorry, just tried to get it over as quickly as he could, keeping his eyes closed almost the whole time. The teen who seemed to be the second eldest kept muttering 'God forgive me' over and over. The eldest seemed to have had at least some idea of what would actually happen and used his spit as a lube to try to make it less painful for him. The three boys (because seventeen was still only a boy, just a child) were made to line up against the far wall once it was all over, with their hands behind their backs, shirts tucked in; looking like good little soldiers. In some ways, Jack hoped for once that the Master would let his sadistic side show through and kill those poor teens because otherwise they were going to have to live with what they had done for the rest of their lives, acting under duress or not.

"Oi, freak, I'm talking to you!" Jack snapped back to attention, giving Blake the best glare he could manage in current circumstances and got a laugh in return, "Oh, defiant, I love it freak! But say, don't you want to go home now? Only, I'm going to leave you with a little parting gift."

Yet another syringe plunged into his vein but this time the pain subsided after a few seconds and he hurried out of the house of horrors, feeling déjà vu as the familiar feelings of sickness rose up again, but this time fortunately minus the stomach cramps.

He made his way back to the hub where thankfully only Ianto was working and caught him when he staggered in. Asking what was wrong and seeming to accept his feeble reply of not feeling very well without comment. The Welshman simply took him down to his bunker and removed his coat and over shirt but thankfully leaving his jumper on before getting him into the bed and fetching a bucket just in case before stroking his hair until he fell asleep.

~0~

Jack stared blearily up at the ceiling of his bunker whilst Ianto stroked his hair, "You should go home for the night." He mumbled eventually.

"You should let Owen come down here and check you over but you won't, same rules apply."

"I'm the boss, ergo; you have to do what I say."

"Yeah, well, you're sick so consider this the nicest sort of mutiny you'll ever have to face."

"You should go home." Jack mumbled again, feeling pleasantly out of it.

"You sure?" Ianto asked him worriedly, finally relenting that the immortal was not going to give up.

"Very sure but… just… stay with me until I fall asleep again, please?"

"Of course." Ianto smiled, starting to stroke Jack's hair again.

~0~

The master watched with a disdainful expression on his face and his lips curled in to a sneer as Jack came back to life with a painful gasp and jerked around in the chains that held him force fully to the hot metal walls around him.

"Got bored of being the Doctor's personal chauffeur then?" the immortal captain asked him with a smirk and fancied that one of the soldiers guarding the door grinned a little at that too.

"Oh just you wait freak." The time lord sneered, before plunging a knife straight through his heart.

When Jack revived he found himself no longer in the boiler room, he tried to look around to see where he was now but discovered that he couldn't move his head more than half of an inch in any direction so settled for listening for the Master to come back, or one of the guards, being without company felt weird and daunting funnily enough.

Just when he thought he was going to be isolated and immobile for ever the Master came in and had a grin on his face that jack had learnt long ago meant a lot of pain although not necessarily dying and if he did lose his life at all it would be an incredibly slow experience.

"Do you know where you are freak?" he demanded, sounding almost like a child on Christmas day begging his parents for his gifts.

"In your very over bearing presence?" he drawled with an eye roll.

"Oh very good! You're learning your place at last! Now, to use an extremely old phase, this won't hurt a bit."

There was a sound of crunching gears and stone scraping against metal before pain exploded behind his eyes and he knew nothing except the blackness that descended over him.

Reviving this time around was an incredibly painful process and when his body had healed itself he wondered how exactly he had died and then his ears were ringing from a round of applause coming out of now here. "Oh bravo freak that was brilliant! I wonder what it will be like if I did that again but slower, let's find out! Oh, and freak, look up."

He did and almost screamed at what he saw. It was a heavy stone cylinder 3 metres tall and 2 metres wide, he looked down and saw he was trapped between two halves of stone with an opening at the top for his head, he spotted a pulley system attached to the stone and felt bile rise up in his throat as he realised what had happened. His head had been crushed by the stone. He would have puked if he had anything in his stomach to regurgitate.

The stone started to lower again but this time he could see it as it inched slowly down towards him and wondered if he bit his tongue out whether he would die of blood loss before the stone could crush his skull.

The next time he looked up the stone was a mere 5 inches away and steadily coming lower and lower. The rough granite grazed his head and gradually began to push him further and further down, his jaw collided with the stone he was trapped in and smacked back with a resounding crunch and the stone pressed down harder and harder, soon his skull would crack and then it would start to crush his brains while he was still alive until his entire head resembled nothing more than a sticky gooey pile of skin and dust.

He felt his skull crack and prayed he's lose conscious soon, luckily he did.

The stone descended lower and lower, when it rose up again it looked to the entire world as if his head had exploded.

The Master watched in fascination as the bones began to reform from the dust and the brains solidified until Jack was recognisable again.

He revived with a painful groan instead of his usual gasp.

Then the Master did it all over again.

~0~

Jack shot up in bed covered in sticky cold sweat and duvet pooled on the floor where he had thrown it off as he squirmed in his sleep. His stomach churned dangerously and he wondered for one terrible moment if he was going to throw up like the last time but thankfully the contents of his stomach decided they were going to stay where they were and he instead pulled up his knees and rested his forehead on them. Of all the things that had happened to him on the Valiant that was probably the nicest of them. Between death and the total destruction of your mind as a madman brought up all the memories you had tried to repress, he would take death every time.

Jack suddenly realised just how cold it was down in his bunker and hurriedly pulled the duvet back up, huddling into the soft fabric to try and conjure up some heat. Why did he get so cold so easily nowadays? He remembered falling asleep to Ianto's fearful expression and worried blue eyes, the young man didn't deserve the stress- least of all over a freaky wrong thing that mattered to no-one. He recalled some of the things that had happened during the year that never was and retched slightly. He had to tell Ianto, needed to tell Ianto, tomorrow.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you're getting an early update :) don't get used to it

It seemed an age until Ianto arrived a work that morning and Jack was tense and nervous until the cog door rolled back and the Welshman finally came in; calm washed over him, he was doing the right thing. The younger glanced up and gave him a smile before booting up the computer systems, checking the rift monitor and then going to make the coffee that Jack swore should be put on a pedestal and worshipped like the most important deity in the universe.

The immortal man headed down to the kitchen and pressed a kiss to the back of the Welshman's neck before wrapping his arms around his slim waist. Ianto felt a grin form on his face as he turned around and greeted his lover with a passionate kiss, "If you don't let me go then I won't be able to make you that coffee that you claim tastes so good."

"Mmmm, you taste better anyways." He replied happily and Ianto tried not to grimace as he looped his hands under Jack's arms and felt the bones poking out there.

"Jack, you and me really need to have a chat about your weight."

"Why, do you think I'm getting fat?!" Jack demanded, panicking as a whole menagerie of thoughts ran through his mind, would Ianto leave him?! Didn't he find him attractive anymore?! He wouldn't be able to function without the Welshman, some days it was him and only him that was getting him through his 'sessions' with Blake and preventing him from breaking down completely, an accented tone cut his worries short.

"No, cariad, exactly the opposite in fact, you're much too thin, it isn't at all healthy- almost as if you're getting thinner every day."

Jack let out a sigh of monumental relief and pulled his lover close, carding his fingers through his silky brown hair, "I have to talk to you about something." He mumbled, ready to just close his eyes right there and then as however many nights' sleepless hours caught up with him.

"What is it? You can tell me anything."

"Not right now, later, once all of the others have gone and it's just us here, alone."

"You could come back to my flat." Ianto offered, but Jack shook his head.

"It has to be here." So when you realise just how much I don't deserve you and how much you hate me, it doesn't taint your memories of home, he added in his head silently.

"Make you a deal," Ianto offered, "we talk about whatever it is that you want to talk about and then tomorrow we have a long chat about your health, deal?"

"Deal," the immortal said, "even if there's absolutely nothing wrong with me at all." That simply got him a trademark eye roll and an exasperated sigh that sounded a lot like 'stubborn git'. "So, I'll send all the others home at, what, half six?" The former time agent queried and Ianto nodded his agreement, "I'll see you there then." Jack said- trying for a grin and hurrying off before the Welshman realised that it didn't meet his eyes.

~0~

Half past six came around quicker than Jack would have liked it to do and so he sent everybody home, promising to call if there was a rift alert and waited for Ianto to finish up doing… whatever it was he did in the archives and come up to his office. The second hand seemed to tick by agonizingly slowly until finally the Welshman knocked on the door and entered his office precisely on time. The immortal wondered if maybe he should have requested a coffee as it was most probably going to be his last proper one that wasn't some horrible decaf for a century or two.

"So what was it that you wanted to talk to me about?" Ianto asked him cheerfully and Jack wordlessly beckoned him down into his bunker and they sat across each other on the tiny bed- when Ianto leaves him, as he's sure to do, he wants to be able to curl up under the covers, sobbing his heart out.

"Yan," he starts, wanting to say the nickname he'd thought up for his lover for one last time, "I'm sorry."

The young tea boy's brow furrowed, mind working overtime as he tried to decipher the cryptic message. Obviously the elder had done something that was most likely going to hurt him in some way or the other but he was showing genuine remorse, and, shit, what was he supposed to say now? "What do you have to be sorry for?" he asked, trying to keep his voice level.

"Ianto," a lone salty tear slid down a cheekbone that was much too prominent, "we can't be together anymore because, because…" he tried not to let himself break down in tears, "because I cheated on you."

"Who with and how long for?!" Ianto demanded, feeling rage boil up.

"Since practically the start of when I was away." He mumbled, and there was no doubt that the relationship was on-going.

"With Gwen?" the Welshman asked, and wasn't sure what to feel when Jack shook his head.

"With this guy…" he trailed off, absently noting the painful throb in his cheek where the younger had just punched him.

"You fucking bastard, you complete and totally utter piece of fucking scum I have ever laid eyes on!" Ianto fumed, pacing feverishly around the tiny room; Jack hung his head, accepting what he knew he deserved. "Why?!" Ianto asked, and he sounded just so utterly distraught and anguished that it broke what was left of his tattered heart to pieces. Jack shook his head under the Welshman's angry glare, feeling the starts of a waterfall on his face and knowing that it was nothing compared to what Ianto was feeling.

"I hate you." The younger said firmly once their gazes finally met, he slowly backed up against the metal ladder, slowly shaking his head, "I do, and I fucking hate you."

And with that, he turned and with shaky fingers scaled the ladder and fled, away from the immortal who was now silently crying on the bed.

~0~

A day later and Jack was curled up under the duvet in his tiny camp bed, trying his hardest not to fall asleep in fear of the memories that would come charging in. Jack buried his head deeper into the pillow that under the odour of tears, himself and dust still had a whiff of Ianto; wincing as a result of what Blake had done to him earlier, Blake… he was the reason he had lost Ianto, no! He shouted inside his head angrily, Blake wasn't the reason you lost Ianto, you were the reason that he hates you. If you weren't such a freaky wrong thing then the Tardis would never have taken off to the end of the universe and the Master would never have been awakened and then the year that never was would never have happened and you would never have met Blake and… his musings came to an abrupt halt by a sudden noise at the top of the ladder in his office and he hastily wiped his face on the corner of the duvet (and it was the one that Ianto had brought him for Christmas) and sat straight up, running a hand through his hair. He blinked stupidly when he saw Tosh staring down at him with wide eyes. Ok, now that was surprising.

Earlier in the day, Ianto had come in late and then proceeded to tell everyone just how much of a bastard their boss actually was. Owen had simply said 'told you so' whereas Gwen and Tosh had cooed out their sympathies before proceeding to mother-hen the Welshman until he had escaped to the archives. Then Gwen had ranted and raged and steadily got more and more angry as she was unable to find him to give him a piece of her mind. Tosh hasn't said as much herself but Jack just knew she would be thinking the exact same things as Gwen and probably worse- always watch out for the quiet ones.

The young Japanese woman continued to stare down at the immortal with an unreadable express on her face. She noted the thin layer of skin that was stretched tight over too many bones poking out, the pallor of it so white that it was almost as if he was a drawing coloured in with crayons and someone had taken an eraser to him; but most of all she noted the sad, dull, sunken eyes and the rings under them so dark that they were almost black.

Tosh looked down at her boss and was struck with a horrible realisation: this wasn't a man wallowing in a mass of self-pity, she was looking into the eyes of a man whose life had just gone down the pan because of the loss of the one thing that he had valued above everything else he had ever had. What really happened to make him cheat on Ianto? The young techie asked herself, Jack adored Ianto, so much that even a blind person could see that a mile off, he would have had to have had a good reason for cheating on him like that for so long. Coupled with the fact that he had told Ianto himself and the tea boy had had no idea so it wasn't as if he had felt pressured into confessing. Her head was spinning with all this new-found information and she quickly vanished, not stopping long enough to see Jack's face crumple as yet another person rejected him.

~0~

Tosh stared indecisively at her phone, her fingers tapping out an anxious rhythm against her thigh. Should she call Owen? Maybe, should Jack get help? Definite yes, would Jack contemplate going to any doctor ever? No, would Owen check him over even if he told him not to? Yes, even if it was just to piss him off further. Did that mean that she should call Owen? Yes. Trying not to think about what would happen if she was wrong, the techie picked up the phone and dialled Owen's number, glad that for once the medic wasn't going to be in a pub or stuck in a traffic jam with a bad mood like the last time- Owen was a stubborn drunk.

The voice that answered the phone was bleary and heavy with sleep and Tosh gave a wince as she glanced at the clock and saw how late it was, she had obviously been pondering alone in the darkness for longer than she'd thought. "Owen," she began, and it was an effort to make sure her voice was steady and even, "it's Jack."

"Oh, let me guess, you were in your 'concerned and/or mother mode' and you thought it a good idea to go and see Jack who I presume was hiding out down in that stupid bunker of his and then you saw just how fucking thin he is and thought you would call me in a stupid hope that I would be able to do something even though I bloody well can't!"

He stopped, breathing heavily and Tosh wasn't really all that surprised at the medic's outburst and forced herself to calm down before answering, "Owen, he's sick. I don't mean that fact that he's starving himself, I mean properly sick. The whole bunker smelt of puke and sweat and Jack looked so pale, a sheet of paper would be black in comparison; on top of that I think he's also severely dehydrated and, and I think we've all got it wrong and there was a very good reason that he cheated on Ianto."

"Since when did you become the bloody doctor 'round here?!" Owen grumbled but she knew that under the surly façade his mind was probably working overtime to try and figure out what was wrong with the captain, time to say why she had really called him up.

"I want you to go in early tomorrow and check him over and bloody well find out what is wrong with Jack before we all get in and then you are going to do your damn best to fix him and if you can't then… then… we're going to get Jack some professional help or we're going to get him to tell us how to contact his 'Doctor' and get him to help!"

"Would it be completely inappropriate to say how sexy you are when you're angry?"

"Yes, yes it would. Now, what are you going to do in the morning?"

"Go in early and check Jack over and make him better." Owen repeated, trying and failing to mimic her voice.

"Good boy." She said sarcastically before hanging up.


	11. Chapter 11

Owen really did not like the hub in the morning. When Jack had taken off and everybody had been forced to take on an extra load of paperwork some days he would be in at 5, even 4 in the morning to try and keep up. The hub in the morning was always dark and full of shadows and full of silence without the constant whir of the computers that were there during the day. Owen would never admit to anyone- not even to himself- but he was scared and a lot more jumpy when he was alone in the hub in the morning.

Trying not to listen to the infernal little voice in his head whispering about scene from horror films and books, he made his way down to the medical bay and started to search for his kit bag; Ianto would never learn that he worked better in his 'organised chaos'. Whilst he searched, the grouchy medic thought back on the past months since the immortal had come back from wherever he had buggered off to. When he had first come back, the incident with John Hart had gotten in the way of any sort of proper reunion and then there had been a hectic few weeks in which paperwork needed to be done along with autopsies, the sleeper agent, and God knows what else during which time Jack had fitted back into the fold and everything had gone back to normal.

Except it hadn't, not really, because Jack and Ianto had started to date an do things properly as a couple and he had finally started to understand that he fancied Tosh and Owen couldn't work out if this change was for the better or if he wanted everything to go back to how it was before Abbadon. But just when had he started to notice a change in Jack? Owen tried to remember anything at all that would explain this baffling new behaviour to him. When Jack had come back Owen remembered standing in the lobby of some hotel that he had forgotten the name of and looked across at Jack and randomly noted that his belt was done up tighter than it had been before he'd left. And now that he thought about it… the immortal man had seemed older somehow, much more weary, with cheekbones that stuck out a bit more too and shoulder bones that poked through the back of his over shirt and ribs that you could see when you looked at him from the side.

The Londoner felt guilty that he hadn't recognised the signs before and actually… it was so obvious that Jack adored Ianto, Owen remembered when the boss was shagging Susie, and they had never been exclusive or gone on dates. Shit, something was seriously wrong with their captain and they were the biggest fucking arseholes in Wales for not realising it sooner. The only reason that Owen could think of which would make jack cheat on the Welshman was if somebody was threatening him. Double shit, if Jack was being blackmailed then probably his self-esteem was pretty low too- although Owen had never really believed that it had been all that high in the first place- and he was vulnerable to any comments and likely to believe them. Oh… Owen mentally made a note to tell the others to never comment on Jack's eating habits ever again as he headed up to the office. A certain captain needed a check-up.

~0~

Jack could honestly say that this was one of the worst days of his life. Well, after Ianto saying that he hated him, losing his dad and brother when he was 13, thinking Ianto was dead after his girlfriend turned cyber woman went psycho and finding out that he was a freaky wrong thing. Right now, he was puking his guts up in the toilet in the tiny bathroom in his tiny bunker and all he really wanted to do was to curl up in Ianto's bed with the Welshman looking after him and rubbing circles on his back and wiping his face down with a soft fluffy towel soaked in cold, cold water before making some chamomile tea then gently getting him to drink it all even though he didn't like it very much and then finally whispering sweet nothings in his ear until he fell asleep.

Jack let out a sob as a wave of dizziness hit him and he heaved into the toilet again. He had no idea how long he had been curled up on the cold tile floor, one minute boiling hot and the next freezing cold and dizzy the whole time which didn't bode well when you were already feeling sick. Jack wondered whether he would be able to get up to his office to get his gun out the drawer of his desk to shoot himself but he quickly dismissed that idea as soon as he retched again. His eyes drifted shut and he rested his head against the wall as the temperature went from freezing to boiling in a nanosecond and his head started to pound even harder. Jack let out a groan and curled into a ball as his stomach cramped then he dived for the toilet bowl and heaved again and again but for some reason this time it wouldn't stop, his stomach was desperately trying to expel more puke but it was empty, the last time that he had eaten anything had been days ago, he was surprised that even a little bile had been left behind. The smell of the bathroom made him heave; there was nothing left inside his stomach left to be regurgitated but it still felt as though hot, bitter lumps of stuff were gathering in his throat and choking him.

Jack heaved and gasped and spat and cried and panted as he attempted to steady himself against his body's brutal onslaught. That stuff was disgusting and it came from him! The thought made him retch harder and his stomach cramped and he doubled over in pain with a sob. It finally ended and he fell back, panting for oxygen. A noise made him turn and he saw Owen leaning on the doorframe with an expression on his face that was a combination between fear and confusion, "Jack…?"

~0~

Owen quickly recovered from the shock of seeing his immortal (and supposedly invulnerable) boss upchucking and in spite of his protests yanked him upright, waited for him to stop puking because of the dizziness it caused, then put him to bed and headed to get a bucket because he couldn't be arsed to get the immortal up and down to the bathroom every time he heaved.

"So why did you and Ianto break up then?" He asked Jack as he sat at the foot of the bed whilst the elder shivered under the covers, clutching his great coat tightly in his hands like a security blanket. He already knew the answer of course but there were two sides to every story and with all due respect to the guy, Ianto's version of events was most probably biased.

"I cheated on him and now he hates me and realises just how much I don't deserve him." Jack shrugged, as nonchalant as if they were discussing sheep.

"Oh?" the medic said, "what, no 'it was his entire fault' or 'I had a good reason'?" Jack shook his head then doubled over with a barely muffled whimper as another cramp hit him, "Sshh," Owen soothed, rubbing his shoulder in a very un-Owen like manner, "it'll stop soon, can you lie on your back? It will make it hurt less then." Jack shook his head, doctor or not, it hurt too much to follow orders, "How did I know you would say that?" the younger muttered with an eye roll to rival Ianto's, digging in his bag for his stethoscope and breathing on the disk to warm it up before listening to the immortal man's heartbeat.

With a frown, Owen placed his hand on Jack's forehead and felt the heat radiating from there, "You're burning up you know."

"It hadn't escaped my notice."

"Ha, bloody, ha; but seriously, vomiting, nausea, fever, how long has this been going on for?"

"Dunno, honestly, I don't know."

"Fine, then tell me something you do know."

"Huh?"

"You've got an eating disorder." What Owen expected was for the captain to deny everything, what he didn't expect was for him to burst out laughing until he doubled over heaving into the bucket again.

"And here was me thinking that you were smart!" He wheezed, "Flipping hell, where did you all get that idea from?"

"Jack, have you had a good fucking look at yourself lately?" Owen scoffed, "You must weigh, what, six stone? It isn't healthy you twat! You're dehydrated, sick, and much too thin, and I bet you're wondering why it's so cold nowadays, it's because you're so thin and you have no excess fat to keep you warm and all the energy that you do have is going towards just keeping you from collapsing; what's going on?!"

Jack's eyes darkened suddenly, "I don't deserve food Owen, and freaky wrong things don't deserve as much food as normal people."

"You fucking what?" Owen demanded.

"Pull up a chair Owen," the immortal told him grimly, "this is going to take a while."

~0~

Owen sat opposite Jack on the bed, nursing a mug of tea in his hands; Jack was glowering down at his own mug of some ginger concoction that Owen had insisted would help with the nausea. "So you were away," the medic started slowly, "and for us it was only two months but for you it was a whole year?" Jack nodded, "What happened during that time?"

A swallow, then a steadying breath, "The Tardis arrived on the plass and the last time that I had seen the Doctor was 150 years ago when he left me behind on a satellite in the year 200,100. I teleported to earth but I go the dates wrong and ended up stranded after my vortex manipulator broke. And, shit, Owen, I was only going to talk to him, and then I was going to say goodbye to you all and go and travel with him, but the Tardis- that's the doctor's time machine- tried to shake me off, something about my condition makes her go haywire. We ended up at the end of the universe and accidentally reawakened the Doctor's oldest enemy, the Master. He stole the Tardis and came back to this time where he pretended to be Harold Saxon. Long story short, he conquered the world, held me and the Doctor prisoners on an airship called the Valiant along with Martha Jones' family; after a year, Martha saved us all and it was reversed so only the people on the Valiant remember what happened. Then Lucy Saxon shot her husband and he's well and truly dead now."

"Let me guess, you were tortured," Jack's breath hitched and told Owen everything that he needed to know, "what else did that bastard do to you?"

"Rape," the immortal man whispered, words startling loud down in the quiet of the bunker, "mind rape and, shit, Owen, I can't. I'm a freaky wrong thing who deserved all of it and more but I can't tell you about it, why?"

"Maybe because you're not a freaky wrong thing?" he suggested.

"Nah, impossible, the Doctor himself called me wrong, and this is my entire fault anyway."

"Oh and just how did you figure that one out?" but Jack merely shook his head and stayed silent, "Why did you cheat on Ianto?"

"There was a guard on the Valiant, Blake Anderson, he found me after I had come back here, somehow the CCTV on the Valiant hadn't been erased when the paradox reversed and he had kept it all. Told me to take my punishment quietly or he'd kill the team and their families and show the world the CCTV."

"Jack, that isn't cheating, that's blackmail! And I bet tea boy didn't give you much of a chance to say your side of the story."

Another shrug, "Come with me this afternoon if you want, to Blake's house, he'll show you how wrong I am."

"You're not going anywhere, you're sick," he saw panic start to bloom in the elder's eyes, "I'll go round, tell him what's going on and he'll let you off just for today. Now time for you to get some sleep, you need it."

"I can't, the nightmares… tried some of your pills but they didn't work."

"We'll find a way," Owen said, pulling the duvet over the immortal who was almost asleep already, "you're not alone anymore Jack."


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mild gwen bashing

Owen headed past the two women working hard at their desks up to the kitchen where Ianto was currently trying to clear out the gunked up coffee grinder with a McDonalds' bag in one hand and a plastic shopping bag with a can of soup and a packet of custard creams in the other, "Hey, Owen, what's in the bags?" Gwen asked in her annoyingly cheerful voice.

"None of your fucking business!" he called back in response.

"Well, there's no need to be rude!" she replied, "It's for Jack isn't it? Why are you even trying Owen? He's a bastard cheat, remember what Ianto told us?"

"Fucking keep your nose out Cooper, as a former cop you should know that there's two sides to every story and you haven't even asked Jack for his!" and with that, he stalked away.

Ianto had noticed the little row between his colleagues but hadn't quite heard what it was about so had stayed silent and continued with his work on the coffee machine, "Oi, tea boy, heat this shit up for me will ya?" that got him a look and a patented eye roll but he obligingly took the bag and started to search the cupboards for a can opener, "Ta." The medic grunted minutes later when Ianto presented him with a full thermos (he couldn't find any bowls for some strange reason).

Owen sauntered away up to Jack's office and slid down the ladder, although this time he entered he actually took the time to properly look at the small set of rooms. The place was quite barren really; a ceiling that was just high enough to allow Jack to stand up, a tiny camp bed with an uncomfortable mattress and the duvet Ianto had brought the immortal man for Christmas; a wardrobe which he knew held the elder's shirts, trousers and boots and a set of wooden drawers that served as a bedside table with a reading lamp on top. No photo frames, personal affects, just a cell. Blimey, Jack had spent his time as a prisoner in this place for the most of it? No wonder he seemed half-mad! The bathroom was entered through a door beside the set of drawers; it was tiny, just managing to squeeze in a toilet, shower and sink with a mirror over it set into the door of a cupboard.

Owen shook his head, feeling pity enter his heart and hurriedly banishing it away as quickly as it came. Torchwood really was a prison, and Jack wasn't even an alien! Madness, the doctor placed his packages down on the drawers and turned to Jack who was sleeping restlessly on the bed, frowning when he realised that his fever had gone up, "Oi, wake up ya lazy dick head!" the former con man blinked sleepily before pushing himself upright, holding on tightly to his coat all the while.

"I'm not hungry." He deadpanned as soon as he smelled the food.

"Liar," Owen retaliated, "and be grateful, I brought you some custard creams didn't I?"

"They're Ianto's favourite biscuits." Jack said, downtrodden.

"Oh, Jesus Christ on a crutch," the medic sighed, exasperated, he really did not like this love smush crap, "look, just eat the damn soup instead then."

"Ianto makes great soup." came the sad reply.

Owen felt slightly guilty at what he was about to resort to next but carried on anyway, "Look Jack, I'm going to talk to tea boy at lunch time and try to tell him your side of the story. And suppose I succeed, and he comes down here to reconcile things with you, do you really think that he would be attracted to you if you're all skeletal?"

The elder's eyes widened and he glanced at the food with a weird expression, chewing on his lip, "Do you really think that he'll want an abomination back in his bed Owen?"

Now it was his turn for his eyes to widen, "The fuck Harkness?! Was that something that the Doctor said as well?!"

"No, that was just a lot of the many people that I met on the Valiant, so tell me Owen, how can so many people be wrong?"

"That's what happened when they all thought that the measles jab was dangerous," he pointed out, "they got fed false information."

"Mmmm,"

Owen could see that Jack was starting to crumbled and pressed onwards, "So, you eat your food and I'll go and tell tea boy to stop being such a twat, deal?" Jack gave a very reluctant nod, "I'll see you later then."

~0~

Owen sat at the booth in the pub and sipped at his pint of lager as he waited for Ianto to text him that he was outside, for some reason the Welshman refused to come inside the actual pub, so he was using the opportunity to have some Dutch courage before all the rowing started up. He waited for a few more minutes, observing the people around him living safe, normal lives. Well, not safe, they could drop down dead of heart problems any second or get run down by a car or whatever, but still safer doing their daily jobs than he and the rest of the torchwood team were.

A woman was sitting by herself, practically checking the time every other minute, probably hoping that another bloke wouldn't stand her up again. Some rowdy teenagers who were only on their second pints of the day, clearly one of them had just turned 18 and they were starting early. A middle-aged couple were chatting quietly in another booth, they having ventured out in the hopes of a nice romantic meal and instead finding this. Sometimes, Owen wished that he could just go back to how life had been before torchwood, no aliens or anorexic immortal bosses or weird Welsh tea boys and hot Japanese women, just normal. He'd have to make sure that he got himself a lifetime's supply of Ianto's coffee first though, no way was he ever going to give that up- it was even better than alcohol.

Just then, his phone beeped and one quick glance down told him that it was Ianto, the medic drowned the last of his pint then stood and left, heading for the alley behind the pub, he didn't want anyone calling the cops if things got messy.

"What did you call me here for Owen?" the younger demanded, "I have better things to do with my time then talk to you in a piss-smelling back alley covered with vomit."

Owen glanced around; ok, so the alley did stink of piss and shit and mostly covered in puke, he was also fairly sure that a gang of rats had just ran from behind some overflowing bins actually but that wasn't the point, "Look tea boy," he sighed, "it's Jack."

"I don't want anything to do with that bastard!" Ianto snapped, "I told you Owen, I hate him, if I ever lay eyes on him again then it will be a day too soon!"

"But Ianto," he protested, "Jack had a good reason to-"

"There is never a good fucking reason Owen! And if all you have come here to do is to try and get me to take him back then you've wasted both of our time; tell Jack to go fuck himself." And the Welshman stormed off out of the alleyway, leaving a defeated Owen in his wake.

~0~

Owen entered the hub in a foul mood but as he approached Tosh's work station, he tried his best to simmer down, just a bit, he needed her help right now and having her onside would make it much easier for him in the long run, "Tosh," he drawled, in the nicest voice that he was able to manage at that point in time, "can you do me a tiny favour?"

"What is it?" she asked suspiciously, the last time that she had agreed to help Owen out she had ended up having to retcon a prostitute.

"Well, I need you to do a search on somebody and find out their address."

"What's the person's name?" she asked, swivelling in her chair back to her computer.

"Some geezer called Blake Anderson, used to be involved in the government or a guard on an airship or some similar shit."

She nodded absentmindedly, fingers clicking elegantly away on her keyboard, "What sort of case is he involved in then?" the techie asked calmly as her computer ran about five different searches at once.

"Um, not a case, as such, it's just more of a research sort of thing ya know?"

"No, I don't," she replied, "and how is… everything, with Jack?"

"It's good, we're talking, he's eating; I found out some stuff, lot of swearing and arguing, the usual."

"But it is good now, yeah?"

"It will be, also can you sort something out for the next few weeks? I and Jack are going on a trip."

At that slightly-louder-than-average comment, Gwen's ears perked up and she decided to stick her two cents in, "Honestly Owen, I have absolutely no idea why you're worrying about Jack, it isn't as though anything is wrong with him- immortal remember?"

Tosh clenched her fist under the desk, wanting to scream at the Welshwoman that just because Jack couldn't stay dead it didn't make him invulnerable, didn't make him less worthy of a worried and friendly query of just three words and less than two seconds of someone's life. Owen just resisted the urge to glare at his colleague until she ran away screaming and so just ignored her.

"She can't have been a very good cop if she can't even notice such an obvious thing like this," he whispered in Tosh's ear, "bet she would see a dead body and would walk right over it!"

The young Japanese woman said nothing but a small smile made her lips twitch upwards, "Where are you taking him?"

"Don't know yet, probably the countryside, no sound of nay engines or industrialisation round there, just a load of sheep."

"Not the Brecon Beacons, it'll remind him of Ianto- I saw the CCTV, he won that argument."

"I know." Owen replied, snatching up the address on his way to the office.

~0~

"What did you do now?" Owen sighed as he spied Jack crumpled on the floor, heaving into the bucket.

"I ate some of it," Jack mumbled, "and ended up puking it right back up again, tried to eat the rest of it, just made it worse; thought that you would be upstairs with Ianto so I tried to come and find you."

Owen glanced over at the remains of the food he had left and grimaced, he should have remembered that the immortal's body would react badly to such strong food after months after what was practically starvation, "Yeah, next time I'll only get you some soup."

"Next time," Jack responded, "there isn't going to be a next time Owen, Ianto doesn't want me and I don't deserve him."

"You know how bloody annoying you are Harkness?"

"Sorry." The former time agent mumbled eyes downcast. Owen rolled his eyes at the predicted self-deprecating comment.

"Budge up," he ordered the elder, sitting down next to him on the cold floor and throwing an arm around the bony shoulders, feeling the shaking there, "how was your sleep earlier?"

A shudder, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Bad dreams?"

"Memories,"

"Of the Master?"

"All sorts of things, it's mostly why I don't sleep."

"Mmmm, you're freezing." Owen wondered whether he should pull Jack back onto the bed or just pull the duvet down with them on the floor.

Just then, Jack let out a whimper and grasped for the bucket and Owen provided as much comfort as he was able to, rubbing gentle circles on his back; shocked at the tears slipping down the elder's face, never once had he seen Jack cry and that scared him a lot more than he'd like to admit.

"What time is it?" Jack asked through heaves that were already bone-dry in the first place.

"Half one, why?"

"Have to be at Blake's house for three, or he'll get angry and hurt Ianto."

"I have his address; I'll go round and explain it all to him, what you need to do right now is sleep."

"Can't, Blake doesn't even give me half of what freaky wrong things like myself deserve, freaky wrong things deserve pain and sadness, not a normal life." He sounded as though he was reciting it from a book and Owen's heart panged just a little.

"I'll make him be nice to Ianto," he promised, "now, you just focus on getting well again and Ianto will soon realise just how much he loves you, deal?"

"Deal." Jack nodded.


	13. Chapter 13

For the fourth time, Owen checked the address of the house against the one on the paper, trying to summon enough courage to ring the bell. A glance at his watched informed him that he only had three minutes left until Blake himself came out, wondering where Jack was. He bit his lip then stepped forward and pushed the button, "Blake Anderson?" he asked and as soon as he had received a nod in conformation, he swung his fist out into the elder's face and felt a sense of grim satisfaction as he dropped to the floor, dazed.

The medic dragged him back inside and shut the door- making sure to lock it in case the former guard tried anything. A groan erupted from the man on the floor and Owen surmised that he would be back to normal soon so retrieved the pair of handcuffs he had brought along and secured him to the radiator (very glad that Jack wasn't here, he knew exactly what sort of comment he would make). A few more minutes later and Blake glanced up with a black eye and saw Owen sitting calmly on the sofa, feet on the coffee table sipping from a bottle of beer, "Who the fuck are you?!" Blake snarled, lunging forward but was jerked backwards by the handcuffs holding him to the radiator.

"Oh, did I forget to mention that?" Owen asked the picture of innocence, "Doctor Owen Harper, torchwood medic."

The elder froze stock still, realisation hitting him hard, "Torchwood?" he repeated, then his expression turned calmer, "I'm guessing the freak had opened his big mouth then?"

As soon as the 'f' word left his mouth, the doctor was off the sofa and advancing on him and he shrunk back ever so slightly, "Don't you ever call Jack a freak ever again. In fact, if you even speak about him to anybody then rest assured you'll pay the price."

"Oh yeah? And just what exactly are you going to do, midget?" If Owen had been a better man he would have easily ignored the remark about his height but he wasn't and so punched Blake for the second time that day, "Bastard." Blake snarled and Owen saw red and kicked him in the stomach, then suddenly his boots were flying as were his fists and blood was spurting everywhere. Something cracked and Owen had to remind himself not to kill the bastard- if he died then he wouldn't suffer for all the misery he had caused Jack after all. Feeling a sense of disappointment, he continued to kick and punch; decided that it wasn't below him to spit and promptly did so, glad that Blake flinched and wasn't able to wipe the offending mess away.

On and on and on it went, Owen hadn't realised that he had so much anger bottled up inside him. The medic wondered just why he was so angry, was it that Ianto was a prick? Nah, he didn't even know how old tea boy was, let alone like him. The fact that he had made Jack so sad just served to strengthen that dislike. Jack that was the reason that he was so angry, someone could actually be that horrible and evil and make someone as strong as Jack so weak. Owen remembered the defeated look on a face that was so thin that in the darkness of the bunker it was like a skull and the thin, emaciated that seemed like the slightest gust of wind would snap it in two.

Rage that he hadn't felt in such strength since Katie had died bubbled up and he lashed out, striking every inch of skin he saw; aiming especially for Blake's groin, wanting to make sure that the bastard could never inflict on anyone else the same pain that he had on Jack, "You're a repulsive little shit," he spat at Blake, but the man was long past hearing- Owen's assault having rendered him unconscious a while before, "You're going to rot in hell, ya know?"

This was no good; if Blake was awake he would feel this pain. Ooh that was an idea… Owen walked away to find a hosepipe.

~0~

Blake woke up to an uncomfortable feeling of cold water and pain. One eye wouldn't seem to open no matter how hard he tried and he was fairly sure that a couple of his fingers were broken. "Oi, ya fucking cunt, wake up." A voice snapped, sending his head pounding and he almost moaned but held his tongue. Of course, it was all coming back to him now. Someone had turned up at his door just before the freak was due to arrive and punched him in the face. He had fuzzy memories of being shoved back inside then dragged along and cuffed to the radiator before everything had gone black for a few moments; then suddenly the guy who said he was called Owen was sitting on his sofa with a beer in hand then… well, Blake couldn't really remember what had happened but he was guessing that Harper had assaulted him.

The former UNIT guard blinked and suddenly Owen was staring right in his face, "I've seen the CCTV cameras in this house, you worthless piece of shite, where do you keep the recordings of you and Jack?!"

"Like I'm going to tell you!" Owen sighed, as though he was speaking to a difficult child and grabbed the hand that wasn't cuffed to the radiator and twisted it tighter and tighter behind his back, "Ow! Ok, ok, upstairs, first door on the left, there's a loose floorboard under the rug, the tapes and all the copies I made are in there, must be hundreds of them."

"You bastard." Owen told him, knocking him unconscious again and heading off up the stairs.

Owen took the opportunity to explore the house more and was very nearly sick several times. The room in which the tapes were kept was empty but a room down the hall was stuffed with all manner of torturing equipment: knives, blades, whips, thumb screws, chains; wires for electrocuting some poor sod with, stones, lighters and God only knew what else. A chest lay unlocked, stuffed with tape upon tape of CCTV footage from the Valiant, the most favourite of the collection separated from the rest and labelled. Owen shook his head, thankful in a weird way that he had brought along the SUV so that he didn't have to lug all of them back to the hub. He dragged the chest out onto the landing then went into the room that Blake had told him of and pulled up the floorboard. The oldest recordings were at the bottom and when Owen found the earliest one he was horrified to discover that Jack had been suffering under this guy from just under a week since he had come back from the year that never was.

The grouchy medic started to lug all the tapes from the Valiant and the original copies of the 'sessions' in Blake's house out to the SUV, leaving one set of copies for evidence for whoever it was that he decided to call to deal with the scumbag. Owen wondered just how Jack had been able to hide it from everyone for so long- the immortal had told him that he had had to because otherwise Blake would have killed Ianto and the rest of the torchwood team, Owen didn't really believe that though. Blake wouldn't have been able to hack into Cardiff's CCTV cameras to track Jack all the way back to wherever it was that Ianto lived, would he? And with all the times that it rained in Cardiff, putting a tracking device on Jack's coat wouldn't work and he had never taken the SUV to Blake's house. All of this led to the conclusion that, in fact, Blake had never really been any threat to Ianto whatsoever. The only thing Blake would ever have been able to do was post the stuff from the Valiant to the world via the internet and he wasn't stupid enough to think that UNIT wouldn't pick upon that.

Owen swore, Jack had been through hell and it was all for nothing! Owen finished loading all the tapes into the SUV then pulled out his phone and made a call.

~0~

A knock on the door alerted Owen to the arrival of Brigadier Alistair Gordan Lethbridge-Stewart. He opened the door and let the elder man inside before showing him into the room where Blake lay unconscious and handcuffed to the radiator, "You torchwood people really do act first and ask questions later." He remarked.

"On the contrary, I asked a lot of questions and the answers that I got provided me with more than enough evidence to kill the bastard!"

"And what provoked this then?"

"Jack, he was involved in all that shit with the valiant only for him it was a whole year. A year spent being tortured and raped and mind raped and God knows what else. Then this scumbag," Owen paused to give Blake a kick in the ribs in order to emphasise his point, "blackmailed him into having a relationship and basically carried on doing what Saxon did. Jack eventually told Ianto a couple of days ago that he was cheating on him and they broke up. Then I went down to his bunker and found him getting sick and eventually he told me everything but tea boy is being a prick and won't listen."

"Did Jack tell you that he collapsed just a month or so ago?"

"Huh?"

The Brigadier sighed, he though not, "About a month or so ago, I discovered your captain collapsed in an alleyway near to my aunt's house; he appeared to be sick and delusional so I contacted Ianto Jones and he came and took him back to what I presumed at the time was his house. Since then, I've been doing my own investigation on the side but haven't been able to conjure up much about what's going on."

Owen felt a grudging respect to the former soldier, not only was he one of the few people in UNIT to earn Jack's trust, but he was also the nicest member the medic had ever encountered, "He made copies of all the times Jack came over here, he made copies of them all- I took one set. There was CCTV from the Valiant but I took all of that, they can't prosecute anyone for that because it never happened and they can just say that they did all that stuff because the Master would have killed them."

"And I'm guessing that this is the reason you called me, to collect this man and turn him into UNIT?"

"You're about the most reliable UNIT member, also there's loads of torture stuff in this place and I think sometimes he got his mates round for gang rape."

The Brigadier arched one eyebrow, "And just what am I meant to say to them about all his injuries? It'll be quite clear that I couldn't have done it."

"Bar fight, fight; an altercation with Jack because he injected him with a hallucinogen by mistake, take your pick," Owen shrugged, "it was all I could do to stop myself from finishing him off permanently."

"Understandable," Alistair conceded, "I'll take him back to the UNIT H.Q. in London, they'll deal with him- the evidence is rather overwhelming after all."

"Thank you." said Owen sincerely.

"Not a problem. What are you going to do with your captain now?"

Another shrug, "Dunno, I got me and him signed off for a few weeks, thought about taking him to the countryside. If Ianto can't stop being such a self-centred dick to listen to the truth then he can sod it."

"I should think that Jack is very lucky to have you."

"Yeah, well," the medic muttered, embarrassed, "we're like a sort of family; we're just about all he's got."

"Quite," the elder remarked, "now, I'll have to go if I want to reach London at a suitable time, if you could assist me in getting this man into the car?"

Owen nodded and dragged Blake up, glad to see the back of him as the Brigadier drove away.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gwen bashing, swearing, also what do you all think of a torchwood, Jeremy kyle crossover?

Tosh came back from collecting some space junk to discover Jack and Gwen in the middle of a blazing argument with Ianto probably having sought refuge down in the archives. Well, she called it an argument; it was more like Jack just standing there listening to the Welshwoman shout. Normally, the techie would have just left them to it but today she creeped closer, making sure to stay out of Gwen's sight, listening to everything she threw at their immortal captain.

"Do you know how much of a bastard you are Jack?! How could you do that to Ianto after everything?! He was heartbroken when you left him, absolutely in bits and you're cheating on him! And I find you crying and feeling all sorry for yourself! Explain that Jack Harkness!"

Tosh couldn't take it anymore, how could Gwen not see what was wrong with Jack?! He was even thinner than he had been the last time that she had seen him, eyes dull with circles so dark they were almost black; and sickly pallor almost grey with fatigue, "Gwen! Leave him alone!"

"How can you defend him after what he's done Tosh?!" her colleague almost shrieked. Tosh was seriously about to slap Gwen round the face when she saw that somehow Jack had been able to go even more pale and was swaying slightly do she dragged her colleague out of the office for which Jack shot her and grateful look and then promptly disappeared down into his bunker. She caught a glimpse of his emaciated body and wondered how Gwen could be so oblivious, the techie dragged her down to the main part of the hub before starting on her, "What the hell is wrong with you Gwen?!" she demanded angrily.

The Welshwoman took an unconscious step back, never had she seen her friend so angry before but she quickly regained her composure and went into full attack mode, "Me?! Honestly Tosh, how can you even stand to be near him after what he did to Ianto?!"

"And there are two sides to every story Gwen! You used to be a policewoman, you should know that! And you shouldn't have even treated him like that, can't you see the state he's in?!"

"The state I can see that bastard in is one of selfishness and self-pity!"

"I'm talking about his physical state Gwen!"

The Welshwoman was aghast, "Tosh, what in the Lord's name are you talking about? He looked perfectly fine to me!"

The sound of a slap echoed harshly round the hub and Gwen stumbled back, one cheek bright red, "Are you damn well blind Gwen Cooper?!" Tosh shouted, incandescent with rage, "Jack has been sick and getting sicker and sicker ever since he came back and for someone who is so infatuated with him, you sure insist the opposite whenever he gets painted as the bad guy!"

"How dare you Tosh, as your superior, I demand respect!"

"You're nothing more than a spiteful little teenage girl! And when did you start thinking you're my superior? For one, we're all equals on this team, and two, I have much more experience and security clearance than you!"

Before Gwen could retaliate, the cog door rolled open and Owen walked in.

~0~

Owen entered the hub and was immediately torn between laughing and shouting at the scene in front of him. Tosh and Gwen stood in a standoff, Gwen clearly having just been slapped under the embarrassed flush spreading across her face, "I can't leave you alone for five minutes can I?" he grinned.

Tosh shot him a look that said 'shut up and listen if you want to keep your manhood', "It's good timing Owen," she grated out, "Gwen here dragged Jack out, up into the office and promptly tried to burst his eardrums and then started to give me a lecture on just how she is my superior."

"Is Jack ok?" he asked worriedly, really, the immortal should have been under intensive care in a hospital but he wasn't stupid enough to suggest that.

"Oh for goodness sakes," Gwen exploded, "Jack is perfectly fine! You're all making one big fuss over him for nothing! Or am I the only one smart enough to see that?"

Tosh snarled and moved forward to slap her again but own got their first and Gwen quickly found herself pinned to the wall, "Now, you listen to me, PC Cooper," he warned dangerously, "if you can't see how sick Jack is then you really must be blind or just plain stupid. And I suggest that if you want to survive the next year, you change your attitude. Tea boy is being a prick at the moment but Jack didn't cheat on him; he was blackmailed into a relationship where he was raped and tortured and the same goes for when he was away. If all of us weren't such arseholes we would have noticed and done something sooner. Now, when I come back to work in a few weeks, and if it gets back to me that you haven't been on your best behaviour, I'll retcon you- with or without Jack's permission, understand?" she nodded and he released her and she almost ran away up to the kitchen.

Owen turned back to see Tosh staring at him with wide eyes, "Is it all true," she asked slowly, "was Jack actually getting blackmailed into cheating on Ianto?" he nodded and a film of tears covered her eyes, "We all thought he was such a bastard…" Tosh choked out eventually, the enormity of the situation settling in, "He was trying to protect Ianto wasn't he?"

"All of us and all of our families," Owen explained gently, "but Blake lied; he couldn't have done it really. He's being dealt with now, I called someone from UNIT, and the scumbag will never hurt anyone again."

"Oh my God," Tosh said, even closer to tears.

Owen pulled her into a hug, "There are tapes in the SUV, can you unload them whilst I go and talk to Jack? We're leaving soon; I packed my bags on the way back here."

She nodded and left for the garage, wiping her eyes as she went.

~0~

Owen slid down the ladder to the bunker under Jack's office to find him sitting against the wall, pale and shaking, "What did that bitch do?!" he demanded angrily, then paused mid rant, "Jack?" he asked approaching the immortal who had shrunk back in fear at the medic's anger.

"Ianto hates me, Ianto hates me, I'm wrong." Jack mumbled.

"No you're not, idiot, you're just different is all."

"'S not easy even just looking at you Jack, 'cuz you're wrong."

It dawned on Owen that Jack was quoting the Doctor and immediately wished that the time lord was there so that he could punch him, hard, "Jack? Come on mate, come back." A few more minutes of gentle coaching and Jack was huddled in his great coat on the bed, watching Owen chuck his things haphazardly into a duffel bag, "I spoke to the Brigadier, why didn't you tell me that you collapsed?"

"Didn't seem important, Ianto looked after me, Blake injected me with some poison thing," Jack's blue orbs met his, "he won't let me go. I don't deserve to go, I'm wrong."

And suddenly all Owen could see was a frightened little boy; he was reminded of medical school and being taught about 'beaten down woman syndrome'. The example most used was the concentration camps of world war two and some of the Jews had been through so much that if the door was open they wouldn't escape, "Jack," he started, "Ianto was never at risk, Blake lied to you."

"But… he said…" the former time agent trailed off, trying to understand what he had just been told.

The medic watched as his expression changed from confused to fearful then to something unreadable and attempted to take his mind off it, "This is where we're going to be staying for the next few weeks." He said, throwing a travel guide down on the bed next to him.

"A cottage? But, Owen, you hate the countryside."

Owen rolled his eyes, "You really have to start putting yourself first, ya know?"

"Sorry," came the sullen response. A pause, then, "what did you do to Blake?"

Owen thought it was quite a strange questioned but answered it anyhow, "Assaulted him then took his CCTV footage and handed him over to UNIT"

"You have the tapes of what happened on the Valiant?!" the medic nodded, unnerved by the clarity that had suddenly entered Jack's eyes that was soon replaced by panic, "No-one can see them," he mumbled, "they can't, Owen, they'll see everything' see how wrong and dirty and disgusting I am, Owen…"

"Calm down!" Owen shouted, gripping hold of his shoulders and shaking him slightly.

"Owen… my head hurts, please, Owen, make it stop, make it stop hurting." Jack whimpered painfully.

"Sshh." He soothed, pulling the elder into a hug.

"Owen, make it stop, please."

"I can't, as much as I want to, Jack, I can't."

"Ianto hates me," the immortal sobbed despondently, the grouchy medic gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze before continuing to pack.

~0~

Half an hour later and Owen had called Gwen and Tosh into the conference room, Jack had already disappeared down to the garage and Ianto had gone home early, "What do you want now Owen?" Gwen sighed. Tosh merely stared resolutely at the table top, she had seen some of the labels written on the tapes by Blake and was wondering how she would react to the actual recordings.

"Shut ya mouth Gwen!" he snapped, "Now, me and Jack are going to be away for a few weeks and for that time we've both agreed that Ianto will take charge of torchwood until we get back."

"Hold on!" came the voice of the irate Welshwoman, "I'm Jack's second in command! Why is Ianto getting put in charge, he's in no fit state after what Jack did to him, poor dear."

Tosh let out a snort of disbelief and left the room, shaking her head, "Ianto kept us afloat and sorted out your messes when Jack left before, and where did you get the stupid idea that you were second in command?!" Owen asked her.

"I was hired to replace Suzie and she was second in command, duh."

"No Gwen, you're not second in command. If anyone is, it should be Tosh; she's worked here the longest after all. And just because Ianto worked in London before coming here doesn't mean that he has got the same status as you- quite the opposite in fact."

"But-"she started before Owen cut her off.

"No! Jesus Christ, Gwen, you haven't even noticed how sick Jack is!"

"Will you quit this already, he is perfectly fine!" she yelled back at him

"YES HE IS!" Owen exploded, "An average male weighs about 10 stone Gwen, Jack must weigh six, maximum! These past few days he has been feverish, dizzy, nauseous and vomiting; or did you fail to notice the smell of puke when you dragged him out to bollock him?! He said that he cheated on Ianto but what Ianto doesn't know is that in fact, Jack has been being blackmailed into having a relationship with a guy because otherwise he threatened to kill the entire team and all of our families! He's been raped, tortured, had his mind raped by an alien repeatedly, the list goes on! You don't believe me? I brought back hundreds of tapes in the SUV, go and watch a couple, they might shock you out of whatever stupid fucking fantasy world you're currently living in!"

"But he's immortal." She said, confused.

"Dying still hurts Gwen! Ianto told me once that after some deaths, Jack's in pain for days after but he hides it, just so that he can keep up a sense of normality for selfish bitches like you! We four are the biggest fuck holes in Cardiff for not noticing something was wrong sooner. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off. Hopefully I won't be seeing you in a few weeks." Owen stalked off as Gwen stared after him in shock.

By the time the medic had reached Tosh's workstation, he had calmed down considerably and pulled the techie into a tight hug, "I'll try to get Ianto to understand." She mumbled into his shoulder.

"If Gwen annoys you just reintroduce het to Janet." He smirked.

"See you soon."

"Yeah." Then he left for the garage without looking back.


	15. Chapter 15

Tosh stared at her hands folded in her lap as her mind worked overtime to try and make sense of the thoughts that were whizzing through her head. A slim hand placed a mug of coffee down onto the desk in front of her and she took it, casting a grateful look up at Ianto who smiled wanly back then moved on to where Gwen sat at her desk, pretending to work whilst actually looking up designer shoes on eBay. An hour later and both the welsh people had left for lunch, leaving the techie by herself. With a sigh, she randomly grasped a tape from the pile by her desk and read the label, 'The freak and the millstone' read the large bold print; in smaller writing underneath, 'repetition has never been so brilliant!' Tosh had a feeling that she knew precisely what the label meant but hastily shook away the sick feeling in her stomach. After all, Owen had said that Jack would get better quicker if he had Ianto alongside to support him. Tosh looked from the tape to the VCR (why couldn't that have it on DVD's, this was the age of technology after all!) and played it.

~0~

The master watched with a disdainful expression on his face and his lips curled in to a sneer as Jack came back to life with a painful gasp and jerked around in the chains that held him force fully to the hot metal walls around him.

"Got bored of being the Doctor's personal chauffeur then?" the immortal captain asked him with a smirk and fancied that one of the soldiers guarding the door grinned a little at that too.

"Oh just you wait freak." The time lord sneered, before plunging a knife straight through his heart.

When Jack revived he found himself no longer in the boiler room, he tried to look around to see where he was now but discovered that he couldn't move his head more than half of an inch in any direction so settled for listening for the Master to come back, or one of the guards, being without company felt weird and daunting funnily enough.

Just when he thought he was going to be isolated and immobile for ever the Master came in and had a grin on his face that jack had learnt long ago meant a lot of pain although not necessarily dying and if he did lose his life at all it would be an incredibly slow experience.

"Do you know where you are freak?" he demanded, sounding almost like a child on Christmas day begging his parents for his gifts.

"In your very over bearing presence?" he drawled with an eye roll.

"Oh very good, you're learning your place at last! Now, to use an extremely old phase, this won't hurt a bit."

There was a sound of crunching gears and stone scraping against metal before pain exploded behind his eyes and he knew nothing except the blackness that descended over him.

Reviving this time around was an incredibly painful process and when his body had healed itself he wondered how exactly he had died and then his ears were ringing from a round of applause coming out of now here. "Oh bravo freak that was brilliant! I wonder what it will be like if I did that again but slower, let's find out! Oh, and freak, look up."

He did and almost screamed at what he saw. It was a heavy stone cylinder 3 metres tall and 2 metres wide, he looked down and saw he was trapped between two halves of stone with an opening at the top for his head, he spotted a pulley system attached to the stone and felt bile rise up in his throat as he realised what had happened. His head had been crushed by the stone. He would have puked if he had anything in his stomach to regurgitate.

The stone started to lower again but this time he could see it as it inched slowly down towards him and wondered if he bit his tongue out whether he would die of blood loss before the stone could crush his skull.

The next time he looked up the stone was a mere 5 inches away and steadily coming lower and lower. The rough granite grazed his head and gradually began to push him further and further down, his jaw collided with the stone he was trapped in and smacked back with a resounding crunch and the stone pressed down harder and harder, soon his skull would crack and then it would start to crush his brains while he was still alive until his entire head resembled nothing more than a sticky gooey pile of skin and dust.

He felt his skull crack and prayed he's lose conscious soon, luckily he did.

The stone descended lower and lower, when it rose up again it looked to the entire world as if his head had exploded.

The Master watched in fascination as the bones began to reform from the dust and the brains solidified until Jack was recognisable again.

He revived with a painful groan instead of his usual gasp.

Then the Master did it all over again.

~0~

Tosh let out a wretched sob and fell back, glad that she hadn't eaten for a while as there wasn't a bin nearby that she would be able to throw up into. She buried her head in her hands and started to cry silently. Jesus Christ, she had been told by Owen that in fact Jack had been away for a year- time travel, it's complicated- and that during that time he had been tortured, raped, gang raped, mind raped and abused; then a guard who had been on the Valiant had blackmailed Jack into having a relationship with him, but she could never have imagined that it would have been as bad as this.

Oh, God, to think that somebody could be cruel and evil enough to take that immortality and use it against him like that, she wasn't even sure that she wanted to even read any more of the labels. Hadn't Owen also said that jack thought that he didn't deserve as much food as normal people? Jesus Christ in hell, the rift alarm suddenly blared out and the young Japanese woman hastily wiped her eyes and made her way over the the computer, Ianto and Gwen would need directions. She switched her comm on and tried to keep her voice steady.

~0~

That night, Tosh volunteered for the night shift- now Jack wasn't there one of them would have to stay overnight. Really, she just wanted to watch more of the tapes. This time, however, she decided to choose a recording that was taped after the 17th day into the year that never was. She had discovered that this was the day when Ianto- the last member of torchwood- had died, when she read a label written by Blake, 'day 17 of the year that never was, watch the freak crack as the stupid Taff kicks the bucket!'.

Tosh randomly picked up a tape from the ones that she had separated as labelled and shoved one into the player then paused, finger millimetres away from the play button. Did she really want to watch this? Much as she wanted to get Ianto and Jack back together, could she really watch these and just carry on normally? No, every time she would look at Jack then she would forever be reminded of him, vulnerable and weak, and yet, she had to. After everything that Jack had ever done for her, she could do this for him. And she had enough nightmares already of the UNIT cell; did a few more really matter? Not really, Tosh pressed the button.

~0~

There was no natural light down in the boiler room of the Valiant. The dim amount of light there was came from the scant cheap bulbs in the ceiling which were mostly on the blink anyway and the red blinking of the clock set in the wall next to the door. Jack had currently been on the airship for 31 days and so far he had died 217 times in those 31 days which averaged out at 7 deaths per day. Or so the Master said, he wasn't exactly what Jack would call a 'man of his word'.

Ianto was dead, his beautiful, smart, witty, perfect Ianto had been tortured by the guards, the Master having given them free reign and his only instructions to be to make sure he didn't escape and he'd be the one to finally kill him. The Welshman had lasted four days before finally cracking and begged to die; the Master had taken another two days before he finally honoured that wish. Jack really hated that bastard. He didn't care if it would make the Doctor the only time lord left in existence, if he ever got his hands on him he would do exactly the same to him as he had done to his poor Ianto.

The guards stationed at the door straightened slightly and Jack realised that the Master was coming down to play with his favourite toy. The insane Gallifreyan sauntered in wearing a new suit and dragging Lucy along behind him by the wrist. Poor girl, the immortal mused sadly, forced to watch as her husband tortured and raped people daily then have sex with him or he'd kill her too, or even worse, give her the same treatment as the freak in the basement. Jack met Lucy's gaze above the Master's head and she nodded slightly and mouthed a sincere, 'I'm sorry' to which he shook his head. If the Master was taking his anger out on him it meant that everyone else on this Goddamn place was safe. It meant that the Doctor was left pretty much alone to work at whatever plan he had come up with to save them all. He just hoped that the end would come soon, be it by dying permanently or Martha saving them or the Doctor saving them or one of the poor, hapless workers shooting the bastard's brains out, he was past caring.

A scream of pain and fear pulled him out from his hiding place inside of his thoughts and memories and he realised that it came from him. Jack blinked tears of sweat and blood from his eyes in an effort to see and discovered that the chains around his wrists had been tightened and his hands were slowly turning black from the circulation being cut off. At some point the Master had chained his ankles to the floor so he was pulled taunt like a sheet of cloth and was now carving something onto his back, ah, so he was a canvas again. A sharp jab of pain cut through him as Lucy's scream cut through the air and the world went black…

~0~

The techie really did regurgitate this time, she heaved over the waste paper bin and sobbed, tears streaming freely down her face. She eventually regained control of her body and sat back on the sofa, shaking like a leaf. Tosh reached down for her bag and pulled out her phone, indecisive about whether to call Ianto or not. She eventually decided on not calling him, she needed to get it sorted out in her Owen head first. Ianto would want proof and then he would go straight to where Jack and Owen were staying and possibly cause a massive road accident and then Jack would completely lose the will to live. Gwen was already out of the question, either she would go all sympathetic and go into an over-bearing thing, cooing over Jack down the phone or ask what the problem was as Jack was immortal and therefore 'invulnerable'.

There was no way that she was going to call Owen; his main priority was to get their captain better again, not comforting her because she couldn't deal with reality. She was going to have to tell Ianto though, soon.


	16. Chapter 16

11 days later= 

Ianto stared up at the cracked ceiling of his bedroom in his poky flat and couldn't get away from the faint smell of Jack that still lingered on the sheets. He had done the right thing, hadn't he? He had made it very clear to Jack at the start of their relationship that either they were both exclusive or else they weren't together and Jack had agreed to that. But had he done the right thing? Yes! A part of his mind screamed at him, but another part of him shouted no; yes, he had had the right to be pissed off, but he should have let Jack explain. But could he really have had a good explanation for betraying him like that? No, but you didn't see the look on his face; you didn't see him in tears when you said that you hated him.

The Welshman bit his lip, ok, so saying that he hated Jack had been a bit over the top, but he had been angry. But the question of why Jack had cheated on him still remained. Why would the immortal man do that to him? His head was starting to hurt from so much thinking so early and so he got up, changed into a suit- the only one which didn't seem to smell of Jack- and went into to kitchen to make a coffee.

Now that Owen was somewhere far away and not able to nag at him for occasionally indulging in something unhealthy, the Welshman opened the cupboard in search of biscuits and paused when he saw the packet, of custard creams. They were Jack's favourite sort of biscuits. Great, now he was acting like a fucking school boy who had just been dumped by text. Jesus, he wasn't that hung-over about the breakup. Yes, it hurt, but it was for the best. It was clear that Jack needed some help and Ianto clearly hadn't been the right person to give it to him. Ianto shook his head at his own foolishness and firmly shut the cupboard door.

~0~

The cog door rolled back and Ianto entered the hub precisely on time at eight and greeted Tosh with a friendly smile before going off to make two cups of coffee- they both knew that Gwen wasn't going to turn up for another hour at least. The techie watched him go with a small frown, today was the day that she was going to tell Ianto everything- really, a fortnight was ample time for him to cool off. She took a steadying breath and headed off after her colleague.

Ianto turned round and saw Tosh standing in the doorway to the kitchen with an expression akin to a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car, "How are you after… everything?" she asked timidly.

"It hurt, at first," he admitted, turning back to the coffee maker, "but now I realise that it was for the best."

"How was it?" she demanded.

He sighed but still didn't turn around and face her, "Think about it Tosh, he was clearly in need of help and I clearly wasn't the one to give it to him, best we part now before it gets too serious."

"Ianto, it already was serious! He loved you!"

"So much that he cheated on me?" the younger shot back.

"He didn't cheat on you!"

"Right, so what do you call sleeping with another person behind your partner's back for the duration of your relationship after you've promised to be exclusive?"

"It wasn't like that-"Tosh started but the younger cut her off.

"What was it like then Tosh?"

The rift alarm suddenly blared out and they both hurried back down to the main part of the hub, "Space junk," Tosh explained, "doesn't look all that big or heavy, appears to be pretty harmless- could be another of those Refad devices that came through last week."

"I'll go." The tea boy said but Tosh caught hold of his arm.

"He really didn't cheat on you Ianto."

"Prove it." Came the sad reply.

"I can."

"How?"

"CCTV footage, hundreds and hundreds of tapes," A flicker of hope came into pale blue eyes.

"Show me."

"But the space junk needs collecting."

He deflated, "Oh."

The techie gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder, "Afterwards, I can show you everything."

"Everything?"

"Really, everything," She gave him an encouraging grin which he half-heartedly returned before hurrying away to the garage.

The young Japanese woman realised that she had tided all the tapes up yesterday, in a disused weevil cell, with all those stairs, bugger.

~0~

Ianto watched as Gwen bid a cheery farewell and headed off to Rhys and then hurried over to Tosh's workstation where piles upon piles of tapes lay beside her, "Right, before I show anything, there's some things that you need to know first." She told him and he reluctantly went and sat beside her on the ratty old sofa, all ears, "When Jack was away, for us it was only two months but for him it was a year. Time travel, it's complicated, during that time, he was held a prisoner on the UNIT airship, the Valiant, by Saxon who was really a time lord called the Master in disguise. During that year, Jack was constantly raped, belittled, tortured; killed gang raped, mind raped and God knows what else by both the Master and the UNIT guards.

When time reset so nobody remembered but for those on the Valiant at the time, Jack was brought home by the Doctor; then a guard who had been on the Valiant blackmailed Jack into having a relationship with him and basically carried on where the Master left off. Jack agreed because the guard, Blake Anderson, threatened to kill the rest of the team and our families then put the CCTV footage from the year that never was onto the internet. Only Owen found out that we were never in danger and Jack had gone through all of that for nothing. He told you that he was cheating on you then went into seclusion in his bunker until I forced Owen to go down and take care of him then they both ended up leaving."

Ianto shook his head, getting up and starting to pace around, "Prove it," he said suddenly, "Show me that you're not lying; show me."

"Ok." And she pressed the play button.

~0~

Ianto watched in fascinated horror as the screen played a grainy video. First it showed a limp figure hanging from chains secured to the ceiling that was quite clearly Jack and quite clearly dead. A few moments after he revived a guard in UNIT uniform released him and dragged him out of the boiler room and into the hallway beyond where a dozen more guards and former Prime Minister Harold Saxon waited with hungry looks on their faces. Jack looked up and regarded them all with a blank expression, his eyes dull and sad as the guard placed him on the floor as gently as he could with Saxon watching him like a hawk. Jack let out a sigh of resignation and looked up and flicked his eyes from one person to the next. Saxon grinned insanely and said something that the camera wasn't able to pick up before plunging a knife through the immortal man's heart and laughed as crimson blood flowed over his fingers like a river.

The Welshman blinked as the tape flickered then skipped a few more minutes before arriving at the point just before Jack came back to life; now, the captain was stripped and handcuffed and the time lord nodded to a guard who quite happily proceeded to rip off his trousers and fuck the immortal brutally into the floor. All the while, the former time agent remained numb and unresponsive, neither pulling away from nor turning any of the kisses that he received. The recording stuttered onto several more guards raping Jack before it came to the Master's turn, the longest and most brutal yet, it seemed.

Finally, the megalomaniac leader seemed to tire of the game and killed Jack again, before the guard came back and took him back to the boiler room and strung him back up in chains. Jack revived and the Master came in and said something that seemed suspiciously similar to 'freak' and 'wrong' before starting to skin him, starting at his torso and making his way down to his feet- suspiciously good at it. Several screams of pain later and the tape cut out.

~0~

Tosh switched off the television and looked at Ianto sitting on the couch with a shocked expression on his face and whole body shaking in horror, "Oh my God," he whispered, "oh my God, I thought he was such a bastard, I… I said that I hated him Tosh! Oh my God; after everything he went through and he came back and only almost cried once! I am such a bastard!" a tear slipped down his cheek unnoticed and the techie put a consoling arm around his shoulders as he cried.

"There's something that you need to know," she tells him gently, slipping yet another tape into his unresisting hands, "read the label." He did, 'Day 17 of the year that never was, watch the freak crack as the stupid Taff kicks the bucket!'

"They're talking about me," Ianto realised numbly, "Jack saw all of us die once and he couldn't bear to go through that again. All he ever did was for us and yet none of us thought to ask if he was ok. All the times that he was sick and when he had nightmares, and when he didn't come to meet my family for Christmas it was because Blake must have wanted him that day. All of those times that I could have asked and just been more persistent and been able to put a stop to it and I didn't."

"It was no one's fault," Tosh insisted, "blame Blake for being so evil."

"Why didn't Jack feel like he could talk to us?" the Welshman asked sadly, "Any of us, we could have helped him."

The Japanese woman gave him a sympathetic smile, "Saxon and Blake lowered his self-esteem Ianto, not that it was all that high in the first place, and Jack didn't think that anybody would care. He thought that he deserved everything that he got."

"Oh my God," Ianto said. Tosh patted his shoulder as the cog door rolled open and she went off to head Gwen away from the distraught Welshman.

~0~

Ianto slipped down the ladder into Jack's bunker under his office and immediately was hit with the stench of vomit. Clearly 11 days hadn't affected the smell, actually… he was pretty sure that it smelled worse, no way would Owen have let Jack stay down here if it was this bad. The Welshman observed the empty drawers and wardrobe, the duvet was the same one that he had brought Jack for Christmas and, whilst dry, was clearly stained with something that Ianto would prefer not to know about. A bucket lay next to the bed and Ianto gagged slightly at the mass of puke congealing in the bottom of it.

Light glinted off something hidden beneath the tiny bed and he pulled out a dilapidated crisp box that contained a book of photos and scrunched up pieces of paper. He opened the book and saw two thin sheets of something metal showing moving pictures playing on a loop. One showed a family on a beach somewhere with two young boys making a and castle and then the other showed a much younger John Hart pulling in a much, much younger Jack for a snog. The next few showed a carefree Jack with a blonde woman who he presumed was Rose Tyler and a man with big wars and short black hair with a blue police box in the background of several. With a jolt, Ianto realised that it was the Doctor. The next showed numerous lovers- less men than women- Estelle, a girl with messy hair and a big smile, a soldier called Algy from world war two who was also in the next one of a platoon of soldiers. Jack had written names for them all, scribbling and scratching and amending as he tried to remember fallen comrades; a grainy image of the original Captain Jack and then more and more, families and lovers and friends that Ianto would probably never know the names of. Then they came to the present with what seemed like masses of photos of torchwood three and Ianto and mostly Ianto all the way through.

Said Welshman wiped a few tears away and put the book back in its box under the bed and started to tidy up the tiny room. Jack would hopefully be home soon.


	17. Chapter 17

Ianto threw his bag into the boot of his car and then headed round to sit in the driver's seat. His phone rang suddenly, loud in the relative silence that was his car. Checking the caller ID and seeing that it was Tosh, the Welshman put the phone to his ear, "Ianto?" the techie asked. "You're going to see Jack aren't you?"

"I have to Tosh!" he argued, "After all I did to him, after all he's been through, I have to make it up to him somehow!"

"Give him my best," the young Japanese woman said after a moment's pause. "I know how much you've missed him."

"You haven't told Gwen have you?" he queried worriedly, she was already pissed off that Jack and Owen had left the three of them to run torchwood on their own. Tosh let out a frail laugh.

"God, no, are you mad? She would go absolutely hysterical! No, I'll hack into your computer and send an email to all members around lunchtime, then leave before she reads it."

"Thank you," Ianto told her earnestly. "Hopefully soon she will get her head out her arse and see the real world," Tosh gave a very unladylike snort and he felt his mouth quirk upwards. "I'll see you soon Toshling."

"You too, I have to go, Gwen's here!" and the call cut out.

The tea boy rested his forehead on the steering wheel in front of him and let out a sigh. He thought of Jack, and how he had shouted at him and said that he hated him. He remembered all of the times that he had put his thumb and index finger around the immortal man's wrist and held it up to the light in an attempt to get him to see what he was doing to himself. And he recalled the numerous occasions when, although he himself was practically boiling, his lover had worn a thick jumper and curled up tightly into his side in an effort to get warm. Ianto thought of his bed and how it felt incredibly big without the former time agent in it with him. Hell, even Jack's bed felt big without him.

Tears prickled his eyes and he hastily blinked them back, if he started crying and Gwen came down looking for him, then he would never be able to go after Jack and Owen. He remembered all the times that he had been sick and Jack had looked after him and fussed over him- in spite of all the snot- and yet whenever the elder had been sick he had always at least attempted to insist that he was fine; never asking for more than to just stay with him and hold him until he fell asleep.

Ianto felt almost sick with guilt, sitting up straight and wiping his eyes roughly with the sleeve of his sweater and pulling on his seat belt. He turned on the Satnav and quickly tapped in the destination with fumbling fingers. If he set off now, he would be there by noon and right now, Jack needed him even more than he needed Jack.

~0~

Ianto drove his car along the long, winding road up to the cottage near the edge of the woods and stole a glance at the clock, 12:03 pm. Right on time, and the traffic had been particularly bad as well. As he got closer and closer towards his destination, he remembered what things had been like not so long ago and, in spite of everything, wished that he could go back there.

*FLASHBACK*

Ianto woke up to find Jack staring down lovingly at him, "Have you been staring at me all night?" he asked the elder.

"Yes." Came the cheerful response…

"Why? You need to sleep as well you know."

"Not as much or as often as the rest of you mere mortals." Jack joked with a smile.

"Still," he sighed, running a finger over the dark circles under his lover's eyes and tapped his cheek tenderly. "You haven't been sleeping all that well lately, why?"

The ex con man stiffened and pulled away, "I'm fine." He said reflexively but it was empty. But he was fine, wasn't he? Ianto and the others were safe and je knew he was a freaky wrong thing so he was able to protect the others from his wrongness. So why did he feel so empty and worthless inside? Jack shook his head, talking to yourself was the first sign of madness.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and made to stand, then suddenly he was in a heap on the floor and Ianto was kneeling next to him talking frantically, "Jack? Jack? Oh, Jesus Christ, Jack, how many times have I told you, don't put the fear of God into me first thing in the morning!" Jack let out a groan as the young tea boy pulled him upright and made him lean forward, rubbing his back reassuringly.

Five minutes later and they were still in exactly the same place and Ianto scrambled to find his phone on the bedside table, "I'm calling Owen Jack," he informed his captain. "That's twice you've gotten dizzy now and I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine." He repeated dully; he wasn't quite sure why he was still so dizzy but it didn't matter, nothing really mattered but the handsome young Welshman sitting next to him.

*END OF FLASHBACK*

Ok, so it had been no fun all those times that Jack had scared him, or refused to believe that there was something seriously wrong with him or ignored his worried about whether he was getting enough sleep or not, but at least Jack had been there. Ianto felt remorseful, twice Jack had come back to the hub from one of his lunchtime walks ill and twice Ianto had given in to his pleas and hadn't told Owen about it. He didn't care what Tosh said, he was as much to blame for all of this as much as Jack was for not telling anyone and Blake was for being such a cruel bastard.

The Welshman sighed and sped up slightly, he needed to see Jack, soon.

~0~

Owen flicked the kettle on then turned round and let out a sigh as he saw Jack sitting at the kitchen table, staring at his hands folded neatly in his lap and a faraway look on his face. They had been at the cottage for almost two weeks now and nothing had changed. In actual fact, the immortal man weighed less than he had done before they came here, but Owen didn't like to think about that part too much. Jack had rarely spoken, withdrawing into himself even further.

The kettle clicked and the medic turned back round, pouring water into mugs and chucking in a teabag for each- God, but if he didn't miss Ianto's coffee- "How many sugars do you want?" he queried and was met with silence, surprise, surprise. He rolled his eyes and dumped two cubes in, adding milk and then stirring before setting it down in front of Jack. "Well, drink it then!" Owen snapped, annoyed. Blue eyes flickered over to him and then to him then to the mug and finally shaking hands picked up the steaming beverage.

Owen smiled and turned back to the window. He saw the car at the bottom of the hill and froze, it didn't take a genius to work out who it was driving it. The grouchy medic spun around and saw Jack looking at him with sad eyes; thankfully, for once it wasn't raining. "Why don't you go out into the garden?" He asked, trying to summon a smile. "You haven't been out since we got here." The elder gave him a dubious look and wordlessly left out the back door.

Owen sighed and clenched a fist against the work top. If Jack found out that Ianto was here then Owen feared the worst, especially in light of recent events. Of course, he knew that Ianto had come to apologise and do what they all should have done at the start but Jack certainly wouldn't see it that way. He remembered one of the few times that Jack had spoken to him, tears shining in otherwise dull blue orbs and devastated expression as he recalled the Welshman telling him that he hated his guts. It had been like a punch in the stomach to see their strong captain reduced to a little more than an abused and terrified child. Owen headed slowly towards the front door as the sound of the car got closer and closer, but not before checking that Jack was still blissfully unaware in the garden. It was slightly more than disheartening to see him just sitting on the dry grass staring off into nothing but he had bigger problems right now.

He opened the door quietly- he still didn't put it past the immortal not to have supersonic hearing- and stepped out onto the gravel driveway and watched as the Welshman came nearer and nearer to the cottage. Owen just hoped that now they would be able to heal Jack before he broke completely/

~0~

Ianto climbed out of the car and leaned against the door after spotting Owen standing in the porch. "Owen," he said coldly.

"Tea boy," he replied.

A moment later and the medic were in front of him and delivering a punch to his jaw. "I guess I deserved that one, huh?" he asked, standing back up.

"Too right you did! You told Jack that you hated him and refused to let him explain! I suppose Tosh finally showed you the tapes then?"

"Yes, she did. How is Jack?"

At that, something in Owen's eyes crumbled just a little. "How do you fucking well think?" was his retort. "Although I suppose that you have to ask me because there is no way that you are going near him. I don't want him to even know you're here."

The Welshman stiffened. "Why?"

"Because the shit he's been through, having you with him right now wouldn't help him," a moment's pause, then. "Did you bring any coffee?" A tiny smile and patented eye roll then the boot clicked open and he pulled out a thermos flask full of the fresh, steaming coffee. "If I wasn't so pissed off, then I would happily snog you right about now. Gimme!" another eye roll and he handed Owen the flask which he practically ripped it out his hands before heading back to the cottage. "Well, bloody come on then!" he shouted at Ianto who silently followed.

~0~

"You better not try nowt funny tea boy," Owen warned Ianto darkly. "I'm serious about this," he added as the younger continued looking out the window.

"He looks thinner, and paler, and sicker."

"And precisely how is that any of your business?" the medic shot back angrily.

"Because Jack is my boyfriend and also my friend, I care about him."

"So much so that you yelled out that you hated him?"

"I was angry! Owen, if your partner of several months admitted to cheating on you since before your relationship, how would you feel?!"

"Touché," he conceded. "But you still aren't going near him."

"What's wrong with him?"

"Severely underweight- he's actually only about five stone nine now- migraines and a combination of sickness and stress."

"I thought you brought him out here to get him better."

"It was alright in the beginning, and then stuff happened."

"What sort of stuff?"

"It's none of your business!" Owen snapped. "Do you know what you did to him Ianto? You fucking put him back together after the year that never was and then you destroyed him again! He loves you, probably more than he's loved anyone else this past century and then you go and do something like this!"

"And you clearly want me to put it right again- but how can I if you don't tell me the whole story?" Ianto retaliated. "What could be so bad that it's set Jack's recovery back even further?"

Owen sighed and slumped back in his chair and scrubbed a hand wearily over his face. "Listen good tea boy," he said grimly and he started to tell his story.


	18. Chapter 18

On the second day of their stay at the cottage, Owen woke up to the sound of retching coming from the bathroom. With a sigh, he pulled on a shirt over his trackies and hurried into the adjacent room to find Jack heaving into the toilet bowl. The medic absently noticed that this wasn't the first time by far as he knelt down and rubbed soothing circles across his back. "Better?" he asked once it was all over and Jack was sitting against the wall.

"I'm fine," but it was instinctive and empty. 'I'm fine' having become as reflexive as 'yeah' in the constant struggle to make sure that his secret was kept just that, secret.

"Liar," Owen returned. "You puked God knows how many times yesterday, had a flashback in the car and are flipping severely underweight. How in any way does that class as fine?" no answer and he muttered a curse under his breath and stood, offering a hand to the elder which he gingerly took. "Go and get changed," he ordered softly. "I'll go and make breakfast."

"I'm not hungry and also it's only 2 in the morning."

"Oh," he said as he glanced at the clock. "Midnight snack and the porn channel?" the elder just shrugged and stared at the floor. Owen grabbed him by his arm- just above the wrist- and proceeded to drag him down the stairs and pushed him onto the sofa before heading to the kitchen to see if there were any leftovers remaining. Minutes later and he returned with a mug of tea, a plate of leftover pizza and a bottle of beer. "Want some?" Owen offered. Jack went even paler and shook his head, staring at the tea. Owen mentally vituperated himself for forgetting then bit off a large chunk of crust. "Bet you miss Ianto's coffee too, huh?"

At that comment, the immortal man bolted for the kitchen and dry-heaved into the sink. "Jesus Christ Jack," the medic mumbled around a mouthful of food. "You really should let me check you over. Anyone who doesn't like Ianto's coffee just has to be seriously ill."

Jack gave a sob and Owen spontaneously cupped a hand round the back of his neck. "Back to bed," he told him soothingly. "It's ok, we'll find out what's wrong with you and stop you upchucking every hour and then get you back to a normal weight and get you some help with the migraines- how does that sound, huh?"

No answer but Jack was shaky and pale and could barely keep himself standing even with Owen's help so the younger pulled him back to the couch instead and lay him down. "I'll go and find you a bucket soon," he promised, kicking the plate out of the way as the ex con man huddled into his side to try and get warm. He was met with silence and sighed. "Jack, this isn't normal. Sooner or later, you're going to die because you're so thin and then when you revive it'll just be one constant cycle; do you really want that- truly?"

"I don't know," Jack replied softly and despite not wanting to, Owen believed him.

~0~

The thing that made Owen run into the living room was the screaming, loud and frightening and terrified. He saw Jack thrashing on the sofa, fighting with the blanket that was now tangled round his legs. He hurried over and narrowly avoided being kicked in the arm as he struggled to pin the immortal down. Too late, he noticed that his hand was holding his wrist and no matter how fast he pulled away, it didn't stop Jack from going macabrely still and then starting to shake.

Owen was a little more than a bit worried now and reluctantly slapped his captain carefully round the face and praised whatever lord might exist when it has the desired effect of jerking him awake. "It was so cold," he mumbled, eyes darting from place to place as he confirmed that he wasn't in whatever hellish landscape it was that his dreams had provided him with.

"You're safe now," the younger promised.

"Everybody died, everybody is dying, everybody will die. 'S not easy even just… just looking at you, Jack, 'cuz you're wrong," he gasped and it quickly became clear to Owen that, in reality, jack wasn't really back with him at all but back on the valiant with only two insane time lords, a a dozen mad soldiers and a few scared slaves for company.

"Jack?" he asked softly. "Come on Jack, come back; you have to wake up now," a whimper and then a hand slowly ceasing to shake anymore before spooked, tired eyes blinked open. "You back with me now?" the young medic asked and received a nod in return. "What were you dreaming about?"

"What do you think?" came the reply. "The Valiant, always the Valiant or Blake or some time from my past where I fucked up, seems all that I'm good for is getting things wrong."

"Now that isn't true."

"Isn't it?"

"No, it damn well isn't! And whilst you're awake, would now be a good time to ask if I was allowed to check you over?"

"No, it wouldn't," he replied as coherently as he was able to. Owen's thigh made quite a good pillow and he was fast falling asleep. Gone were the days where he had to go long, long periods of time with the only rest being when he died and when the people on the Valiant tortured him in the worst ways possible; and he was just ready to fall asleep and ignore his guilt and sadness and all of the rest of his emotions for just a little bit longer.

"And what if Ianto finally comes to his senses, huh? Would you really want to celebrate being back together with him by being ill?"

"He doesn't want a freaky wrong thing in his bed," Owen sighed, that was the same answer that he had gotten every time that he tried to emotionally blackmail the immortal.

"You really aren't going to change your mind on this are you?"

"Not really, no."

"Get some sleep," a tiny smile lightened his spirits transiently before blue eyes slid shut.

~0~

Owen had often heard how sometimes people had to go against somebody else's wishes to do what was best for them but they had never once said how to deal with the guilt that one felt. And that was how he had come to this: holding the scanner he had brought with him from the medical bay in the hub and staring down at the immortal captain sleeping on the couch, worrying his lip between his teeth.

If he was going to do this, he was going to have to do it soon-otherwise Jack was going to start to have another nightmare soon. He had been right, sleeping pills and normal 21st century sedatives really did not help him get a restful night in the slightest. It was only thanks to the migraines and the malnutrition that he was sleeping at all. To hell with it, the medic thought to himself silently and hurriedly began running the device over the length of the elder's limp form.

An agonising two minute wait after he finished, the scanner beeped and told him to repeat the action. He muttered something dark that would probably have had is grandma turning in her grave and ran the test again. The scanner finally beeped the sound that it was supposed to make and he anxiously read the results. Blink, blink. He reread them twice. "Oh, fuck," he said out loud.

~0~

It didn't take all that long really for Jack to wake up again- thankfully not screaming but with a strangled gasp as if he was coming back to life- but for Owen it felt like an eternity and then some. The immortal shuddered at the memories and shook his head. He caught sight of Owen sitting at the kitchen table, staring idly down at a mug of tea. Probably caffeine withdrawal, they hadn't had nay coffee for ages. Neither of them were as good as Ianto and the one time Owen had tried then his pitiful result had made him throw up again. Although, so did the mention if Ianto's coffee and everyone with a brain cell knew it was the best in the universe. He tried to push the stupid thoughts and wondered through the door to the contiguous room, Owen barely even registered that he was awake, just carried on staring into the depths of his mug as if it would somehow give him the answers he wanted.

"Owen?" Jack asked cautiously. No answer, a little louder. "Owen?" the medic jerked out of his musings, eyes glancing up at him and then back down to the table top. "Owen, what's wrong?"

The Londoner slowly shook his head before opening his mouth. "Jack… fucking bloody hell, Jack, you're pregnant," he blinked no; the boiler must be switching itself on louder than usual again because he was sure Owen had just said… "Fuck, you're pregnant Jack, and I have not one fucking clue on what we're going to do next."

Ok, not the boiler. And, shit, not again; not after last time, he couldn't- he was still too raw and Goddamnit he wasn't able to deal with this. Oh God what if it was Blake's?! And Ianto… Ianto hated him enough and now he had gotten himself pregnant with what was possibly another man's child. And what about Owen? Male pregnancies didn't happen until 3000 years from now, how would they survive if something went wrong? So much was going on in his head and all Jack wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry.

A voice brought him out of his mind and back to the real world and he found that he was crying and Owen had pulled him into a hug. "Ianto hates me, what if it's Blake's?" he mumbled tearfully.

"Don't worry about that now. This must be why you're puking all the time and don't like coffee; what happened the last time that you were pregnant?"

"Miscarriage," he returned sadly, trying to hide away from the world in Owen's shirt. "Lost her at four months, I was gonna name her Joan."

"Sshh," Owen soothed as he started to cry again. "It's ok, everything will be ok Jack."

"What am I going to do Owen?" he sniffled. "Ianto… he hates me and it might be Blake's. Oh, God," the immortal ex con man went even paler and sobbed some more. "The Doctor, he won't help Owen. He hates me, I'm a freak."

"No, you're not. Don't cry- it's bad for the baby. I'll tell you what we're going to do Harkness, today you're going to sleep and absolutely not stress yourself out and then tomorrow you can tell me all about male pregnancies in the future and we'll figure it out from there. But it's time to rest now."

And he tried not to feel guilty as he stayed in his own bed auscultating to his boss cry himself to sleep.

~0~

2 days later=

When he thought about it later, Owen knew that the whole situation had been too good to be true. Granted, it would have been better if they hadn't even ended up in that situation in the first place but he would take what he could get. Ever since they had discovered the pregnancy, Jack had (rancorously) been eating the same amount of food that he should have been having all along as well as getting the right amount of sleep. Yesterday Owen had somehow managed to sedate Jack without him knowing. He probably should have felt guiltier about that than he actually did, but he had made sure that he had administered one of the future ones that had come through the rift that was safe to take during pregnancy and constant nightmares were bad for a month old foetus.

So it wasn't all that big a surprise when he came back to the cottage after a visit to the shop owned by the elderly lady two miles down the road to see the immortal man heaving into the toilet. What was all that surprising was to find him crying at the same time. "Jack?" he asked cautiously, and why were the lights turned off? He pondered. "Are you ok?"

A sob and then a retch and he winced at the sound of regurgitated food hitting the water in the toilet bowl, another sob then tentatively. "Owen?" before he was cut off by the pain lancing through his stomach and let loose a whimper that he tried to silence but was still heard by the grouchy Cockney. Owen switched on the light and felt a pang of congeniality when he saw the pale and crying former time agent.

"Hey, come on, talk to me. What's wrong?"

Jack barely shirked as he knelt down beside him and put a hand on his back. "Dizzy and it hurts and I just generally feel like shit. Does that answer your question?" he gasped through retches so dry that they made his throat hurt.

"Shit, Jack, why didn't you call me? You know I would have come straight back here, when did it start?"

"Felt like it ever since I woke up- and I know you slipped me a sedative by the way- thought it was just morning sickness. Not so sure now though," he broke off to lunge for the toilet again and afterwards doubled over as the pain got even worse. "Owen… it hurts," and the younger knew that he didn't just mean it physically.

"I know, sshh, I know. You're boiling, do you think you can make it back to the bed?" all he got was a shrug.

In the end Owen ended up carrying Jack into his bedroom and putting him back in bed. "Seems like all I do lately is be a stupid, helpless bastard," the immortal mumbled weakly.

"Sshh," he repeated. He wished Ianto was here, he had always been a lot better at this caring shit than he was.

Five minutes later and it looked as though Jack had been able to fall asleep and he started to extract himself from his position as a pillow. Blue eyes flickered open and Jack grasped his arm. "Stay, just… just until I fall asleep?" he pleaded desperately; he lowered his gaze and added quietly. "I don't like going to sleep alone."

"Of course I'll stay," Owen told him. "I'll stay as long as you need me."

"Thank you," he mumbled before drifting into dreamland.

~0~

Owen woke up and found himself on the sofa in the living room with Jack curled up next to him and tear tracks still easily visible on his cheeks. He blinked, unable to remember the events which had caused them both to be there. A few blinks later and it all came flooding back to him.

He had gotten Jack back into bed and then the immortal had begged for him to stay and he had agreed. An hour after that and Jack had been ready to fall asleep in spite of the pain and the vomiting; half an hour after that and he had left his friend upstairs. Then his fever had spiked and he had hurried back down in fear of some past monsters trying to kill them both. It had been at that point that the sedatives had come out.

A soft groan came from the sleeping immortal and suddenly Owen knew precisely what had been wrong with him last night. The trouble was going to be convincing Jack that it hadn't been his fault. "Jack," he started once the man was coherent enough to understand. "I'm sorry."

Immediately, his eyes started to fill with tears. "Was morning sickness," he said brokenly.

Owen shook his head and gently lifted up his shirt; his entire lower abdomen was black and blue from internal bleeding. "I'm sorry Jack," he repeated sadly, pulling him into a hug. "I'm sorry."

"Why?" the elder choked out. "Just, why?"

"I don't know," Another sob and then another and pretty soon a waterfall was cascading down his cheeks and Owen pulled him closer as he mumbled that Ianto would hate him forever now through the salty tears. "Sshh, Ianto won't hate you, he won't so don't you ever believe that, ever."

Jack just carried on crying as Owen realised that all the apologies in the universe wouldn't make it better.

~0~

That afternoon Owen had escaped down to the shop again just to get away from the quiet and sad atmosphere back at the cottage. He very unwillingly went back when it was sunset and Jack was probably getting worried after three hours.

As soon as he came back through the front door he wished that he had never come back. The sounds of sobbing were flagrantly audible even from downstairs and Owen felt guilty, what had he been thinking? The guy had just had a miscarriage; he was in no fit state to be left alone. He hurried up the staircase and was surprised to find him, not in the bathroom where he usually went to cry, but in his bedroom, sitting cross-legged on the blue rug on the floor crying his eyes out over a photo of Ianto.

"You're not still worried about what that stupid Taff will think?" he asked Jack. "Blimey, all worked up and you don't even have to tell him about this at all!" it didn't seem to help and he just cried harder. "Jesus," the younger muttered, shaking his head as he went and sat down on the bed. "What's up with you?"

"Ianto is going to hate me Owen. Actually, no, scratch that, he already hates me, he's just going to hate me even more now."

"Shouldn't you technically hate him instead?"

Jack shot him a horrified look. "Horrible freaky wrong things are not allowed to hate anyone or anything except for themselves. Everybody knows that," he would have rolled his eyes if he wasn't afraid of the reaction he might get. "Ianto hates me Owen, I hate me, and what is it about me that always makes me fuck up at everything? He asked, the tears were still there but partly replaced by anger.

His fist clenched and suddenly he was punching himself in the stomach over and over until Owen seized his arms and made him stop. "What the hell was that about?!" the medic panted angrily once he had stopped struggling.

"I hate me and… and it doesn't matter if it was Ianto's child or Blake's but I still lost it. I might have had my own little Ianto even after he had died and Ianto might have had a reason to leave Torchwood and have a normal life and I lost it," he broke down crying again and Owen pulled him into a hug.

"Hey, come on, don't cry; everything is going to be ok," five minutes later and his sobbing had been reduced to the occasional sniffle- Owen thought it must have been a new record- and the grouchy Cockney tried a new tactic. "You want some hot chocolate? I think I chucked a couple of packets in my suitcase," the ex con man started to shake and Owen struggled to duck his head to catch his eye. "Jack? What's wrong?"

"The Master," he rasped out. "He… he used to scald me after he skinned me sometimes. And, he was inventive and he used to scald me with hot chocolate. Once he poured it all over me, steaming hot, and then he raped me and used it for lube and licked it off- said it got rid of the freaky aftertaste."

"Oh my God," Owen gasped. "That's…" he trailed off, trying to find the right words.

"Totally not enough punishment for a freaky wrong thing?" he offered dully, not letting any emotion slip into his tone.

"No! That's… that's just sick!"

"Don't worry about it, I know I deserve it, you don't have to try and convince me otherwise."

"One day Jack, you'll realise you actually mean a lot to a great deal of people," Jack merely shot him a humourless smile.

"And by then I'll be on my death bed."


	19. Chapter 19

Owen finished telling his story and looked over at Ianto who was sitting numbly at the table, staring into space. "Now do you see why I haven't let you go near him? He's still hurting from everything Ianto, crying in the bathroom every other hour because he's confused about why people are being nice to him when he's been told for so long that he's worthless and a freak. If you go up to him right now then what do you think that would do to him?"

The Welshman could only carry on staring, shocked and maybe just a little appalled. "All that time I was just such a bastard," he said hoarsely. "I came in early the day that you and him left and he was in the kitchen, puking into the bin and I just walked straight by him and didn't even look back, I am such a git! He was carrying what was possibly my child and I left him to suffer by himself!" a pause and his eyes cleared and culmination dawned on his face. "You know why he had a miscarriage don't you?!" the medic nodded. "Why didn't you tell him?"

"Because when he lost that child, his body did it because it was trying not to simply collapse and die. It had to split the tenuous of energy between the both of them or channel it to just one. There was no point in giving it to the foetus; it would just die anyway if Jack did. And on top of that were the stress and the fact that he was already sick with a stomach bug. Do you think I'd really be stupid enough to tell him that?"

"Fair enough," he conceded. "But God!" he exclaimed, burying his face in his hands. "Jesus Christ, what am I going to do Owen? How am I ever going to make this up to him?"

"Somehow you're going to have to mate," he said, shockingly cognizant. "Look, I know that I can be a bastard at times but Jack's still my friend; if you do anything to hurt him then I will kill you."

"I know, I know, shit, Owen, I hurt him so badly. I should have been there for him and all I did was kick him when he was down. Proper good boyfriend I am, huh?

"That's the reason I only punched you once," Owen confided. "It isn't if he is going to accept your apologies Ianto, it's if he accepts that he deserves them.

~0~

Jack wasn't stupid, he knew Ianto was there. That was why he had been sent out to the garden- so he didn't hurt anyone with his wrongness. Owen always insisted that he wasn't wrong and he was a good person, one of the best. But no matter who somebody was, they could only be with him for so long before they came to hate him because of his wrongness. Maybe they were in there right now, talking about what a freak he was and how he deserved all of the punishment that he got. Maybe he was telling him about the baby. Tears sprang to his eyes; Ianto would never want him now. Not that he had really ever wanted him before; he had only stayed with him out of pity, but now he might not even want to work at Torchwood any more. Jack started to cry harder; then tried to pull himself together and scrubbed the tears away with his sleeve, and then bit his lip. Ianto had always gotten made when he cleaned something with his sleeve. Owen had been wrong, he fucked up at everything.

A weird crackling noise drew his attention and his brow furrowed when he spotted a family of squirrels running away from the end of the garden. He turned back to the window, Owen would want to know, and it could be dangerous. But maybe if he investigated by himself and took care of everything then Ianto might want to be back with him again. And if it was dangerous and then Owen and Ianto came out then they wouldn't let him go and investigate it and then it might be dangerous and hurt either of them somehow. Ianto was worth the whole universe, he had realised that a long time ago. So he slowly started forward.

As Jack got closer, the noise got louder until it sounded like fire and a weird light snaked out like a ribbon. Almost as if there was a rift opening. But that was impossible, wasn't it? He gingerly pulled back the leaves of several bushes and spotted the rift just closing, a lone, idiosyncratic pink box nestled amongst the dead leaves. The immortal reached for it and then fell back as it made a shrill noise and started to fly around, gurgling like a child. He froze at the memories of the Toclafane as it hovered in front of him and he wondered if maybe it would be like the movies and an eye stalk would come out of nowhere.

One second later and a cloud of gas enveloped him and the box fell to the ground. The pain was unbearable, like the Master and Blake and all of his memories combined and attacking him over and over. He fell to the ground with a scream and mercifully fell unconscious.

~0~

For once Ianto really wished that he could just have a normal life. He and Owen had been sitting in a not quite so comfortable silence around the kitchen table when a scream of pain shredded through the air. Owen had seemed to be pulled out of a half-awake sort of state, asking what the hell was going on. Ianto, on the other hand, hadn't needed to think twice and absconded out of the back door to the garden, the surly physician following a step behind.

At the sight that was an unconscious Jack crumpled in a heap on the ground at the far end of the garden, he sped up and soon was on the floor next to the immortal. "Fuck," Owen proclaimed. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

"What's wrong with him?!" Ianto stipulated him fearfully.

"Looks like he collapsed, but that wouldn't explain why he screamed like that."

"He will be ok though?" as soon as the words had left his mouth Jack started to shake in a gruesome seizure.

"Shit," Owen muttered, well aware that there wasn't a work to describe the situation that they were in.

The seizure stopped as suddenly as it had started and Jack moaned, sad and lonely- like a wounded animal. "Jack?" Ianto asked, ignoring the look that he got from Owen as he started to stroke his hair. "Jack, wake up now." Another moan but his eyes stayed firmly clamped shut and Ianto gave him a little shake nut to no avail.

Owen caught sight of something neon pink and went to reconnoitre. He found a pink box with the remnants of a cloud of gas round it. With a sickening lurch, he realised what it was. "It's a weapon," he told Ianto who had come up behind his shoulder. "I can't remember what planet they come from, but they're a single use thing designed for captured soldiers. It emits a gas sort of thing which basically attacks the nervous system and creates enough pain to knock someone out. But I've never seen one actually used before."

"So what are we going to do?"

"I'll get Jack into my car, I brought some stuff with me from the hub, then whilst I 'm doing that then you go and shove all of our stuff in a suitcase. I'll drive Jack back and you follow us in your car and we'll get back to the hub," he spotted the indecision on Ianto's face and pushed further. "Look, who's the doctor round here? And my car is tiny and you're frantic, you'd only get in the way, deal?"

Ianto nodded and hurried back inside.

~0~

Ianto hastily shoved Owen's shirts into the bag he had found in the corner of the room and then stuffed his trousers in as well, he simply shoved the underwear drawer over the bag and shook out its contents- they said that British people were crazy but even he wasn't that mad. Plus he hadn't had a tetanus shot in a while. Oh God, he couldn't lose Jack now, he couldn't. He remembered the lugubrious expression on Jack's face when he had looked out the window and felt like crying. The Welshman moved to the bathroom and unpretentiously pulled open the cupboard and swept everything into the case, not really caring too much if something spilt as a result of his haste.

He moved out to the landing and after several spare rooms discovered Jack's and opened a second bag that he found and started to pull out the neat stacks of shirts and over shirts before schlepping open the other draw and stopping short. His own face looked back up at him. He blinked and then realised that he was in fact looking at a photo, several photos in fact, he amended. He flicked the page and saw more pictures and then lots of writing.

I think Ianto hates me. If I hate me then that obviously means that everyone else hates me. I don't mean to make everyone hate me, honestly I don't. But, somehow, I always end up doing that. I think I love Ianto. If everyone is different then what truly is love? I love Ianto and used to take him on dates but some people say that they love another person and yet they hit them. But maybe they do love them and are just afraid that they would leave. I don't want to be lonely anymore, I miss Ianto. He looks after me even though I'm freaky and wrong and a thing and when Blake poisoned me he stroked my hair and tucked me in and after the creature in the warehouse he took care of me that night even though I hit him…

The sound of gravel crunching under car tyres drew his attention and he promptly threw everything into the bag and was more than a bit shocked to see the Torchwood SUV pulling up the driveway. Hold on… no way would Gwen have let Tosh go out by herself… oh, shit.

He zipped the bag shut and made a beeline for the door.

~0~

Tosh could think of several places that she wanted to be right now and here was not one of them. They had been out on a call when an alert told them of some space junk. Upon seeing its location, Tosh's heart had sunk but Gwen had carried on oblivious and now the young Japanese woman was dreading the inevitable altercation to come. "Come on!" the Welshwoman shouted, already halfway up the drive. She stopped when she saw both Ianto's and Owen's cars parked outside the cottage. "Tosh!" she started, turning back around to face her. "Where the hell are we?"

"At the cottage where Owen and Jack are staying," she replied and thought that it was a miracle that she managed to keep her voice steady. "I think Ianto said something about coming to visit Jack today."

"Of all the cheek!" she fumed. "Jack is perfectly fine and yet Ianto insists upon coming up here as if it's the end of the world! I was almost killed today because we were short of staff!"

Tosh rolled her eyes, she hadn't almost been killed. She had simply broken a heel on her stupid pair of shoes. And that was caused by her own idiocy. Too late she noticed that Gwen had stormed off and scurried after her.

~0~

Ianto had just breathlessly informed Owen of the new arrivals when Gwen marched into the garden, metaphorical steam billowing out her ears. "You selfish bastards!" she yelled. "All this fuss over nothing and because of that I was almost killed!"

"We would never be able to get that lucky," Owen muttered and Ianto privately agreed and decided to shut the Welshwoman up once and for all.

"Shut up Gwen, Jack's the victim here- not you. Get that through that thick skull of yours and help us get Jack into the SUV. I presume that not even you are stupid enough to go anywhere without a standard medical kit?" Tosh smiled and went to help Owen lift Jack but the medic merely shook his head.

"Disturbing as it is, I'm easily able to pick him up by myself," he explained and Ianto fancied that even Gwen's eyes widened a little at that.

And so they set off in a rather strange convoy: Ianto, Owen and Jack in the SUV; Tosh driving Owen's car behind them and Gwen in Ianto's car after that as they left for hime.


	20. Chapter 20

24 hours later=

A cup filled with steaming coffee was placed down on the coaster on Tosh's desk and she mumbled a gesture of appreciation which Ianto took with a nod and moved on to where Gwen was hanging over the rail of the medical bay, arguing with Owen. Tosh frowned, looking from the pink box on the desk to her computer screen and back again. She ran the scans once more and got the same results. Her first instincts were to call Jack over and ask him what he made of all this; then she remembered with a sinking feeling that she couldn't. She would have continued feeling disheartened except for a rise in volume in the yelling match between two of her colleagues. "Fucking Jesus Christ Gwen, and just what did you think was a good idea about throwing something at me? It almost hit Jack!" at that comment, Ianto hurried over and started to join in the dialogue, shooting daggers at the Welshwoman.

The Japanese woman shook her head in annoyance and turned back to the screen, something about this just wasn't quite right. Oh, this was only meant to be used once, all the others she had seen were designed to be used several times. Hmmm, maybe this was a prototype. She flicked off the screen and leant back in chair with a sigh. They had been back for a whole day and Jack hadn't moved once. He had been still and unconscious ever since they had brought him home bar for once seizure in the car which had made Owen practically force Ianto into pulling sharply onto the side of the road and look after him as best he could whilst the Welshman panicked and Gwen moaned. It had taken up a lot of her energy not to simply get a hold of Ianto's stun gun and knock her out for a while. But Ianto had (sadly) put a stop to that. But only because they had needed her to drive his car so he was able to drive the SUV as Owen cared for Jack.

Their argument was really starting to pee her off now. Or rather, Gwen was. It seemed Ianto was winning which was good. "Gwen! You could have killed Jack! Don't stand there acting innocent when it's you who is at fault!"

"I shouldn't be blamed for the rest of you overreacting!" she roared back. Whatever Ianto was going to say was drowned out by the screaming which erupted from Jack.

~0~

Ianto wasted no time in pelting down the stairs to the medical bay and over the where Jack lay writhing on the bed. "Owen, help him!" he shouted frantically.

"I'm trying!" he yelled back, doing his best to avoid being hit whilst simultaneously attempting to hold down the ex con man.

"What's happening, Owen, what's the matter with him?!" Tosh asked.

"I'll find out if and when he stays still long enough!" the medic snapped. Jack struggled harder and all four of them let out a collective wince and a groan as he crashed onto the floor. The immortal finally opened his eyes just enough to be able to scramble away from them all into a corner before the adrenaline rush overwhelmed him and he slumped against the wall, completely enervated.

Gwen made a move but Tosh pulled her back, ignoring her cries of anger. Owen looked at Ianto who quickly got the message and nodded. "Jack?" he said softly, and shuffled back a few feet when he whimpered and squirmed away. "Ok, it's ok. Can I come closer?" the elder shook his head, terrified. "Fine, that's perfectly fine. Do you want anyone else to come and look after you instead of me?" Jack drew into himself further, declining the offer as he did so. The Welshman shot Owen a helpless glance to which he just shrugged. "Do you think you could maybe move… somewhere else? I haven't quite finished tidying up your bunker yet but the couch is a lot better than the floor."

"Leave me 'lone," Jack mumbled, "before the wrongness gets to you too."

"Ok, ok, we'll leave you here for a bit then if that's what you want. Would you like anything to eat or drink at all?" he shook his head and whispered 'Leave me alone' again. Ianto wavered and then gently offered him a nearby blanket but he simply scrambled away. The younger slowly moved back, away from his lover.

"He can't stay down here," Tosh spoke up. "It's cold; he'll get sick."

"What else do you suggest Tosh?" Owen asked darkly, "He doesn't even want to acknowledge anyone but tea boy."

"Can't we call someone? Or doesn't torchwood have protocols for this sort of thing?"

"None that I know of," Owen sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Ok, conference room in five people."

~0~

"So what's wrong with him?" Gwen asked Owen.

"Not too sure, my only guess is that it's affecting him differently due to his 51st century biology."

"Actually," Tosh offered, "this device looks like a prototype. So maybe the gas used in it is deadlier than the later ones."

"Either way Jack is still like this and we have no way to fix it," Ianto said as he calmly entered the room, carrying a tray full of fresh coffee.

"Thank you tea boy," Owen muttered sarcastically. "How's Jack?"

"Exhausted, whatever this is it's taking a lot out of him but he's too scared to sleep. But on the upside, he let me put a blanket over him. He doesn't like being touched at all."

"That coma thing wore off eventually, maybe the same will happen with this," Gwen suggested.

"Possibly," the medic nodded, "or it might not."

"We could call the Doctor."

"Hello, perfectly qualified medical practitioner over here Tosh!"

"I said the Doctor Owen, Jack's Doctor: the one that he chased after and held onto a police box for."

"And, oh, so you want to invite the person who started this whole mess in here, where Jack is currently weak and vulnerable and ask him to fix Jack," the Londoner said scathingly. "No way whatsoever mate."

"Well, I can hear lots of suggestions coming out from your oversized gob!" she snapped back angrily.

"I'm not saying that I like the idea but maybe it's our only option," Ianto told Owen grudgingly. "Think about it," he hurried on, "this was designed as a weapon so those that it was used on must have made an antidote. The Doctor could take Jack and one of us in his 'Tardis' thing and get him back to normal."

"Jack told me that the Doctor hated him," the physician argued. "Do you really think that would be a good idea? And there's no guarantee that he will even help Jack."

"Are you kidding, look at him Owen! Who wouldn't want to help him? And there would be four of us against one person who doesn't carry any weapons. Plus, don't you rather think that he would feel a sense of debt to Jack?"

"I'm still not convinced," he sighed.

A loud noise erupted from the medical bay and Ianto hurried down to look after their immortal captain. Five minutes later he re-entered the conference room, "What happened?"

"He tried to stand up and got dizzy and fell and hit his arm on the bed. He wouldn't let me check him over but he seemed ok," Tosh gave Owen a look and he relented.

"Fine, we'll call him! But if Jack asks then it wasn't my idea."

~0~

It just felt wrong to Ianto somehow, to be searching through Jack's office whilst its owner was currently rendered indisposed in the medical bay; screaming every time that Gwen or Tosh went near him. "So tea boy," Owen drawled, annoyingly smirk less, "you've been in here often enough, where does Jack keep his contacts list?"

"You're assuming that he even has one," the Welshman responded. "Jack doesn't seem to socialise outside of Torchwood."

"What, never since it started?"

"You forget Owen," he said dryly, "Jack was torchwood's prisoner- still technically is."

"But… why wouldn't he have changed that?"

"Oh, I don't know, I mean, running a top secret organisation that catches aliens isn't exactly much more than a hobby, is it?"

Owen rolled his eyes and then found Jack's phone under a load of paperwork, "There isn't any contact under the name 'Doctor'," the elder observed, scrolling down the list. "He's hardly got anyone. There's us four, a bird called Alice, couple of UNIT folk that he trusts, pizza place- surprise, surprise- and that's about it. Oh, someone called Girly; no one else."

"Anyone called Jones?"

"Hmmm… yeah, Tish and Francine and Martha."

"You really are dense," Ianto told him.

And true to form, it took a few seconds before everything clicked into place, "Oh! Martha was one of the ones on the Valiant! Yeah, I call her."

"No, give it to me- you're not exactly known for your diplomatic skills," Owen shot him a gesture but obligingly left.

Five beeps later and a woman answered, "Hello?"

"Martha Jones?"

"Yeah,"

"My name is Ianto Jones; I'm one of Jack Harkness' colleagues."

"Why isn't he calling then?" she questioned him suspiciously.

Oh, she's good, he thought, "I'd rather not say over the phone, just in case this exchange is being monitored you understand. But, do you know how to contact the Doctor? "

"And if I do?"

"Would you be able to ask him to arrive in torchwood three's base as soon as possible? It's rather urgent."

"What's going on?"

"There is… a bit of a situation at the moment and we could use the Doctor's assistance."

"I'll try."

"Thank you, and Martha?"

"Yeah,"

"Please, just tell him that Jack needs him," the call cut out.

~0~

"Martha Jones, hello, how have you been?" the Doctor asked jovially. "Have you tried calling before? It's just I was a bit busy with this huge great big ship you see."

"Doctor," she said, a stark contrast with his bubbliness, "it's Jack."

"What's he done now?"

At that sentence, a lot of her suspicions fell into place, "Doctor, don't."

"Don't what?" he asked, confused.

"Just… every time Jack does something you tell him to stop; as if he was annoying you."

"I always tell him not to flirt, he doesn't mind."

"Doesn't he, when have you ever asked Jack what he thinks?"

"What did you really call for Martha?" guilt was not an emotion that he dealt with well.

"I told you: Jack."

"Well, what about Jack?"

"What do you mean 'what about Jack'? Can't you tell that something's wrong with him? I just got a call from his friend at Torchwood and he refused to tell me anything more than that they had a situation going on there. I'm a doctor and I saw the aftermath of the year that never was. Jack is suffering Doctor."

"He was fine after the year that never was, he's immortal."

"I'm not talking about physically, you imbecile! How would you feel if you had just spent an entire year being called every name under the sun?" he didn't answer.

"Well… what did you think was the matter with him?" the time lord said eventually.

"Oh, apart from the fact that he was much too thin, had self-esteem issues; had been tortured and God knows what else? Not much," the elder scoffed. "Tish told me that Jack told her that he thought that you hated him."

"Of course I don't hate Jack!" he protested.

"Have you ever actually told him that to his face?"

"Well… I offered to let him travel with me again, didn't I?"

"Yes, and Jack being Jack thought that it was out of pity and wouldn't want to impose. Plus, he had his team to think about."

"We talked when we were fixing the Tardis."

"Oh, yeah, what a way to show your gratitude by giving him five hours labour on a machine you said was repulsed by him and then letting him have one measly shower and a change of clothes. Doctor, Jack wouldn't have wanted you to know so clearly they're going behind his back and sodding the consequences. Trust me, it's bad."

"Ok, ok, I'm going," the call ended and a minute later, the Tardis materialised inside torchwood three's hub.


	21. Chapter 21

Ianto watched as a skinny man in a pinstriped suit and tie stepped out of the strange blue box. If this was the Doctor then 900 years clearly had done little to help his fashion sense, he thought as he spied the elder's shoes, "I'm assuming that you're the Doctor that we asked Martha to call?" he asked calmly.

"Yup, that's me! Now, what's the matter with Jack?" he asked.

"He's… sick," Tosh explained, at a loss at what other word there was to describe it. "We know about the year that never was," she added gently, "and I'm sorry."

"Thank you," he accepted sincerely. "But you know how it is, busy life; moving on. So what's wrong with the captain, huh?"

Owen didn't think that he was really a medical doctor but started to talk anyway, "He's severely underweight, sick with a stomach bug and stress. And he has a self-esteem issue- which you're partly responsible for."

"Yeah, Martha sort of mentioned that," he said, bringing a hand up to scratch his head sheepishly. "Did he tell you everything?"

"This is your entire fault for leaving him behind on the Gamestation," Ianto butted in coldly. At Owen's confused look, he added, "Jack talks in his sleep; that mild sedative you gave him on the way back was like a truth serum. And he was far too exhausted to realise what it was he was saying. If you hadn't left him on the satellite place then he would never have ran after you and you would never have tried to run off and never got taken to the end of the universe."

"Yeah," the Doctor admitted, "not one of my best moments, I'll give you that."

"Can you fix Jack?" Ianto asked him.

"If you can't then we're screwed," Owen said bluntly.

"Well, let's find out!" the Doctor said cheerfully, bouncing down the stairs.

~0~

The Doctor did a double take at the sight of his old friend lying under a blanket on the floor, little more than a skeleton, "We told you, he's been sick," Tosh whispered. "He hasn't been right since he came back."

"Owen tried," Ianto explained, "he took him away to a cottage but nothing worked. He got gassed by this weapon thing yesterday and was unconscious for 24 hours. He woke up a while ago but he won't let anyone touch him- he's scared."

"Of what?" Gwen asked, baffled.

"Take your pick," Owen muttered grimly, to which Tosh elbowed him hard in the ribs. Ianto rolled his eyes at the medic.

"He's sick Doctor, he's feverish and after everything that he's been through, he's stressed and sleep deprived. How would you expect someone to be?"

"Fair enough, now I'm going to go into his mind. It'll be painless and quick- I promise. I'll try to undo the damage that the Master did and whilst I'm at it, I'll put him into a sleep."

"Stop talking and get on with it then!" Owen snapped.

"Right, yes, I'll see you in a bit," two fingers on each temple and he was gone.

~0~

The walls that Jack had built up around his mind had been in place for over 150 years. Now he just walked through the rubble, like the sole survivor after an earthquake. The damage done by the Master was clear: Jack's mind was usually like a library but now random pages flickered about loose from their bindings and the shelves upturned. One tiny shelf was still upright and it contained the worst memories that the immortal had. So he was able to do nothing without self-doubt constantly in the back of his mind. The Doctor opened the first, knowing that the rest would follow.

There was an invasion, a little boy and another, still younger, child, running along a beach, sweaty and in sweaty hand and then just a lone sweaty palm, thinking that the other was close behind, an angry mother screaming at a boy for letting his brother down. Another time agent, slowly turning into a monster with a desire for blood as red as his jacket; waking up one day to find that he couldn't remember the past two years of his life. A soldier called Algy, dead from a piece of shrapnel through his stomach, a girl with bright red hair who was the only one left, the only survivor besides Jack of a group of soldiers with hearts as big as anything.

Two women systematically torturing Jack over and over on a daily basis before locking him up each night in a cell, New Year's Eve, 1999, re-entering the hub to find everyone dead but for some man who then shot himself after giving an ominous message. Waking up after three days dead, the torchwood team betraying him; '"'s not easy even just looking at you Jack, 'cuz you're wrong,"', freak, the Master, pervert, rape.

The Doctor tried his best to soothe the fiery burn of the memories and placed some good ones on the shelf. The damage done by the Master was too extensive and even if he tried, Jack would probably die from his poor physical state before he could leave. The time lord sensed the sadness of his friend and drew a big smiley emoticon on the ground before withdrawing from his friend's mind.

~0~

The Doctor came out of Jack's mind to see four worried members of the torchwood team, "Is he ok now?" Ianto demanded worriedly.

"I can't undo the damage that the Master did to him," he said sadly. "I did all that I could but any more and I ran the risk of being there so long that Jack would have died with me still in his mind- no telling what would have happened then."

"Did you put him to sleep?"

"Oh, yeah, hold on a second," he put his fingers back on Jack's temples and concentrated hard and then gently caught the limp body as he fell asleep.

"You said that his mind was broken, what does that mean exactly?"

"Well… think of a mind as like a library. Shelves upon shelves filled with books. Each book contains a memory and each shelf contains either similar memories or other memories from that period of a person's life. The bad memories are usually scattered all over the place by the brain. But the Master, he found all of Jack's worst memories and put them all on one shelf together. Then he kicked down the rest of the shelves and ripped the books apart- by the way, if he ever has flashes of memory, it's one of those pages drifting past- so no matter what Jack does now, there would always be those little insecurities in the back of his brain."

"So what did you do about it?" Tosh asked him. Owen was scribbling everything he could remember down on a notepad in case they needed it at a later date.

"Well, I couldn't just tear up the bad memories; it's both sets that make a person who they are, but bad memories burn so I lessened the burn, put some good memories on the shelf as well. That was about all I'm able to do at this point. Any more in your time and Jack would have died by then."

"So what do we do now?" the young Japanese woman despaired. "We can't put him in his bunker- Ianto hasn't finished tidying it yet."

"Actually, that was a lie. I just said that because he is practically suicidal at the moment and the couch would have been an easier place for someone to be able to keep an eye on him. Also I still have a razor in his bathroom cabinet."

"What is this 'bunker'?"

"It's a room under Jack's office where he lives. He doesn't really ever do much outside of torchwood except for take Ianto on dates."

"Let's go then!" the Doctor said, bouncing away up the stairs.

~0~

"Well, this is… not what I would have expected," the Doctor remarked as he climbed down the ladder. He turned to Ianto who was tucking Jack into his bed, adding his greatcoat over the freshly cleaned duvet as an afterthought. When he stepped back, he realised that the scene strongly resembled that of a small child with a snuggle blanket.

"What did you expect?" he asked, making sure that the duvet was exactly straight.

"I don't know, he's been here for 150 years, I would have thought that he would have made a life for himself."

"He was torchwood's prisoner Doctor, still technically is. And he was waiting for you; he couldn't afford to let his guard down."

"Prisoner?" he questioned, eyes wide. The Welshman nodded and carried on with stroking Jack's hair.

"They seemed to like the idea of an immortal plaything rather a lot," he observed.

"But, after he found me again, why didn't he get a life outside?" the time lord faltered. "This place… it's tiny! So empty and barren, surely no one could live down here?"

"Oh, he's only been in here since about the 1990s, I think. That was when Alex Hopkins was the leader, until then it was some dank, filthy cell with a blanket on the floor as a bed."

"He went through all of that, and came out sane?" that earned him a laugh. Luckily Jack was so deeply asleep that he wasn't disturbed in the slightest.

"What makes you think he was even sane when he started?" Ianto snorted. "It seems to me that Jack hasn't been sane in a very long time Doctor," he couldn't really argue with that. "Did you ever really see what they did to him on the Valiant, Doctor?" he queried. Startled by the sudden change of subject and filled with his shame, he stayed silent, "I thought as much," the younger nodded, "what they did to him was… despicable. And that's an understatement if there ever was one. The sick bastards made recordings of it Doctor. I saw a lot of things on those tapes and 'man's inhumanity to man' doesn't even cover it."

"You really do love Jack, don't you, Ianto Jones?"

"Yes, I do," he replied calmly, "and I certainly wouldn't leave him behind on a game station however many years in the future when he had just gotten killed by a dalek and then after meeting up with him again call him a freak."

"You really aren't going to let this go, are you?"

"Not really, no. if you knew everything that has happened Doctor, you'd understand how we all feel."

"Then tell me everything, tell me how Jack went from how he was on the Tardis at the end of the year that never was to a skeleton. Tell me how."

"I can't, Owen is the one who's most in the know. Ask him," Ianto looked away and smiled at the sleeping immortal, a sad, small little smile as he curled his hand around the sleeve of his coat and pulled it close. "He told me, after a mission, he told me that he went with you and it wasn't a good trip. Later that night he woke up from a nightmare and puked his guts up. I should have noticed then," he shook his head and disappeared up the ladder.

~0~

The Doctor had just been served a cup of tea made by Ianto- he was as good at making tea as he was at coffee- when he decided to ask the question that none of them were willing to answer, "So what happened, how did Jack turn into this?" he asked. It didn't surprise him that they all went silent.

"There was this man…" Tosh started before trailing off with a flustered gesture.

"He came back from the year that never was; we all noticed that something wasn't quite right. He'd lost weight and was twitchy. He didn't eat much and was much more self-deprecating than he had been before he left," Ianto sighed.

"I caught him going through the cupboards," Owen injected, "he told me later that he was looking for sleeping pills. They didn't work, he couldn't force himself to sleep dreamlessly and they just made the migraines worse."

"There turned out to be this man, Blake Anderson; he was a guard on the Valiant and somehow they failed to notice that he was one of the cruel ones. He had CCTV recordings, hundreds of them; told Jack that unless he 'satisfied' him, he would track us down and kill us and our families and then post the videos on the internet. He basically carried on where the Master left off and recorded all the sessions- I saw some of the tapes," Tosh blanched, "I burned every one of them."

"Then what happened?"

"By this point, Jack's sense of self-worth was at zero. He believed everything that he was told. He told Ianto that he was cheating on him and they broke up. I checked on him one morning and found him sick. He explained everything to me and I dealt with Blake. Then I took Jack to a cottage to try and help him. It went ok at first, and then something happened."

"What happened?" the Doctor queried, more sharply than he had first intended.

"None of your fucking business!" Owen snapped back. The Doctor had seen enough of human behaviour to know that when someone like Owen got that angry and defensive, it meant that whatever had happened was exceptionally bad.

"Ok," he said slowly, leaning back in his chair and stretching, "now we just have to wait until Jack wakes up- although there's a possibility that there might be a couple of side effects."

"Like what?"

He grinned, "There's a reason I like this sort of weapon. Its side effects are somehow able to benefit the sufferer, but custom suited for each person. And this is Jack we're talking about, be prepared for anything."


	22. Chapter 22

Ianto had presumed that Jack was asleep when he went down to his bunker to check up on him. So it was surprise enough that the immortal man was sitting on the bed, staring at him with wide eyes. Be gentle, Ianto reminded himself, last time that you saw each other this this you said that you hated him; he offered up a gentle smile. "Hey," he said softly. For a moment it looked as though Jack was going to respond and things between them would be normal again but then remembrance came and he shut his mouth and looked sadly down at the bed. Just then a faint whisper echoed around the Welshman's head.

Why would he want me? Another voice, freak, abomination, pervert, wrong, '"'s not easy even looking at you Jack, 'cuz you're wrong."' No one wants a freaky wrong thing in their bed.

Ianto looked but Jack's mouth was still closed. He hadn't spoken a word since the incident in the medical bay. It was almost as if he was hearing Jack's actual thoughts. Ok… it wasn't as if that was the weirdest thing that had ever happened in torchwood. Hmmm. "Jack," he started slowly, "what's wrong?" the elder shook his head and continued looking down at the bed. Whispers echoed and whirled around the tiny space.

Everything's wrong, I'm wrong- freaky wrong thing that doesn't deserve food or love. Why does Ianto care? But it's nice that someone cares. Even nicer that it's Ianto. But he hates me; I don't blame him. Everyone hates me. The Doctor only went into my mind because they need me to be cannon fodder whenever something big and bad happens. I don't mind, freaky wrong things deserve pain and they're my family.

Ianto bit his lip; the idea of listening to another person's thoughts was a lot like reading someone else's diary. It was personal and private, this just felt a bit too intrusive. A scary thought struck; if he could supposedly hear Jack's thoughts then maybe Jack could hear his. Oh… he suddenly felt the need to get as far away from the bunker as was humanly possible. There was no telling what would happen if they carried on like this. "I have to go now," he said, as steadily as he could manage. He gestured at the ladder, "Owen is probably waiting. Are you hungry at all? I could get you some food." Jack shook his head, a dejected look on his face. "Well, I'll see you later then," he ran off.

~0~

"Either I am going mad or I have suddenly gone telepathic," Ianto told Owen bluntly, "but I heard all of Jack's thoughts when I was done there."

"Huh?" the medic looked up from where he was playing solitaire on the computer.

"Go down to Jack's bunker and then you'll be able to hear his thoughts."

"Good… hold on, what?!"

He rolled his eyes, "Whilst I was down there I could all all of what Jack was thinking."

The Doctor came over, "What's happening?"

"Tea boy has gone batty," Owen mumbled, already going back to his computer. The Doctor with his maniac energy unnerved him a lot.

"What sort of 'batty'?" the Doctor rounded on him, eyes sharp and curious.

"When I went down to check on Jack," he explained, nodding his head in the direction of the immortal's office, "I could hear all of what he was thinking. It was weird, like he was whispering without actually opening his mouth."

The time lord pondered it over for a second before a light bulb came on, "Aha! I know what's happened!"

"Care to enlighten the not so lucky few then?" Owen asked under his breath. Tosh clapped him round the head before continuing to listen to the Doctor.

"Now, I'm guessing that you all know that Jack comes from the 51st century, yes?" they all nodded. "Well, by that time, humans have developed their brain power and mental capabilities so that basically means that Jack is a telepath. The Master damaged his mind- basically raped him from the inside out. That alone would be cause for leaks, where dreams and daydreams and thoughts from when the victim is in their subconscious escape into the minds of the people around them. Most of the time they probably wouldn't even know what had happened unless someone brought it up. But now Jack, he had a double shot: he had the damage done by the Master, the damage done by Blake and the effects of that weapon. This is probably the side effects that I mentioned; most likely sensing that Jack is crying out for help and it is trying to make the people that are around him realise that."

"Is Jack able to read any of our thoughts?" Tosh asked.

"Jack has always been very perceptive, even without telepathy it wouldn't be much trouble. Before this, he probably read the surface of your minds all the time; only occasionally go through all your thoughts. Did you ever notice that he was always there whenever one of you needed him?"

"It's true, he was," Ianto said. All the times that Jack had ever just come and randomly pulled him into a massive bear hug he had needed one. "I had better go back to Jack," the Welshman said, hurrying off towards his lover.

~0~

Ianto went back down the ladder and found that Jack was asleep again. He smiled and carefully sat down on the bed next to the elder with his legs crossed and his elbows resting on his knees. He loved seeing Jack sleep, the immortal man told honest stories when he was asleep as opposed to when he was awake. He couldn't put on the bright, untouchable mask he always wore when he was awake. Sometimes the former con man would lie completely still and Ianto feared that he had died in his sleep; whether he actually ever did die or not, he had never found out. Jack gave a moan and squirmed, knocking his head against his foot which caused him to move some more- whimpering sad, frightened noises at horrors that only he could see. And Ianto, for one, had had enough of watching Jack suffer.

"Jack, cariad, wake up now," he ordered gently, pulling him into a loose embrace and kissing his forehead tenderly. He was only thankful that Jack's drams hadn't been made public as well. The elder man woke with a start, tears in blue eyes threatening to spill over down his cheeks and Ianto hugged him tighter as he heard the whispers.

Freaky wrong things don't deserve love, why is he hugging me? Is it a trick? Is it part of the Doctor's plan to get rid of me? I'd like to die permanently.

The Welshman looked straight into depressed blue orbs. "This isn't a trick," he promised before pulling him into a kiss. He didn't get as much thoughts that time as just the overall feeling of happiness with a smidge of insecurity. "It's ok," he murmured, "its ok, nobody is going to hurt you anymore; I'll look after you." A stronger flicker of insecurity and a whisper: freaky wrong things and Jack clung tighter, trying to will away the voices in his head and focus on those pretty Welsh vowels.

The whispers got louder and he let out a sob, thinking that if he actually had anything left in him then he would probably have been sick. But Ianto was there, that was good, very good. "Ianto," he sniffled, "I missed you."

He felt more than heard the tea boy smile and let loose a sigh of relief, "I missed you too."

There was shouting and then a thump from upstairs and then a worrying silence. Ianto gave him another kiss, "Be back soon," he promised.

~0~

When Ianto next went down to the bunker, Jack was awake; sitting on top of the duvet, chewing on the corner of his sleeve anxiously. Ianto actually switched on the main light this time and let out a wince at the sight of how thin Jack had gotten. "I brought food," he said doing his best to act as if everything was normal.

Freaky wrong things don't deserve food; he won't like me if I get fat.

Ianto felt his heart wrench as he put the tray on the bedside table and sat beside his lover. He noticed that Jack went a little green and every fibre in his body screamed to take the tray out but he couldn't- Owen said that he needed food. It was only his immortality and will power that was stopping him from going into a coma because his glucose levels were too low. He put an arm around Jack and pulled the tray over so that it was balanced across their knees. The sense of nausea coming off of Jack increased and Ianto grimaced sympathetically, "Jack, cariad, you have to eat something."

"'m not hungry," the immortal shrugged and Ianto heard the same litany of thoughts again.

"Jack, you need to eat. Please, for me?" it was emotional blackmail and they both new it but it worked as the ex time agent slowly picked up the mug of coup and took careful sip after sip. The tea boy smiled and settled down next to him, keeping a reassuring arm across his shoulders.

Eventually, the question had to come up. "Do you blame me for the baby?" Jack asked softly, afraid of the answer that he might get.

"Do you blame me for being such a bastard?" Jack shook his head, horrified at the thought. "Well then. These things just happen sometimes."

The immortal just shrugged and snuggled closer. "It's cold," he mumbled, "the Doctor… ever since he went into my mind it's been cold."

The tea boy kissed his forehead and frowned, "You're burning up cariad."

"I think I'm going to be sick," the elder said, pulling his knees up to his chest.

Ianto rubbed his back soothingly and pulled him down next to him, "No you're not, its ok. It's just you're not used to eating so much; it's going to take a while for your stomach to settle. Just try and think of something else."

"Ianto, I love you."

He shot the captain a quizzical look, "You've never said it out loud before."

Jack shrugged, "Wanted to make sure that you knew before you realise how wrong and dirty and broken I am."

Ianto read between the lines: before you left me again, "I won't leave you, I love you too."

"It won't last," he uttered. Ianto stroked a hand over his stomach then reached across and entwined their fingers together. Jack pressed a sloppy kiss to his shoulder before succumbing to sleep.

~0~

Ianto stared up at the concrete ceiling of Jack's bunker and let out a sigh. That afternoon had been one of hell. The weevil alarm had gone off, which led to a debate of who should go and deal with it. Owen had immediately told them that it would over his dead body that Jack would do it and Ianto refused to leave the immortal alone. Then Gwen had muttered something derogatory about how Jack was purely faking it all to get out of paperwork which had caused another argument. And in all of the commotion they had forgotten about Jack and when he had finally remembered to check up on him, it turned out that his fever had spiked dangerously high which had Owen fussing for the next two hours administering all sorts of injections. Then he eventually finished and left, explaining that Jack was so thin that he was struggling to fight off the stomach bug and how he suspected that it was probably just the latest in a long line but he couldn't be sure because of the pregnancy and morning sickness. And then it had taken another two hours for Jack to wake up and Ianto had had to listen to a barrage of self-deprecating thoughts before convincing him to eat something. And didn't that just end in disaster.

Ianto watched as Jack squirmed restlessly beside him and let out a groan; making a pitying noise when he held the pillow tighter to his stomach. Crackers didn't help, nor did digestive biscuits or weak tea and Owen hadn't been able to find any anti-nausea pills. The Doctor tried to get some from the Tardis but for some reason he was locked out of the medical bay. He was still trying to figure out what heh had done to annoy her this time. Another groan and the Welshman started to make soothing circles with his thumb, pulling him closer as he shook with cold and fear.

"What am I going to do with you, huh?" he asked softly. "I can't leave you alone for five minutes, can I?" a murmur that might actually have even been an answer and then silence. Ianto was glad that for once Jack was having a peaceful night's rest; he and Owen had agreed that it was totally and utterly ethical to threaten to break the Doctor's arm unless he found some 51st century sleeping pills for Jack from the Tardis. (It turned out that there had been a half used packet in Jack's old bedroom which said a lot, but Ianto tried not to think about it.) Ianto looked down at his lover and smiled at the drool on the pillow, slobbery or not, it was just so adorable!

The younger closed his eyes and dreamed of roses and coffee and blue police boxed and Jack.


	23. Chapter 23

Ianto wasn't quite sure who thought the idea up; he only knew that it was probably the most stupid suggestion ever in history. Someone had pointed out that not one person was able to stay and look after Jack the whole time so then maybe they should have a rota. Ianto thought that it was a good idea, until the point when it turned out that at some point, the Doctor would be alone with Jack. A weak, vulnerable, impressionable Jack in a small, dim, confined space with a stupid, idiotic, conceited Doctor. If one didn't know about the pair's track record they would of thought that Ianto was prejudiced. He wasn't; he had no doubt that the Doctor was a good man, but more often than not he tended to open his mouth before engaging his brain. Jack opened one eye and looked up at him hazily, "What's the matter Yan?"

Does he want to tell me that we're over? Oh, God, I love him. Please, God, don't let him say that, please.

The Welshman shook his head, feeling respect bloom for how easily the immortal hid what he really felt from everyone. "Jack…" he started. "We're all going to take turns looking after you and, well, would you mind being alone with the Doctor for a bit?"

The elder shook his head but his thoughts betrayed him. What if he calls me wrong? What if he makes Ianto realise how wrong I am? It's ok, freaky wrong things deserve pain and what I receive is not even half of what I really deserve. I don't mean to be wrong and screw up at everything. I don't, I don't.

The tea boy wavered for a moment before pulling him into a kiss and Jack put his arms round his waist and clung tight, as if he was his only anchor to sanity. Maybe he was. Or maybe they were all going to hell. At this point, Ianto was pretty sure that what they had was worth it. "It's going to be ok," he murmured in Jack's ear. "It'll be ok; if he tries to do anything that you're not very comfortable with, even if he just looks at you funny, just come and tell me and I'll look after you, alright?" Jack nodded, still unsure. "It's going to be ok Jack, I promise. Trust me?"

He nodded again, "Always." Ianto offered up a smile then left.

~0~

Gwen wasn't really sure how she was meant to cope with an anorexic, immortal boss who's mind was leaking after over a year of being raped and tortured. When this was all over then she would have to ask Jack to make some protocols on it. She didn't really know what to expect, going down into the bunker. She had never been down there before and she and Jack hadn't parted on the best of terms and now it turned out that he was telepathic and his mind was leaking over to everyone else! Sometimes, she really wished that the retcon had worked that day.

The Welshwoman climbed cautiously down the rickety metal ladder and saw to her greatest relief that the Captain was asleep. Maybe she could get through the whole two hours with him staying like that. After some of the things that she had said to him, talking didn't seem very nice.

An hour and a half passed and Gwen was just thinking that maybe this was her lucky day when the immortal groaned and thrashed about under the duvet restlessly. She floundered for a bit, at a loss on what to do. Just when she eventually decided that it might be a good idea to maybe try and wake him up, he muttered something incomprehensible and blearily opened his eyes.

"Where's Ianto?" Jack asked suspiciously as soon as he laid eyes on her, eyes narrow; thoughts raced about in whispery echoes.

Oh, God, he doesn't want me. No one wants me, freaky wrong thing. That's why he told me that they were all going to take turns looking after me- so they didn't have to be near the thing. Oh, God, he doesn't want me, how could I be so stupid?

Gwen wasn't entirely sure what to say. Clearly he didn't think that he was worth all that much to anybody at all really. Oh, hold on, he asked where Ianto was. Yeah, that would be a good starting point. "Ianto's gone home," she explained, "so has Tosh; they'll be back soon."

"How long are you staying down here for?"

"I have about 25 minutes left until I swap over with Owen," Jack nodded, pulling his legs up. Another thought, 'where's my coat gone?' followed by a lot of worry. The younger gestured up at the office, "Your coat is up there- Ianto didn't want to risk it getting creased or mucked up. Do you want me to get it for you?"

He nodded his head for a second time and she hurried as quickly as she dared up the ladder and brought the coat back down. He took it, "Thank you."

~0~

If Owen was actually completely honest with himself, (which wasn't something that happened often) he actually expected Jack to be a sobbing mess when he took over from Gwen. So needless to say, it was a great surprise when it turned out that he wasn't. Although, seeing as he seemed to have reverted back to a withdrawn, silent state, to find him a sobbing mess may actually have been a better option, "Jack, what's wrong? Was it something that Gwen said?" He silently denied it and carried on sitting there. That was when Owen started to hear his thoughts.

Freaky wrong thing, abomination, pervert, no one wants you… put enough work onto him as it is. He's already been too kind; it wouldn't be right to impose on him more… he might start to hate you even more than he already does. Freaky wrong things shouldn't impose.

"Hey," said Owen, poking his cheek gently, "enough of that shit. Budge up and drink this." He handed Jack a mug of hot chocolate.

"What've you put in it?" he asked warily.

"Just protein powder," the younger assured him.

"Why?"

"Having a stomach bug when you're already severely underweight isn't all that productive to a healthy lifestyle. You're a skeleton, gotta keep your strength up somehow."

Freaky wrong things don't deserve food; freaky wrong things don't deserve anything; why is he being nice to me? Maybe he doesn't realise how long I am yet. But we spent all that time at the cottage together; it doesn't take very long to be affected. I don't understand.

"I don't think you're a freaky wrong thing," the medic told the elder cheerfully. "I think you're quite a nice thing actually."

"Thank you," Jack whispered, a tiny smile making his lips twitch upwards. A sad voice, not true, but believable, sounded and Owen gave a vexed sigh and put an arm around the Captain's shoulders.

"Drink you're chocolate," he ordered softly. Jack carefully finished off his drink, feeling rather sick by the time he got to the bottom of the mug and felt a sense of déjà vu as he remembered the day before when it had been Ianto, not Owen, sitting with him.

They stayed in silence for a while, not even Jack's now public thoughts detracting from the comfortableness that they both felt. After what seemed to be forever, "Do you hate me?"

A pause, "I used to, but that was just me being fucking childish. You're my friend."

"I am?"

"Yep,"

"You're my friend too."

"Thanks, now tell me more about that planet called Refad…"

~0~

Tosh found that she actually quite enjoyed Jack's company a long time ago. He was like a puppy, or a child, with innuendo and flirting… but still nice to be around. (The flirting was actually quite nice but she'd be damned if she ever actually told anyone.) So when she went down to his bunker under his office, it hurt a lot to see him as he was. His eyes flickered up to glance at her, "Are you looking after me now?" And for a moment, she had to blink to get rid the image of a child. And yet, Tosh couldn't help but think that- on some level- Jack felt like this constantly. Lost and alone and out of his time, wondering when- or indeed, if- someone would come and rescue him.

"How're you feeling?" she asked, sitting down on the chair that Gwen had brought down. "You certainly look a lot better," that wasn't strictly true but she wasn't going to risk saying anything else.

"I feel fine," he answered neutrally. Pane of glass between us can't let her know. Can't let anybody know how I feel. Freaky wrong things deserve nothing but hate. Don't say very much; keep her as out of the wrongness as possible.

Tosh felt like crying and reached across to hold his hand. He didn't pull away; she presumed that was a good thing. A second later and he had pulled her gently down next to him and enveloped her in a bear hug. She liked bear hugs; it was a comforting action, much like one she imagined an older brother to give. But, she reflected, Jack really was like the dad. He looked after them and saved all their asses more than once and was always there when they needed him.

And if Jack was the dad then that obviously made Ianto the mother. He fed them, clothed them after aliens exploded sticky purple goo all over them and just generally kept them all from killing each other. Tosh decided that she was much like the shy teen that was in fact the smartest out of all of them but never let it show. Owen was the antisocial git who, whilst snarky beyond belief at the best of times, did love the rest of his family a lot. Gwen (she scowled) was the spiteful teenage girl with multiple crushes and, yes, she could be incredibly nice at times, but only when it was convenient for her and no one else.

Jack brought her out of her musings with a gentle kiss on the top of her head. She smiled up at him and he slowly smiled back.

~0~

If one was to say that the Doctor was nervous about encountering Jack alone for two hours then it would be an understatement. The last time that they had been alone with each other was when Jack had been travelling on the Tardis the first time. He didn't really count those tense and awkward couple of minutes at Utopia in the radiation chamber. They had both been distracted and edgy, nothing they said counted. Or, that had been what he thought, until now. He and Jack had been sitting in an uncomfortable silence for a while and the Doctor was doing his best not to cringe away from the younger's thoughts.

'"'s not easy even just looking at you Jack, 'cuz you're wrong."' Wrong, wrong, wrong…

The time lord sighed, he hadn't even meant it like that, but things had escalated before he had the chance to explain. He would have explained back on the Tardis after they year that never was but Jack had been so broken that he hadn't dared to keep him away from his home any longer. On second thoughts though, maybe he probably should have.

The Gallifreyan bit his lip before starting to talk, "You and your team seem to be doing a good job taking care of the rift."

The immortal man shrugged, looking at the duvet. "I don't do that good," he mumbled, ashamed. "I left them alone for two months when I went after you as well."

"Yeah, sorry about that; my landing was kind of a bit accidentally off by a bit," he said guiltily.

"Not your fault," the Doctor bit his lip again.

And then a light bulb came on, "Jack?"

"Yeah?" he asked nervously.

"I forgive you for being wrong," he hoped that he hadn't said something stupid and damaging. A clarity and calm came into Jack's eyes that hadn't been there for over a year and he gave a tiny smile before carrying on looking at the duvet.

Maybe Ianto can forgive me too. I'm still stupid and a freak and a thing but it's one less thing to worry about.

The Doctor heard all of this and sighed, he would take what he could get. And he knew for a fact that Jack had been putting himself down ever since he was 13- for some strange reason- and that was going to take a while to sort out. "I'm sorry," Jack blurted out suddenly.

"What for?" he asked, confused.

"For the year that never was," he explained sadly. The Doctor was aghast and was about to ask him to expand on that when his thoughts did it for him.

If I hadn't been so wrong then he would never have run away on the Gamestation and the Tardis wouldn't have gone to Utopia and the Master wouldn't have been woken up.

The elder winced, he might have 'forgiven' Jack for being wrong but in telling him so, had cemented his belief that he actually was. "These things happen," he shrugged. "So tell me more about these 'weevils' of yours." And as they talked, Jack started to have the tiniest hope that maybe everything would be alright.


	24. Chapter 24

The next day=

It had started off as a good day. He had woken up and made his way to the hub after a breakfast that for once consisted of more than just instant coffee and half-eaten bowl of cereal. And upon arriving at the base of torchwood thee, the Doctor, Gwen and Owen were nowhere in sight. It just kept getting better. Tosh had waved at him and explained that the Doctor was looking after Jack but the latter was asleep so there wasn't any risk of the time lord saying anything stupid. (Although Ianto personally thought it wouldn't take even five minutes to put his foot in his mouth but he would never ever say that out loud.) He made coffee for him and Tosh; brewed a cup of tea for the Doctor and hot chocolate with added protein powder for Jack. Owen entered the hub and went straight for Tosh's coffee who in turn swatted him away and directed him to the leftover coffee in the pot.

The Welshman relieved the Doctor of his duties of looking after a now awake Jack and sat down on the bed next to him, watching as he finished the hot chocolate with obvious difficulty. Ianto waited for him to finish before pulling him into a hug, listening as he mumbled something into his shoulder about hurting all over. "Let's get you into the shower, I bet that sounds pretty good, hmm?" the immortal nodded but as soon as Ianto helped him to stand then his knees buckled and he went plummeting towards the floor, unconscious. The eta boy grabbed at his shoulders and just managed to avoid letting him crack his head open on the bedframe. "Owen!" he yelled. "Get down here, now!"

The only person who came clattering down the ladder was the Doctor. "Owen and Tosh got called away on some alert or other," he explained, buzzing the sonic screwdriver over the length of Jack's body. "Oh! I was afraid that something like this would happen!"

"What's wrong with him?!" Ianto demanded, cradling his lover's head in his lap as he lay unconscious.

"His body is trying to completely rid itself of the device's effects. Normally the victim would just carry on as normal; a little lethargic, perhaps, but not too many ill effects. But Jack is too thin and weak and wants and needs to rest too much so he went unconscious. He should wake up in a few hours and be fine."

"Says you," Ianto muttered, biting back several more rude remarks that he was thinking of- his grandmother would turn in her grave.

"Let's get him into the Tardis," the time lord said and began to drag his friend up the ladder.

~0~

The fact that the Tardis was bigger on the inside didn't get a reaction out of Ianto as he helped to get Jack inside the time ship's medical bay. (The Doctor seemed to be rather disappointed.) "And what precisely can your Tardis do that the medical bay back in the hub can't?" the Welshman asked, raising one eyebrow.

"It…" he floundered, "it can change temperature." He said proudly.

"What and you've never heard of air conditioning?"

His face fell, "It, um… has stuff that comes from all over the universe."

"You forget that we manage a rift that periodically spits out space junk."

"Oh," the elder remarked, despondent, "well, there isn't really all that much of a difference at all, but if word ever gets out that the immortal leader of torchwood three was vulnerable…" he didn't need to finish.

Ianto conceded that he was right, "So how are we going to help him?"

"Hmm," he looked up from where he was fussing over Jack who was lying on a bed, "oh, yes! Well, I think I can just about remember a planet with a medical facility built specially for underweight species. I'll explain the situation and hopefully they will send us on our way with the equipment to treat Jack without having to leave him in any place he doesn't know. Maybe take him to a psychiatrist whilst we're there too if the TLC he gets here on the Tardis doesn't do as much as we hope it will. Course, it's not just the year that never was that it really a problem with Jack. You see, when we first met, Jack was a con man. He almost succeeded in destroying the whole world in 1941 but thankfully it never happened. My theory is that he feels guilty for living on forever whilst everyone that he seems to fall in love with dies young."

1941, it struck a bell. Ianto remembered the decrepit old cardboard box under the bed with the pictures inside. "That's why he dresses as if it's world war two all the time," he said slowly, the pieces falling into place. "Everything that Jack has ever done at torchwood, he's done it for you." The Doctor nodded guiltily. Ianto looked at the sick man on the bed and then back up at the time lord. "I'm coming with you," he said firmly. "No offence but I don't trust you enough to ever bring him home."

"Ok, yeah, fair enough," the Doctor admitted. "I haven't exactly got the best track record in history have I?"

Ianto merely shot him a look, "I'll go and pack then say goodbye to the others when they get back. In the meantime, I think you should start working out how to convince them that you will bring us both home safely."

~0~

"Oh, no, no, no no, no!" Owen told Ianto when he explained to them his plans for going with the Doctor. "He brought Jack back to us two months too late, Tea Bo; I can't believe you're actually even seriously considering going with him! And what are we going to do for coffee when you go?"

Gwen backed him up, "He's right Ianto, and how much can we really trust the Doctor? He could just be planning to kidnap the both of you! And we've all heard the stories; danger follows that man wherever he goes. Even if he really does plan to take you two to a medical planet then something is bound to go wrong!"

Ianto looked at each of them in turn, "And what about Jack? He has died so many times for all of us and had never, ever complained about it. He has let himself be raped and tortured and God knows what else by Blake to try and protect us, don't you think we owe him something back?" They all looked slightly guilty and ashamed at that, avoiding his eyes by staring down at the floor, "Besides, this is a time machine, we could be gone for months and yet come back five minutes from now. If it was one of us, Jack would do the exact same thing. How many times have one of us been upset and he's looked after us without complaining? How many times have we, any of us, done that for him?

"We could have stopped this before it even started, but we were too blind to see that anything was wrong. We owe Jack this, all of us do."

"He's right," Tosh gave in with a sigh and immediately felt guilty afterwards, "anyway, he's a grown man- we can't exactly stop him."

"Speak for yourself," Owen growled.

"Owen!" Gwen chided him. "I agree with Tosh, we can't force Ianto into doing anything if he doesn't want to."

The three of them turned to look expectantly at Owen. He sighed and uttered a swear word that would have had his grandmother turning over in her grave. "Fine! But if you get into trouble and end up not fixing Jack, don't come crying back to me!" he snapped.

Ianto rolled his eyes along with Tosh who pulled him into a hug and mumbled a sad goodbye. Suddenly, he really wanted the weevil alarm to go off in order to stop this from being so awkward. "I'll see you later," he said calmly before stepping into the Tardis.

~0~

"So Jack has travelled with you before?" Ianto asked the Doctor.

"Oh, yes, along with Rose," he paused to bring the two stripy mugs of tea over to the table as well as a packet of biscuits. "He was different back then, less mature; more… exuberant. Though he was and always will be very memorable."

"That's putting it politely," Ianto muttered. "Has he always been this self-deprecating?"

"Yes," the time lord confessed, "he didn't exactly have a very good childhood from what I can work out. I take it that you have heard of the time agency?" he nodded. "Well, the stuff that they did to him there didn't help much. Besides," he added darkly, "people don't notice these things, they don't let people notice. It just festers and grows into something big. You humans are so complicated."

The Welshman took another sip of the tea, "Jack mentioned once that he had been pregnant before. Do you know anything about that?"

The time lord audibly winced, "That's a bit, slightly sensitive. But, I suppose you do sort of have a right to know the basics. You see, Rose had gone to visit her mum for a few days and recently before that, we had just escaped from a battle on some planet- I forget the name. It turned out that Jack had gotten himself injured but he hid it so that I and Rose wouldn't think less of him. And as you know, Jack hasn't really got all that many qualms when it comes to… dancing; he managed to somehow convince the Tardis to keep it quiet.

"I only found out when I practically tripped over him outside the console room in the corridor, covered in sick. I took him to the medical bay, it took the Tardis a while to finish scanning him to find out what was wrong, and there was that much going on inside of him, Ianto. There was the injury, then the infection from that and the stress of keeping it all hidden. Then there was a previous experience that went badly when he was at the time agency as well. It would be almost impossible to work out precisely what killed our child."

They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few seconds. "I'll go and check on Jack," Ianto said eventually before practically bolting out of the room.

~0~

It was only half-way to the medical bay when Ianto was told by the Tardis that Jack wasn't in there at all but in fact was en route to his old room. Ianto thanked her (feeling a bit stupid for talking to a space ship) and changed direction and hurried on.

It didn't really surprise him that Jack's room on the Tardis looked almost as bare as his bunker in the hub; though fortunately the bed was bigger. The Welshman slid gently onto the covers next to Jack, noticing that the duvet was like the one that he had brought the immortal for Christmas. It seemed so long ago. Jack snuggled into his side in an effort to get warm whilst he stroked his hair.

"You're cold?" Ianto asked: he was boiling. Jack nodded and he pulled the duvet up higher. "So," Ianto started, struggling for a neutral topic, "this is your room, huh?" The elder nodded again.

"Didn't dress like it was world war two all the time then," he said with the tiniest of smirks. "The Tardis likes you."

"Mmmm, well, at least she has some fashion sense. Have you seen the Doctor's shoes? How impractical," he sniffed. Jack laughed (or rather smirked loudly) before the nausea caught up with him and he started to retch painfully over the side of the bed whilst Ianto offered what little comfort he could.

"I'm sorry," he gasped through heaves that got dryer.

"Sshh, it's alright, it's ok."

"'s not," he moaned sadly, "doesn't like me as it is… shouldn't even be here, not really."

"What do you mean cariad?" he queried, confused.

"Wrong, thing… make the Tardis run away to Utopia, didn't meant to!"

"Sshh," Ianto soothed.

"Don't wanna impose, can't impose. Ianto won't want me."

"Jack? I'm here cariad."

"No, Doctor, don't leave me again," he whimpered.

"Jack?" the Welshman put a hand on his forehead before pulling it away just as suddenly at the heat that he felt there. He hastily went into the adjacent bathroom and grabbed a flannel soaked in cold, cold water and started to wipe his lover's face down with it.

"I don't like being a burden," Jack told him sadly, staring up at the ceiling, not even really seeming to acknowledge him.

"You're not a burden," the tea boy said, "everyone wants to look after you Jack. We all care about you so much. We want you to be happy cariad. Now, let's get you tucked into bed, hmmm? Maybe we can get your fever down that way. Sound good?" Jack nodded but really just felt too sick to care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've just got a fail in my humanities and science because I've posted this instead of revising, it was worth it.


	25. Chapter 25

A few days later=

Ianto felt that his reluctance to go out onto another planet was justified. Now if only he could convince the Doctor of that. They had been in the Tardis in the vortex for the past few days and things had gone fairly ok. The Doctor had managed to at least repair the damage that had been done to Jack's immune system so that he wasn't puking his guts up every other half hour. He was still thin, pale and drawn- the dark circles under his eyes like black bruises were constantly there from over a year of practically no sleep and dying almost constantly. Ianto sometimes wondered if he used to deliberately let himself be killed in order to gain a few minutes rest. But he looked far happier and sometimes was even able to rest for a little while without having the need to take 51st century sleeping or need the Tardis to soothe his dreams (but mostly even she couldn't make them better).

It was a start, Ianto supposed. And the fact that he was currently looking after Jack because his body was still trying to get used to food again did little to quash the happy feeling that he had. Of course, what he actually said out loud was much different. "Perhaps you should stick with toast," the immortal just managed to shrug before he had to dive for the toilet bowl again. Ianto sighed, it wasn't Jack's fault. He had wanted to have toast but the Doctor had said he should try some weird purple thing from some leisure planet and he had in fear of being abandoned again.

They had gone to the medical planet- Ianto had discovered its name was Suronia- and Jack had let him cling on tightly to his hand when he saw all the different aliens that were there. The Doctor had once again put his foot in his mouth in the examination room; Ianto couldn't believe that he had been stupid enough to think that just divulging all of Jack's personal reasons for starving himself outright had been a good idea. The Captain had reverted back to silent and sad mode for the rest of their time there and Ianto had taken the Doctor outside and verbally bollocked him one. The two had then gone quietly back into the room and then the pair of lovers had waited inside the Tardis whilst the time lord had picked up a prescription of protein powder and some weird tablet things along with a stack of leaflets. Ianto had read a couple and had quickly three them aside, they were just parroting the same stuff that the websites that he had read had.

The Welshman tried not to let his excitement show when Jack pulled him in for the first kiss that he had initiated since this whole mess had started. The younger was a little surprised when just one kiss started to grow into some groping but he was pretty sure that it wouldn't hurt so long as it was what Jack wanted. In some ways, he wanted to be able to hear his thoughts again to make sure that he truly did want it or was just doing it because it was what was expected of him. Five minutes later and nothing had progressed past the kissing and groping stages so he gently started to move his hand lower, making sure that Jack knew what he was doing at all times. The immortal gave a hungry little moan and pulled him closer…

"Ianto? Jack? Where are you?" the door opened and they sprang apart; the Doctor stood there looking down at them. "Ok, well… we've sort of materialised to a very safe part of Sploosh so maybe you want to go out and have a look now? And, um, I can see that you're busy so I'll just…" he trailed off and pelted back down the corridor as the Tardis laughed.

"Well, that's certainly one way to kill the mood," Ianto commented. Jack nodded and he mentally sighed, trust the Doctor. Every time that he was around Jack retreated back into himself. The tea boy squeezed his hand and gave him a reassuring smile. "Let's go and see Sploosh then."

"With the suit?"

He blinked and then grinned, "With the suit." And they went off to explore.

~0~

The Doctor had somehow managed to stumble upon a fortune teller; what was it with fortune tellers? Every planet seemed to have them in the streets in flowing robes and earrings. Of course, the latter only applied to the species with ears. "Tell your fortune good sir?" she asked cheerfully. She was a native, purple skin, midnight eyes; tall and willowy with long nails that were almost claws. The tent was stifling with the heat from Sploosh's three suns along with the incense that she had burning and the material gave off a hazy sort of purple glow if you looked at it for too long.

"Why not?" the Doctor shrugged and sat down on the rug opposite her. "I'm feeling lucky today." She smiled and started to prepare the bone board every fortune in the Wan galaxy used. She picked up the embroidered bag containing the bones of an Osirid and carefully threw them across the board.

"Hmmm," she considered, "never have the bones reacted to any client like this before." Even though it was a line that she had probably used on every single person who came her way, he felt compelled to believe her. It scared him a little though; these fortune tellers were surprisingly accurate most of the time. He wasn't sure if he really did want to know. She plunged on without noticing his sudden in change in mood. "Interesting, very, very, interesting indeed. They say that whenever the bones are aligned with the stars and the great suns then change is coming. Change will come and destroy a person's life and yet the good will rise from the ashes like a phoenix- ready to build a new life with a loved one. Presuming of course, that either one is judged deserving by the gods. Then they both shall perish in hell."

The Doctor bit his lip, this lady was describing things a little too well for his liking. "But there's someone that you have," she looked up at his face for the first time. "They're broken. They think that no one can or wants to fix them. They don't realise just how untrue that it. And you're broken too, but it is different for you; you have someone. They don't, they never have done. I'm right, aren't I?"

He nodded wordlessly, scared beyond belief. "Yeah," he finally managed to choke out, "sounds about right."

She nodded, long black hair moving about like a waterfall. "There are legends, coming from the Ancient Times. They speak of a man with many faces- older than he looks- who travels the stars in a big wooden box. Many companions and the last of his kind but never lonely for the box is his friend. The elders tell us to use our judgement when it comes to such encounters." She stood up and the Doctor felt more relief then he should have done when she moved away, bangles clinking and jangling at every movement. She came back and offered a box carved with ancient runes.

"What's this?" he asked, raising an eyebrow but taking it anyway.

"Me using my judgement," she smiled. "The elders teach all of us this when we are very young. They teach us the prayers to offer to the gods and the instructions to pass on to the new generation."

"You believe in a higher being then?"

She shrugged, "I find that it is a far happier prospect then merely rotting in the ground." He couldn't argue with that.

"What's your name?" he asked, he couldn't believe that he hadn't thought to ask that before.

She held up an arm and drew back a sleeve to show a fiery yellow mark burnt into her skin. "Sploosh is a totalitarian planet. Officially, my name is Citizen Number 256019. But the elders call me Aja."

"Aja," he repeated. "Nice name, I'm the Doctor."

Aja bowed her head. "It has been an honour to meet you," she said solemnly.

The elder mimicked the gesture, "Same to you." A bell struck and reminded him that he had promised to meet Jack and Ianto back at the Tardis, "What do I do with this?"

"You'll find out soon enough."

"Well, bye then."

He started to leave, "Goodbye Doctor."

~0~

Ianto decided that if he ever went to Sploosh again he was so taking an umbrella. He and Jack had been caught in a downpour of yellow rain and it was going to take a miracle to get the stains out of his suit. (Even when not at work he liked to wear suits and he sure looked much better in them than the Doctor did.) Although Jack had offered to try with the Tardis' special washing machine which Ianto had thought was rather sweet of him. But it hadn't worked and he had taken one last sad look at his second favourite outfit before chucking it into the bin. Then the mere fact that the rain had soaked them to the skin and both of them had been worried about the other getting pneumonia which had led to them somehow ending up in the shower together. And almost having sex if it wasn't for the fact that both of them had got just a little carried away pretending that everything was normal and Ianto ended up having to talk Jack out of a full-blown panic attack. Clearly he wasn't recovered as much as either of them had hoped yet.

And that was how they had ended up here, sitting on the bed in Jack's room, him drying Jack's hair whilst the elder shivered and tried not to let the tears spill at the memories going through his mind. A while later and thy entered the console room, dry and in new sets of clothes, Ianto hadn't thought that he would ever feel so glad to be dry.

"What's that?" the tea boy asked the Doctor as he spotted the wooden box inset with weird looking shapes in his hands.

"Oh! You're back! I was starting to think that I was never going to see you pair ever again!"

Ianto felt Jack grab hold of his hand tight and squeezed back just as hard. Of all the things that the Doctor could say after he had just had a panic attack, "You didn't answer the question. Are you avoiding it?"

"Oh, Ianto Jones, you're good! And so, so right!"

Ianto felt himself tense, intended or not, those words had probably hurt his lover a lot. "I try my best," he replied coldly. "Now, answer the question."

"Well, you know how it is. I ran into a fortune telling girl, she told my fortune. Blah, blah, blah; said I was different to the other customers, snore, snore. Then gave me this box and said that it was her using her judgement. Just the average day for a time travelling time lord!" he beamed and the Welshman tried not to punch him in the face.

"What a… interesting story," he said eventually. "I take it that you didn't get caught up in the rain shower then? It cut our exploration rather short." He'd be damned if he held the Doctor the truth about how the two of them had held each other's hand in fear at the lecherous looks that they seemed to attract from practically everybody at the market.

"Rain shower? Hmmm… let me think… I didn't get any rain but Sploosh is of course famous throughout the known universe for its singular rain clouds that are attracted to one specific area; some of the areas are only a quarter of a mile square, believe it or not. They wouldn't usually have built such an important there though, so maybe you just got caught up in a drifter."

"The rain was yellow," Jack spoke up quietly- practically the first words that he had spoken in the Doctor's presence since their arrival on the time ship.

The time lord looked almost as happy as Ianto felt. "Yellow rain huh? Well… yep! Got it! Yellow rain is the classic pre-warning signal that the weathermen on Sploosh have developed to warn the residents of an oncoming storm. Looks like we got back just in time! Now, who would care for some tea? And biscuits, I think the Tardis recently decided to put the Jammie Dodgers back in the cupboard…"

He placed the box down on the console and they left. So there was nobody there to notice when the strange thing started to glow…


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend threatened to break my arm if I didn't have Jack and XoX dancing so that's how this chapter ended up like this, I think she saw a prompt like it or something but, yeah, I'm not arguing with her.

The doctor had always assured both himself and numerous companions over the years that it was impossible for anybody to gain access to the Tardis whilst they were in the time vortex. So needless to say, it was a bit more than just a little bit of a surprise when the trio re-entered the console room and discovered a woman standing there. "Um, doctor?" Jack asked, part confused, part scared.

"How did she get in here?" Ianto didn't ever really trust the doctor's skill to reassure a person with his words and instead grabbed Jack's hand tightly in his own.

"Very good question," the time lord turned to the woman. "How did you get in here and who in Rassilon's name are you?"

She was small, with long blue hair reaching all the way down her back like a waterfall, a raggedy, Victorian-style dress made of pale grey material. Elegantly manicured nails and piercing green eyes and pale skin combined with the headband of purple flowers which gave her the look of a girl from a fairy tale that lived in a forest. She let out a fond smile at the doctor, like an owner of a puppy who was chasing its tail. Then her eyes came to rest on Jack and Ianto and her smile changed to something else, like someone spotting an old lover from across a room.

The time lord stepped forward slightly, "I won't ask you a third time, who are you and how did you get in here?"

The woman smiled wider, "You mean that you don't recognise me doctor? Tut, tut, and here was me thinking that you had become wise in your old age."

Jack watched all of this in silence, thinking hard as he tried to remember just why this intruder seemed familiar. And just why it seemed to hurt so much. The woman was definitely not an intruder though, even he knew that. Blue hair seemed to fit right… blue hair. He looked closer. Tardis blue; green eyes but always dancing and changing colour, as deep as depthless pools, bigger on the inside.

The immortal looked sideways at the box still lying on the console, surrounded by the last remnants of a yellow glow. The same glow that he remembered bringing him back to life the first time. And the way she smiled at him, the dreams that he had sometimes on the Tardis, when he didn't need the pills, when the ancient time ship soothed his slumber and once even partly appeared to him…

Oh God.

Jack bolted as soon as he realised who precisely the woman was. "What the-"Ianto started and went to go after him but the strange woman did something and the door slammed shut.

"You're not going after him this time," she said calmly and her voice made the doctor think of the sea and waves lapping at the shore, "I will."

"Yeah, right, we don't even know who the hell you are! You might try and hurt him!"

She smiled at how protective the Welshman was of his lover, "I would do no such thing, and I love him as much as you do."

"Who are you?" the doctor demanded.

"I am the Tardis."

~0~

Jack didn't really know where he was going, he just ran away as fast as he could. He didn't even really know why he felt the need to get away, he just did. No matter what Ianto told him, there was still a little voice in the back of his head constantly reminding him of just how wrong he was. The immortal ran as fast as he could, feet pounding on the metal floor. The piece of the Tardis that still was inside the machine (or was it that she had never left the ship and just a copy had been made to put into the woman? Boy, this was confusing!) started to gently push at the barriers of his mind and he reluctantly let them down, not that it was that hard as the mind blocks that he had put in place were still in tatters after what the Master did to him.

The Tardis directed him to the garden, with a river and trees and soft grass and lots of places to hide away in. Jack wondered why she was being so nice to him after she had gone all the way to the end of the universe to try and shake him off. The ancient vessel made a soft keening noise and suddenly the door opened and the woman was standing behind him.

"Sshh," she soothed, taking his hand and pulling him upright. Music filtered out from somewhere and the captain instinctively put his hands on her waist and at her nod they started to dance.

*Hello Jack*

He realised that she was inside his head but, strangely enough, didn't mind.

*Um, hello*

*I apologise for the rough journey that you had on the way to Utopia*

*Don't be sorry, it was my fault*

*Don't be silly, the doctor lied to you, Pretty Jack- the pretty one*

*Thank you, but… the doctor lied?*

*Rule one, the doctor lies… do you like dancing then?*

*Yes*

*It reminds you of better times?*

*Yes… do you think I'm wrong?*

*You are different, Pretty Jack, yes. But not wrong*

Jack smiled, a soft little smile and she beamed back.

*Pretty Jack, my captain, my brilliant captain- I have to go soon*

*Why?*

*There is another person on this ship who needs some help setting everything straight*

*The doctor?*

*Yes, I have to teach him how to speak without putting his foot in his mouth. The consequences it has can sometimes be dire*

*You mean like with me?*

*Yes, tortured and defiled by so many people and yet believing that you deserve it/ probably one of the most terrible things I have witnessed*

*Will I ever see you again? In human form?*

*Maybe, but not looking like this*

*Does the doctor think I'm wrong?*

*He is… trying. He wants to accept you but at the same time he doesn't want to lose a piece of Gallifrey by forgoing traditions*

*Bye, bye, Tardis*

*Goodbye my captain*

The music stopped and the sound of the door opening was accompanied by feet walking away.

~0~

The doctor was staring up at the seemingly endlessly high ceiling of the Tardis' library, fingers steeple together as he slouched on a sofa surrounded by masses upon masses of books. He was so deep in thought that he didn't notice when the door opened and she and that someone else was in the massive room with him until they sat down on the sofa next to him.

"I believe you are thinking too much," the Tardis said softly, pulling his hand into hers. "Or, rather, you are thinking too much on the matters of mediocre importance and not enough on the matters which are of great need bow."

"And they say that I talk in a complicated way," the doctor smiled cheerfully. "What brings you here then? And how is Jack? Ianto was getting himself into rather a state."

"Jack is fine now," she said, "it is he who I wanted to talk to you about. You do often, as these humans have a habit of saying, 'put your foot in your mouth.'"

"I do?" he blinked stupidly. "Um… how?"

"You speak before you think, dear doctor. It can cause certain… issues."

"Like what?"

The Tardis fixed him with a sad look. "Like making Jack think that he is wrong and not worthy of Ianto's love."

"What?! How am I responsible for any of this?! I can't help it if it's true! Why are you blaming me?! It's as much torchwood's fault as it is mine!"

"You see doctor? Your way with words can cause almost irreparable damage to those that you hold most dear. I know that you didn't mean it in the way that it came out, and you know, but does Jack?"

He stopped, "Well, Jack is wrong. Not in the derogatory sense that he took it though, he's just unique."

"But Pretty Jack didn't know that. And when you said that Ianto was right, it hurt him a lot. Or when you 'forgave him' for being wrong, it just solidified his belief that he was."

"I never thought about it like that," the time lord admitted. "It's just… I don't know how to talk to him. I mean, how are you meant to talk to someone who you abandoned and left waiting for 150 odd years?"

The bluenette threw him a sympathetic glance. "You talk to him like you're sorry, doctor, like you still want to be his friend- like you talked to me when you first rose off in me back on Gallifrey."

He smiled, "Yeah, well, you were attractive."

The soft smile turned to something coyer, "I've been told that before; mostly by Jack."

"How many times have I told him not to flirt?" the doctor grumbled and she laughed.

"I believe right now that young Ianto Jones is becoming 'acquainted' with my ship form."

"What? He's…?" he made a gesture with his hand, face flame red.

She nodded, perfect teeth showing as she smiled. He blushed harder. "Now, if you'll excuse me," she stood and made to leave.

"Tardis?"

"Hmmm?"

"Are you happy, travelling the universe?"

"Just don't get any more jelly babies stuck in my circuits and we should be fine."

~0~

Ianto rolled over onto his side and looked at Jack curled up into a ball next to him. "What's up, hmmm? You've been quiet ever since the Tardis turned into a human." Of course, he had been quiet before that but Ianto was still trying to act as though everything was normal even if it really, really wasn't.

"Just… stuff," the immortal mumbled and shrugged, inching closer and closer into his warmth. "I'm so cold."

"You should eat more then, shouldn't you?" he asked teasingly, but he didn't object when the elder almost stuck himself to his side so it was nearly impossible to tell where one ended and the other began. "Tell me about something."

"The year that never was?"

He tensed but forced himself to relax, "Sure, why not?"

Jack shuddered, "You died on day 17. I must have died over 800 times; Lucy was my friend- she sorted out a proper grave for you."

"She sounds nice," Ianto murmured.

"She was, the Master controlled her a lot. Sometimes she used to come down and talk to me down in the boiler room. She could never bring me any food- the Master ordered the guards to search everywhere and then did it himself after they had finished. It was…lonely."

"I'll bet it was," Ianto said, tracing the veins in his wrist with a finger softly.

"Yan…?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you love me?"

"Of course I do."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"I love you too."

~0~

It was the Tardis' soft, keening, wailing sound that woke them up the next morning, like a whale in the ocean calling out for its mate. "Huh, what's that noise?" Ianto mumbled blearily.

"The Tardis is sad," Jack explained, thinking how cute his lover was when he was sleepy. He listened harder, "Like she's lost something."

"Please, God, tell me that the doctor hasn't stranded us alone in a telepathic time ship." The Welshman groaned.

The immortal shook his head, "Something else."

He cracked one bleary open, "Shall we go and find out what then?" A nod, a sigh and then they were wondering about the corridors in their sleepwear in search of the doctor's room.

He found them.

"There you are!" he said cheerfully. "I've been looking all over!"

"The Tardis is sad- or so Jack says. Apparently she's lost something."

The elder's face fell, "Oh, I was afraid that something like this might happen."

"Something like what might happen?" the Welshman demanded.

"Follow me, hurry!" he sped off down the corridor with Ianto and Jack close behind (the former wishing that the doctor would take the care to remember occasionally that Jack was still not recovered fully yet.)

"Doctor! Shouldn't we look for the Tardis? Well, the human one?"

The trio made it to the console room and the time lord ran around the console, pushing and pulling at various things. "She isn't here," Jack realised suddenly, "she's gone."

And he sounded so sad that Ianto wanted nothing more than to pull him into his arms and comfort him.

"Whatever thing that that box did must have only lasted for a few hours."

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I still got her; means less earache for me this way!"

But none of them could help but feel a pang of something as they stared at the now open and empty box.


	27. Chapter 27

"Where are we going now then?" Ianto asked the Doctor. Jack had been showing the signs of withdrawing back into himself again and he was desperately trying to distract him from it.

"Well, I was thinking maybe, a leisure planet or something similar? What d'you say?"

He didn't really think it was a very good idea, Jack had told him about those places and what 'leisure' really meant on some of them. On the other hand, he thought, glancing at his lover. Jack might have been weak and vulnerable but he wasn't a child, and who knew for the captain? It might actually even help him. "Let's just go to one of the… milder ones," the Welshman suggested.

"Brilliant! Go and get changed out of your sleepwear then you two! Can't have you walking around like that."

Jack nodded and set off way ahead of Ianto who hurried after him only to discover that he want anywhere to be seen. Fuck, he thought grimly. Where in God's name could he have gotten to? He tried their bedroom and found it empty. He cast a glance at the ceiling, wishing that the Tardis could help him to find his lover. The old time ship seemed to giggle in delight and the door swung as the corridor lit up.

The tea boy hurried along until he got to the door of the colossus wardrobe and stepped inside. And practically walked into Jack. "Whoa!" he cried, as they somehow managed not to fall in a heap. "Care to tell me the reason behind that little vanishing act of yours back there?"

"I was hiding so that we couldn't go outside."

"Why don't you want to go out? Has the Doctor said something again?!"

"No, it's just…" he trailed off with a forlorn shrug.

"Hey," Ianto said tenderly, pulling him up so that he was looking at him face to face again, "if it's affecting you then it is important- tell me."

"It's just… every time that you go someplace with me then you end up having a crap day out."

"That was just one day, Jack; what about all of those times at home when we went for chips and then sat in the park and it turned out fine?" Jack just shrugged, still biting his lip worriedly. Ianto smiled at how cute he found the elder when he looked like that, "I'll wait for you outside, go and get yourself changed." He told him before exiting through the door.

~0~

Ianto had always presumed that the Doctor at least had an idea of where he and his companions ended up even if that place wasn't precisely where they had been planning to go. He stepped out of the Tardis and looked around at the dirty alleyway that they were in. First impressions were not good.

He walked on just a little further, reluctant to leave the safety of the Tardis. A noise caught his attention and he turned around, only to relax when he saw that it was a tiny puppy limping along. The tea boy held his arms out and the creature gave him a lick with its tiny wet tongue. He laughed and didn't even notice that he wasn't alone until something struck him on the back of his head and he crumpled to the ground.

~0~

John Hart caught the limp body of Ianto Jones just before he ended up hitting his head on the floor. He wondered why this 'Tardis' was here, of all places, when Jack had already made it clear that he was staying with that team of his back in Cardiff on 21st century Earth. Once again, the con man thanked the Lord that 51st century humans were telepathic and hastily scanned the young man's brain for information.

Hmmm… sex, sex, porn, sex, blowjob… well, any relationship with Jack was bound to have a lot of that. Jack dead; some weird green aliens… ooh, hot pizza place girl at the till. The ex time agent dove a little deeper and recoiled as though he had been burned by scalding water. CCTV footage of rape, torture and death, the knowledge of a lover tortured for over a year; Jack, pale and thin and skeletal looking and getting more so each and every day. It was obvious why Jack's mind had been leaking over into his when he had last met him then, no one could go through that without some damage. That had been how he had known what the blue police box was after all. And how he had known how deeply his old partner's feelings ran for the unconscious person in his arms.

John started at a noise from the still open door of the Tardis and quickly stepped back into the shadows as the one and only Captain Jack Harkness emerged- not that that was even his real name of course, but names had lost their value a long time ago. The jacket wearing blonde struggled not to throw up at the sight of his former lover so broken. He went into Ianto's mind again and saw the Tardis, a man called 'the Doctor', of a baby that didn't even get a chance to live; the tears and sadness and sickness and the attempt to fix a leader who seemed irreparably damaged. The younger felt a pang of sympathy before banishing it away. Now was not the time for emotions to be getting in the way of what needed to be done. And yet, as John watched yet another man exit the big blue box, he couldn't help but feel just the tiniest bit guilty.

The pair of men who were elder than they looked talked, looking around the alley frantically in search of their missing friend before deciding that he must have probably gone on ahead- the lure of a new planet too much to contend with- and headed off in the direction of town. He let out a sigh of relief; all that he had to do now was to get Ianto back to the room that he was renting and wait there. He could use his vortex manipulator to get back to Gray and the young man would never have noticed that he had been gone.

A groan unanticipatedly erupted from the man lying in his arms and he cursed himself for not stocking up on the supply of chloroform that he usually carried around with him. The ex time agent cast a glance to be certain that the place was deserted before disappearing in a flash of light.

~0~

Jack was slightly more than just a little bit worried. Ianto had promised that he would wait outside for him. In fact, he distinctly remembered him promising and he wasn't here. It wasn't that this was a leisure planet that worried him, he trusted his Welshman to be able to look after himself even if he did it for him most of the time. No, what worried him was that Ianto had promised. And his tea boy never broke a promise, even if it was made to a freaky wrong thing. Oops, Ianto would get angry if he found out that he was thinking that stuff again. But still, he never, ever broke a promise.

Jack tried to remind himself that Ianto hadn't broken his promise just yet; he had said that he would wait outside; he hadn't said where he would wait, just that he would. He tried to keep telling himself that as he searched for Ianto.

~0~

The Doctor wasn't quite sure how he was going to break the news to Jack. Hell, he wasn't even sure that he wanted to or should do. He had been searching around near the city centre- he hadn't wanted Jack going near a place like that alone, especially with his looks- when he smelt something familiar. It only took a moment for him to recognise it as a combination of 51st century pheromones and a vortex manipulator. Hmmm… it wasn't from Jack, his wrist strap was still de-activated and his smell was different, only slightly but still very noticeable to a time lord. He searched around some more and wasn't surprised to smell Ianto as well as some blood of his and spotted a few tiny pieces of cloth where his suit had gotten ripped. Uh oh.

"Doctor?" Jack asked and he spun around, trying not to look as though he was hiding something. "Have you found Ianto?"

"Well… sort of," he admitted.

The younger sighed, "I made him run away, didn't I?"

"What?! No! Of course you didn't Jack, don't be silly." He refrained from slapping himself, what had the Tardis told him about thinking before he spoke?

"Then where is Ianto?" the immortal asked him.

"Yes, well, you see, I think Ianto has been, sort of… kidnapped." He confided. "You see, I can smell 51st century pheromones that aren't yours as well as a vortex manipulator that has recently been used- do you know anyone like that?"

Jack didn't have to think for long, "John Hart."

"Who's he?"

"He was my partner at the time agency- in every sense of the word. He showed up on the day that I got back to Cardiff and he tried to con us all."

"Wants you back, does he?" Jack only nodded in shame, feeling at fault for his boyfriend's situation. "Hey," the Doctor said, making him look up at him, "listen to me Jack Harkness: this was not your fault one bit, understand? You couldn't have known that John would do something like this; if you had known that Ianto was in danger then I know that you would have tried to help him in any way that you could." He nodded sadly and the elder smiled, "Now, let's get back to the Tardis and get your Ianto back."

~0~

Jack tried very hard not to cry, extremely hard because if he did then he didn't think that he would ever stop. He scrubbed at his eyes with his sleeve and curled up tighter around Ianto's pillow and buried his nose in its scent. The Doctor had been the reason that he had escaped to his room two hours before he usually would if Ianto had been here. He had been trying to convince him to eat something and couldn't understand why he kept refusing. He didn't understand, until he had Ianto back then there was no point in doing anything but try and get him back. when Ianto got back, he probably wouldn't be happy that he hadn't eaten anything but Jack was quite willing to have the Welshman back in his arms safe no matter what his mood might be. Eventually, the time lord had stopped trying to force food down his throat and instead suggested gently that they both go to bed because the scans that the Tardis was running wouldn't be finished until the next morning. Jack had agreed and that was how he had come to spend his third hour sniffing Ianto's scent off his pillow.

The immortal curled up tighter, sandwiching the pillow between his chest and his knees in an effort to get warm; he pulled the duvet tight over him- maybe then he could trick himself into thinking that Ianto was still there and not maybe in a brothel or someplace being tortured and downgraded. No! He couldn't think like that, he couldn't be such a pessimist. Ianto might be fine; he could be being treated like a king in a palace somewhere. But still, his traitorous mind wouldn't leave him alone, conjuring up images and thoughts as he started to cry silently.

The door opened and shut and the Doctor watched on sadly as his friend sobbed. The Jack that he had known would never have looked so broken, so distraught. It hurt, "Oh, Jack." The Gallifreyan sighed, sliding down on top of the duvet next to him.

"What if he's dead?" the younger fretted tearfully. "Oh, God, Doctor, he looked after me so many times and I repay him by letting him get kidnapped!"

"Hush, you didn't let him get kidnapped at all, Jack. None of this was your fault- are you listening to me? You couldn't have known that anything like this would happen. We'll get him back Jack, I promise you."

"I can't lose him Doctor, I can't."

"And you won't," he insisted, "get some sleep Jack; we'll find your Ianto soon."


	28. Chapter 28

The Doctor had never considered himself to be an expert in human behaviour but he had seen enough of it over his 950 years to know when someone was upset. And tripping over a half awake Jack when he was browsing for a book about myths and legends was a big clue that something was very wrong with his friend. "Jack?" the time lord asked, bending down and shaking his shoulder gently. "Why aren't you in your room, sleeping? I'm pretty sure that a bed is much more comfortable than the library floor."

"Smells of Ianto," Jack whimpered brokenly, "I miss him."

"Oh, Jack, I know how much you miss him; but if- when- we get him back, how do you think he will feels when he finds out that you've been starving yourself because of him?"

"I know, it's just… I miss him so much Doctor."

"I know," the elder sighed, rubbing his shoulder again. "When was the last time that you ate?"

"It was just before we found out that the Tardis had been turned into a human," he muttered, averting his eyes in shame. The time lord shook his head in exasperation but tried to stay calm in front of the ex time agent.

"Let's go and get you some food then, tea and digestive biscuits sound good to you?" he shrugged and pulled himself up then put a hand out to steady himself as the world spun alarmingly. "Whoa!" the Doctor cried, grabbing him by the shoulders. "'S ok, I've got you."

"I miss Ianto," Jack mumbled, sagging limply against the elder.

"Sshh, it's ok," he soothed, "let's get you into bed, hey?" No answer and he pulled him up and staggered off in the direction of Jack's room which the Tardis had helpfully moved to the second door down from the library and then dropped the immortal down on the bed as gently as he could.

The Doctor looked around and let out a weary sigh, compared to the room that Jack had had before he was left behind on the game station, this was practically a prison cell. The only item that looked even vaguely familiar was the bed: large and spacious with an incredibly comfy mattress and thick, blue mattress; Jack had never liked to sleep in a tiny space if he could help it. "I miss Ianto," came a sad whimper from the bed and the Doctor wondered if simply putting him on an IV would maybe be a better option than trying to get him to stay coherent long enough to eat something. "I miss Ianto," Jack repeated despondently. "Tardis scans have been going for almost a day, Doctor, and they haven't worked. We're never going to get Ianto back."

"Don't say that," the Gallifreyan chided, sitting down beside him. "There's still plenty more types of scans that we can run, don't give up hope just yet."

"Don't mean to," he sniffled. "Just have. All of this stuff is just going around in my head and stopping me from sleeping and just keeps talking."

"Sshh," the Doctor soothed, placing a hand on the back of his neck.

Jack smiled and fell asleep and he tried not to feel guilty as he put the now empty syringe of sedative back in his pocket.

~0~

Ianto came awake so slowly that it was almost painful. His head hurt where he had been struck and the only consolation to the pounding in his skull was the fact that he was lying on a very comfy bed. "So, you're finally awake." Came an all too familiar voice. The Welshman momentarily forgot all about his head and shot up to find himself looking at John Hart.

"Where the fuck am I and what the fuck do you want?" he growled, cursing himself for leaving his stun gun back in Cardiff.

"You're in a flat; now, don't try to escape because I've taken all of your weapons and possessions off of you and had them incinerated and the doors and windows are keyed to only react to my touch. Also, the only way out of this building is to open it with a retina scan and we're 24 floors up and we have no chimney in here." Damn, he thought as his heart sank, he was totally screwed. "But," John continued. "You'll be pleased to know that I don't intend to do you any harm whatsoever."

He arched one eyebrow, "No? You've already done that in the alleyway when you clobbered me on the back of the head!"

"It was a necessary element to making sure that my plan succeeded," he shrugged, "and I'd run out of chloroform."

"What am I doing here?"

"Oh! Sorry! I never got around to explaining that to you did I? Well, I'm using you as bait to get Jack back."

"You sure that you want him back? He's a broken man John, it's going to take a long time to fix him- longer than any person is going to live, including the Doctor because every time that we start to fix him then something is going to come and peel that glue off and make even more cracks in the process."

The elder merely shrugged again, "But I'll have him back. And there has never been a time when he hasn't been broken."

"And suppose that you did get Jack like how he was before all of this? It still wouldn't work, he isn't your Jack any more- he's changed. He's a better person now then you'll ever be." Ianto was getting desperate; being stuck in a room with a mad person was not fun.

"People change," but the Welshman could see that the con man too was grasping at straws. "You love him just like I do- eye-candy. If Jack was kidnapped then wouldn't you want to get him back? Wouldn't you go to hell and back for him?" He reluctantly conceded the point with a nod. He grinned, "Jack will come, eye-candy. And when he does then he'll realise that we're meant to be together. What's that old earth saying? Ah, yes, written in the stars."

Ianto couldn't help but let loose a snort of laughter, putting his arms behind his head and leaning back against the padded head board. "God, give me strength."

John gave another insane grin, "I'll get my Jack back eye-candy, and I can assure you of that."

"Fuck you," he replied neutrally. Another insane grin and the door slammed shut.


	29. Chapter 29

The last of the time lords watched sadly as Jack lay deathly still on a bed in the med bay, the only sign that he was still alive being the shallow rise and fall of the blanket covering him. The doctor let out a sigh as he scrubbed a hand over his face, mentally berating himself for failing to notice that Jack was working himself to death. One and a half days of not eating or sleeping and spending 99% of his time trying to find out Ianto's whereabouts. ½ a day of lying unconscious in the med bay, collapsed from exhaustion, dehydration and malnutrition and hooked up to an IV line. Ianto would kill him for this and he wasn't too sure if he didn't even deserve it, he had been the one that was left to take care of Jack after all. Although in his defence, Jack had been avoiding him and he hadn't discovered how bad the situation was until the Tardis had alerted him to the fact that he had passed out in the garden dangerously close to the edge of a stream.

He knew that he should have given the immortal a heavier dose of sedative that night.

The Gallifreyan checked that the Tardis was still running the scans and once he had received confirmation he preceded to check Jack's vitals for what must have been the 11th time. He was just considering rearranging the cupboards again when the Tardis gave a little ping to signal that she had found out where Ianto was. The doctor made sure that Jack was fully sedated one last time- didn't want Ianto killing him just five minutes after he saved him because he found Jack unconscious in the console room- before hurrying away.

~0~

The doctor pelted into the console room and as soon as she spotted the results of the scans flashing on the Tardis' screen he let out a grin so wide that it threatened to break his face in half, "Oh you clever, sexy thing!" He cooed, patting the console as if it was a well-behaved puppy, "When this is all over then I'm going to take you to right when the rift in Cardiff was created and let you stay there for as long as you want, yes I am." The ancient time ship trilled a blaring noise at him and he quickly regained his composure. "Right, yes," he blustered, turning back to the screen. He read the information and started to grin again. Not only had she given him the exact location with a two inch radius but she had already set up her systems for them to go at less than a moment's notice; definitely a clever, sexy thing.

He made sure that his coat contained everything that he might need and then a few little extras as well (because his ideas never went according to plan) and the Tardis informed him that Jack would now be shrugging off the sedative and slowly start returning to natural sleep in precisely two hours and thirty minutes so he knew that he needed to work fast to get Ianto out of the place that he was in and get him back into the safety of the Tardis.

"Ok then Tardis," he looked up his oldest friend, "let's go and get Ianto Jones back."

~0~

Ianto stared up at the ceiling of his room with an idle sigh, he had been in here for three days and he was practically climbing the walls with boredom. John had stayed true to his word and hadn't even come in again, he hadn't needed to. After receiving a nasty shock from touching one of the walls, he had learned that there really was no escape. He let out another sigh before rolling onto his side.

Vworp! Vworp!

The Welshman shot up and started to grin; even the sight of the doctor wearing his completely horrible and impractical shoes couldn't dampen his spirits in the slightest. The time lord laughed and pulled him into a bone-crushing embrace which he gladly returned. "How's Jack?" the younger demanded. "It's been three days, doctor, how long has it been for you? Oh, God, he must have been devastated! You have made sure he's been sleeping and eating properly hasn't you?"

Just then, the door opened and in came John Hart, casually pointing a gun at the doctor's head. "Have you ever noticed how a person's intellectual curiosity rapidly declines the moment that they start waving guns about?" the Gallifreyan asked Ianto with a roll of his eyes. "And you must be John Hart, the one who wants to use Ianto here to kidnap Jack."

"Give me Jack Harkness and you and eye-candy here can leave in your Tardis unharmed."

"And suppose that we do that, what's to stop us from just hopping forwards in time and rescuing him?" the con man faltered slightly and the doctor smiled coldly, disabling the weapon with a flick of his sonic screwdriver. "Not the best plan that I've ever seen, and I've seen many."

"Who are you?" John asked.

"Last of the time lords,"

"But they're just a myth!"

"And yet here I am."

The doctor decided that he couldn't be bothered waiting for him to answer and calmly pulled Ianto towards the Tardis doors. "If you're lucky then you won't be seeing me ever again." He warned John menacingly before the doors closed and the Tardis dematerialised into the vortex.

~0~

The doctor and Ianto were arguing, or rather, Ianto was furiously asking questions and the doctor didn't really feel that he had enough of a moral high ground to defend his actions.

"You were meant to be taking care of him! Making sure that he was eating and sleeping properly and just basically making sure that he didn't end up unconscious in a hospital!"

"He was avoiding me!" the elder tried to protest but the Welshman was having none of it.

"It doesn't matter! You could have tried harder!"

He hung his head in shame, "I know," he sighed sadly. "I know."

Ianto forced himself to calm down, "What precisely is wrong with him?"

The doctor shrugged, trying and failing not to look too concerned. "Dehydration, malnutrition and exhaustion. Although emotional stress will always cause a person to suffer a lot. He's scared- couldn't sleep in his room because it smelt of you. Everything that he did reminded him of you."

"It was that bad?"

He nodded, "Three days, Ianto, three days, in a place where he still doubts that he's actually wanted. Three days in a place where he was stuck with a person who caused the majority of his abandonment issues. It was never going to be easy for either of us."

"Did you upset him?" Ianto eyes narrowed.

"No! Why does everyone assume that I upset people?! Anyway, I couldn't upset him, could I? He was avoiding me."

"Maybe that's how you upset him, by letting him avoid you." The confused expression on the elder's face said it all.

Ianto gave a patented eye roll, "I'm going to go and look after Jack- think about what I said doctor."

~0~

Ianto let out a sigh as soon as he saw the frail body lying in the bed. The sedative seemed to have worn off quicker than what had been expected and Jack was stirring restlessly. "Sshh," he comforted, pulling off his shoes and jacket and tie before sliding under the covers next to him and pulling him close. Blue eyes slid halfway open, clouded with narcotic-induced slumber.

"Ianto?" he asked tentatively, hand reaching up and clumsily stroking over his cheek before tangling itself in his hair. "Are you real?"

"I'm real," he promised, pressing a kiss to his forehead. He frowned when he felt his lover's ribs poking out. "The doctor told me that you weren't eating or sleeping. Oh, Jack, you know that I don't want you ignoring yourself for me- how many times have I told you that?"

"Sorry," he mumbled, head buried in the younger's shoulder. "'S just, I couldn't lose you. I care about you too much."

Not quite the four letter word that he had been hoping for but he knew which one Jack meant even if he wasn't able to say it. "I know," Ianto said, "and I care about you too but this has to stop, cariad. All of this starving yourself and going without any sleep whatsoever for days on end, it has to stop before one of us gets hurt." Jack didn't answer and he pressed on, "I'm not saying to tell me everything about you, God, I don't think we would finish this side of 2015 if we did that but things have to change, cariad."

"They will," Jack mumbled, "honestly, Yan, I promise that I'll try."

"That's all I ask," he replied, bringing up a hand to rub over the immortal's shoulder blades; Jack gave him a chaste but sweet kiss and closed his eyes again- confident for the first time in a long time that Ianto would protect him from his nightmares.


	30. Chapter 30

Jack and Ianto walked hand in hand into the hub and looked around, "The Doctor said that it's only been two days for them."

"It certainly seems that way," Ianto observed, noting the date on the calendar.

"Do you think they've all been ok?"

"The records seem to state so," he replied, checking the computers.

"So… we're all alone?"

"You can't be serious!" Ianto laughed as Jack put his arms around him. "You really want to have sex, now?"

"Why not?"

His face softened, "Are you sure about this?"

"Course I am!"

He looked carefully and knew that he wasn't lying, "Ok."

And that was the last coherent thought before he was washed away in a sea of pleasure.

~0~

"They're probably going to kill us by hugging too hard, you know that?"

Jack pondered it for a while, "Death by cuddling, now that's a new one." He laughed and pulled the immortal down into a passionate kiss.

Another round of amazing sex later found the, huddled under the thick duvet from Jack's room on the old, tatty and cramped sofa, Ianto's head pillowed on Jack's chest. "We should really get dressed before the others come in." Jack sighed lazily; he really didn't want to move though.

"Just five minutes longer," tea tea boy murmured sleepily, eyes already shut.

"'Kay," he replied, equally as tired.

~0~

When the torchwood team came into the hub the next morning, they were happy to find that their two friends were back home.

"Aww, so sweet!" both Gwen and Tosh cooed. Owen made retching noises but they knew that he was happy about it too.

The weevil alarm went off, ruining the moment and the trio hurried to shut it off before it woke up the sleeping pair. As they ran out of the hub, none of them noticed the sleeping lover's hands interlock or the content smile that appeared on both their faces.

THE END

A/N: THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR READING AND REVIEWING AND FOLLOWING AND FAVOURITING! IT HAS BEEN A BRILLIANT FIVE MONTHS!


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